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| Version 1 | Version 2 |
|---|---|
| Breathe out, Ian Thorpe, and thank you | Breathe out, Ian Thorpe, and thank you |
| (35 minutes later) | |
| Thank you, Ian Thorpe. In the minds of gay people across Australia | Thank you, Ian Thorpe. In the minds of gay people across Australia |
| who have followed your spectacular international swimming career, you have again | who have followed your spectacular international swimming career, you have again |
| joined the ranks of the elite. Your public self-outing means so much in a | joined the ranks of the elite. Your public self-outing means so much in a |
| country such as this one, where sport is the king of culture and young people | country such as this one, where sport is the king of culture and young people |
| who do not fit the mould suffer in silence, or worse. | who do not fit the mould suffer in silence, or worse. |
| You are now part of a handful of local gay sporting heroes who, | You are now part of a handful of local gay sporting heroes who, |
| accidental role models or not, have demonstrated it is OK to be different. You | accidental role models or not, have demonstrated it is OK to be different. You |
| came to this careful decision at the age of 31 in a | came to this careful decision at the age of 31 in a |
| prime-time discussion with British interviewer Michael Parkinson. | prime-time discussion with British interviewer Michael Parkinson. |
| No one | No one |
| else should expect the right to out you; your decision to publicly make peace | else should expect the right to out you; your decision to publicly make peace |
| with your own truth should be entirely about yourself. I am sorry you were being asked at age 16 if you were gay. That is completely inappropriate. I couldn’t bring myself to use the word about | with your own truth should be entirely about yourself. I am sorry you were being asked at age 16 if you were gay. That is completely inappropriate. I couldn’t bring myself to use the word about |
| myself until I was 24, so I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve had | myself until I was 24, so I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve had |
| “faggot” yelled at me in the street, too, and always thought the best way to | “faggot” yelled at me in the street, too, and always thought the best way to |
| combat verbal and physical attacks was to be out and proud, and safer in | combat verbal and physical attacks was to be out and proud, and safer in |
| numbers. But that’s just me. We all come to this decision in our own time. I’m | numbers. But that’s just me. We all come to this decision in our own time. I’m |
| pleased that your family is supportive, and I guess your mum is just being | pleased that your family is supportive, and I guess your mum is just being |
| honest when she says she was shocked at the revelation of your sexuality, even | honest when she says she was shocked at the revelation of your sexuality, even |
| now. | now. |
| You can understand, hopefully, why so many wanted to co-opt you as a | You can understand, hopefully, why so many wanted to co-opt you as a |
| role model, and followed you with such intense concern. You have always carried | role model, and followed you with such intense concern. You have always carried |
| yourself with such grace, intelligence and charm; who wouldn’t want you on | yourself with such grace, intelligence and charm; who wouldn’t want you on |
| their team? Even in recent years, when your long, quiet battle with depression outlined | their team? Even in recent years, when your long, quiet battle with depression outlined |
| in your 2012 autobiography has weighed so heavily, manifesting in alcohol abuse. | in your 2012 autobiography has weighed so heavily, manifesting in alcohol abuse. |
| We put our sports heroes on such monolithic plinths in Australia; the worst of | We put our sports heroes on such monolithic plinths in Australia; the worst of |
| our natures, shamefully, is that we watch voyeuristically, then share sneaky smartphone and paparazzi snaps when the edifice crumbles. | our natures, shamefully, is that we watch voyeuristically, then share sneaky smartphone and paparazzi snaps when the edifice crumbles. |
| The handful of self-selected, outed elite sports people in Australia | The handful of self-selected, outed elite sports people in Australia |
| have all struggled with the weight of public expectation and of keeping their | have all struggled with the weight of public expectation and of keeping their |
| difference hidden. The closeted rugby league player Ian Roberts came close to | difference hidden. The closeted rugby league player Ian Roberts came close to |
| breakdown more than 20 years ago, before he started bringing his then male | breakdown more than 20 years ago, before he started bringing his then male |
| partner to football training sessions, as he outlined in Paul Freeman’s 1997 | partner to football training sessions, as he outlined in Paul Freeman’s 1997 |
| biography, Finding Out. I read his book, and came out to my own mother. | biography, Finding Out. I read his book, and came out to my own mother. |
| In September 2000, the same month a 17-year-old swimming sensation | In September 2000, the same month a 17-year-old swimming sensation |
| known as Thorpedo was busy dominating the Sydney Olympics, taking three gold | known as Thorpedo was busy dominating the Sydney Olympics, taking three gold |
| and two silver and setting a new 400-metre Olympic record, Roberts told me in | and two silver and setting a new 400-metre Olympic record, Roberts told me in |
| an interview that he became Australia’s first out footballer for “selfish” | an interview that he became Australia’s first out footballer for “selfish” |
| reasons: “It was like, fuck, you people don’t understand, this is not about you | reasons: “It was like, fuck, you people don’t understand, this is not about you |
| people, this is about me being comfortable with myself. I don’t give a fuck any | people, this is about me being comfortable with myself. I don’t give a fuck any |
| more. Would you just get out of my face?” | more. Would you just get out of my face?” |
| But it had also dawned on Roberts how important his being out there | But it had also dawned on Roberts how important his being out there |
| was to other people as a by-product, if not the cause: “That’s what I’ve been | was to other people as a by-product, if not the cause: “That’s what I’ve been |
| most appreciative of, the fact that I came out about. To let people know, not | most appreciative of, the fact that I came out about. To let people know, not |
| particularly straight people, let other gay kids know that fuckin’, you know, | particularly straight people, let other gay kids know that fuckin’, you know, |
| it’s all sorts. Don’t pocket yourselves. That’s unfortunately what our culture | it’s all sorts. Don’t pocket yourselves. That’s unfortunately what our culture |
| does to a lot of people. They start pocketing themselves, thinking they don’t | does to a lot of people. They start pocketing themselves, thinking they don’t |
| fuckin’ fit into that style, what they’ve been brought up to think gay is. But | fuckin’ fit into that style, what they’ve been brought up to think gay is. But |
| it’s a maturity thing, too. It’s almost like everyone learns in a different | it’s a maturity thing, too. It’s almost like everyone learns in a different |
| way.” | way.” |
| In 2008, The Sydney Morning Herald asked 20-year-old Beijing Olympics | In 2008, The Sydney Morning Herald asked 20-year-old Beijing Olympics |
| hopeful Matthew Mitcham who he lived with, and Mitcham unintentionally outed | hopeful Matthew Mitcham who he lived with, and Mitcham unintentionally outed |
| himself as living with a male partner. Mitcham then went on to achieve the | himself as living with a male partner. Mitcham then went on to achieve the |
| highest-ever Olympic diving score with his back two-and-a-half somersault with | highest-ever Olympic diving score with his back two-and-a-half somersault with |
| two-and-a-half-twists in the pike position. It was only later that Mitcham’s | two-and-a-half-twists in the pike position. It was only later that Mitcham’s |
| struggle with depression manifested itself in crystal meth use. He has since | struggle with depression manifested itself in crystal meth use. He has since |
| emerged healthily on the other side, launching a side career in playing music | emerged healthily on the other side, launching a side career in playing music |
| and performing cabaret. | and performing cabaret. |
| But Mitcham’s matter-of-fact outing led many to speculate he’d be | But Mitcham’s matter-of-fact outing led many to speculate he’d be |
| denied lucrative sponsorship, until Telstra stepped up to the plate. “We don’t know | denied lucrative sponsorship, until Telstra stepped up to the plate. “We don’t know |
| whether that’s because of the global financial crisis or my sexuality,” Mitcham | whether that’s because of the global financial crisis or my sexuality,” Mitcham |
| told me in 2009. He found the number of gay kids who wrote to him praising his | told me in 2009. He found the number of gay kids who wrote to him praising his |
| outing as “humbling” but, refreshingly, “I don’t see sexuality as influencing my beliefs or | outing as “humbling” but, refreshingly, “I don’t see sexuality as influencing my beliefs or |
| opinions or perceptions of anybody, whether they’re gay, straight, bi, trans, | opinions or perceptions of anybody, whether they’re gay, straight, bi, trans, |
| experimental, I don’t care. I see it as a very uninfluential factor in people.” | experimental, I don’t care. I see it as a very uninfluential factor in people.” |
| The ranks of elite Australian gay sportspeople are surely much deeper | The ranks of elite Australian gay sportspeople are surely much deeper |
| and broader than their outed numbers would suggest. Swimmer Daniel Kowalski, | and broader than their outed numbers would suggest. Swimmer Daniel Kowalski, |
| who won four Olympic medals, accepted his sexuality in 2006 after a “huge | who won four Olympic medals, accepted his sexuality in 2006 after a “huge |
| anxiety attack”, and outed himself in an essay published in 2010, after his | anxiety attack”, and outed himself in an essay published in 2010, after his |
| swimming career was over. Two decades after her sprinting career ended, seven-times | swimming career was over. Two decades after her sprinting career ended, seven-times |
| Commonwealth Games gold medallist Raelene Boyle’s revelation about her sexuality in her | Commonwealth Games gold medallist Raelene Boyle’s revelation about her sexuality in her |
| autobiography Sometimes Beaten, Never Conquered, written with Garry Linnell, | autobiography Sometimes Beaten, Never Conquered, written with Garry Linnell, |
| barely raised a ripple in the media. | barely raised a ripple in the media. |
| So it is that the weight of expectation on you is so great, Ian, given the voluntary outing of a sporting role model happens only two or | So it is that the weight of expectation on you is so great, Ian, given the voluntary outing of a sporting role model happens only two or |
| three times a decade. I hope you’ll forgive those who tweet or update their | three times a decade. I hope you’ll forgive those who tweet or update their |
| Facebook statuses with the inevitable sarcastic “I told you so” and “no | Facebook statuses with the inevitable sarcastic “I told you so” and “no |
| surprise there”. If there’s a point of public frustration, it may be that you | surprise there”. If there’s a point of public frustration, it may be that you |
| felt the need to actively deny your sexuality right throughout your 20s. Some | felt the need to actively deny your sexuality right throughout your 20s. Some |
| people take this denial personally. But your coming out is not about them. This | people take this denial personally. But your coming out is not about them. This |
| is all about you, and your healing. | is all about you, and your healing. |
| If there’s something about this episode for us all to reflect upon, | If there’s something about this episode for us all to reflect upon, |
| it is our support for the structures that oppress any person from choosing to | it is our support for the structures that oppress any person from choosing to |
| be the person they want to be. By that, I’m suggesting conservative business | be the person they want to be. By that, I’m suggesting conservative business |
| sponsors, who fail to see a person being truthful to themselves as an admirable | sponsors, who fail to see a person being truthful to themselves as an admirable |
| asset. But I am also pointing the finger at organised religion, and its | asset. But I am also pointing the finger at organised religion, and its |
| psychological harms of forcing us to hide and deny. | psychological harms of forcing us to hide and deny. |
| Thorpey, in your 2012 | Thorpey, in your 2012 |
| autobiography, you wrote about your fears about telling your family of your | autobiography, you wrote about your fears about telling your family of your |
| depression: “I know how Mum will react; | depression: “I know how Mum will react; |
| she’ll cry and ask me why I didn’t tell her and then she’ll tell me how proud | she’ll cry and ask me why I didn’t tell her and then she’ll tell me how proud |
| she is that I’ve finally talked about it. Dad is different. I’m not sure how | she is that I’ve finally talked about it. Dad is different. I’m not sure how |
| he’ll react. I know it’ll take time for him to come to terms with it and how it | he’ll react. I know it’ll take time for him to come to terms with it and how it |
| fits in with his religious beliefs. I hope it does, because family means a lot | fits in with his religious beliefs. I hope it does, because family means a lot |
| to me. He once said that he felt he’d lost me as a son [when Thorpe was 15 and | to me. He once said that he felt he’d lost me as a son [when Thorpe was 15 and |
| competing on the world stage]. I hope, in my honesty, he’ll feel as though he’s | competing on the world stage]. I hope, in my honesty, he’ll feel as though he’s |
| gained me back.” | gained me back.” |
| I didn’t know what you meant then; perhaps, if I think | I didn’t know what you meant then; perhaps, if I think |
| of the deeper isues your depression might signify, I understand it better now. | of the deeper isues your depression might signify, I understand it better now. |
| Language is a slippery thing. You also wrote in that | Language is a slippery thing. You also wrote in that |
| autobiography, “For the record, I am not gay and all my sexual experiences have | autobiography, “For the record, I am not gay and all my sexual experiences have |
| been straight. I'm attracted to women, I love children and aspire to have a | been straight. I'm attracted to women, I love children and aspire to have a |
| family one day … I know what it's like to grow up and be told what your sexuality | family one day … I know what it's like to grow up and be told what your sexuality |
| is, then realising that it’s not the full reality. I was accused of being gay | is, then realising that it’s not the full reality. I was accused of being gay |
| before I knew who I was.” | before I knew who I was.” |
| The word “accuse”, which you use often, can connote | The word “accuse”, which you use often, can connote |
| something bad; it sounds complicit with the language of oppression when applied | something bad; it sounds complicit with the language of oppression when applied |
| to someone simply being gay, or someone’s lover. But perhaps in our rush to | to someone simply being gay, or someone’s lover. But perhaps in our rush to |
| pigeonhole you, some of us didn’t stop to think that suggestions of | pigeonhole you, some of us didn’t stop to think that suggestions of |
| homosexuality really did feel like an accusation: tabloid Channel Ten reported immediately | homosexuality really did feel like an accusation: tabloid Channel Ten reported immediately |
| on Sunday night in its news service that you had “admitted” to being gay, like | on Sunday night in its news service that you had “admitted” to being gay, like |
| a man who had been on a long trial. Gay people throughout the noughties had hoped, | a man who had been on a long trial. Gay people throughout the noughties had hoped, |
| and sometimes unfairly expected, you to shoulder our hopes for a world more | and sometimes unfairly expected, you to shoulder our hopes for a world more |
| accepting of diversity. | accepting of diversity. |
| But these are the words of yours that shall be etched | But these are the words of yours that shall be etched |
| into history: “I’m comfortable saying I’m a gay man and I don’t want young | into history: “I’m comfortable saying I’m a gay man and I don’t want young |
| people to feel the same way I did. You can grow up, you can be comfortable, and | people to feel the same way I did. You can grow up, you can be comfortable, and |
| you can be gay.” | you can be gay.” |
| Please don’t be ashamed that you didn’t come out earlier. Thank | Please don’t be ashamed that you didn’t come out earlier. Thank |
| you for being true to yourself, because in the end that’s all that matters. I | you for being true to yourself, because in the end that’s all that matters. I |
| hope the love of your life is just around the corner. Breathe out, Thorpey. | hope the love of your life is just around the corner. Breathe out, Thorpey. |
| • If you are affected by issues raised in this piece, you can contact Lifeline 13 11 14 and beyond blue 1300 22 4636 in Australia, or the Samaritans in the UK 08457 90 90 90 |