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| Breathe out, Ian Thorpe, and thank you | Breathe out, Ian Thorpe, and thank you |
| (35 minutes later) | |
| Thank you, Ian Thorpe. In the minds of gay people across Australia | Thank you, Ian Thorpe. In the minds of gay people across Australia |
| who have followed your spectacular international swimming career, you have again | who have followed your spectacular international swimming career, you have again |
| joined the ranks of the elite. Your public self-outing means so much in a | joined the ranks of the elite. Your public self-outing means so much in a |
| country such as this one, where sport is the king of culture and young people | country such as this one, where sport is the king of culture and young people |
| who do not fit the mould suffer in silence, or worse. | who do not fit the mould suffer in silence, or worse. |
| You are now part of a handful of local gay sporting heroes who, | You are now part of a handful of local gay sporting heroes who, |
| accidental role models or not, have demonstrated it is OK to be different. You | accidental role models or not, have demonstrated it is OK to be different. You |
| came to this careful decision at the age of 31 in a | came to this careful decision at the age of 31 in a |
| prime-time discussion with British interviewer Michael Parkinson. | prime-time discussion with British interviewer Michael Parkinson. |
| No one | No one |
| else should expect the right to out you; your decision to publicly make peace | else should expect the right to out you; your decision to publicly make peace |
| with your own truth should be entirely about yourself. I am sorry you were being asked at age 16 if you were gay. That is completely inappropriate. I couldn’t bring myself to use the word about | with your own truth should be entirely about yourself. I am sorry you were being asked at age 16 if you were gay. That is completely inappropriate. I couldn’t bring myself to use the word about |
| myself until I was 24, so I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve had | myself until I was 24, so I understand where you’re coming from. I’ve had |
| “faggot” yelled at me in the street, too, and always thought the best way to | “faggot” yelled at me in the street, too, and always thought the best way to |
| combat verbal and physical attacks was to be out and proud, and safer in | combat verbal and physical attacks was to be out and proud, and safer in |
| numbers. But that’s just me. We all come to this decision in our own time. I’m | numbers. But that’s just me. We all come to this decision in our own time. I’m |
| pleased that your family is supportive, and I guess your mum is just being | pleased that your family is supportive, and I guess your mum is just being |
| honest when she says she was shocked at the revelation of your sexuality, even | honest when she says she was shocked at the revelation of your sexuality, even |
| now. | now. |
| You can understand, hopefully, why so many wanted to co-opt you as a | You can understand, hopefully, why so many wanted to co-opt you as a |
| role model, and followed you with such intense concern. You have always carried | role model, and followed you with such intense concern. You have always carried |
| yourself with such grace, intelligence and charm; who wouldn’t want you on | yourself with such grace, intelligence and charm; who wouldn’t want you on |
| their team? Even in recent years, when your long, quiet battle with depression outlined | their team? Even in recent years, when your long, quiet battle with depression outlined |
| in your 2012 autobiography has weighed so heavily, manifesting in alcohol abuse. | in your 2012 autobiography has weighed so heavily, manifesting in alcohol abuse. |
| We put our sports heroes on such monolithic plinths in Australia; the worst of | We put our sports heroes on such monolithic plinths in Australia; the worst of |
| our natures, shamefully, is that we watch voyeuristically, then share sneaky smartphone and paparazzi snaps when the edifice crumbles. | our natures, shamefully, is that we watch voyeuristically, then share sneaky smartphone and paparazzi snaps when the edifice crumbles. |
| The handful of self-selected, outed elite sports people in Australia | The handful of self-selected, outed elite sports people in Australia |
| have all struggled with the weight of public expectation and of keeping their | have all struggled with the weight of public expectation and of keeping their |
| difference hidden. The closeted rugby league player Ian Roberts came close to | difference hidden. The closeted rugby league player Ian Roberts came close to |
| breakdown more than 20 years ago, before he started bringing his then male | breakdown more than 20 years ago, before he started bringing his then male |
| partner to football training sessions, as he outlined in Paul Freeman’s 1997 | partner to football training sessions, as he outlined in Paul Freeman’s 1997 |
| biography, Finding Out. I read his book, and came out to my own mother. | biography, Finding Out. I read his book, and came out to my own mother. |
| In September 2000, the same month a 17-year-old swimming sensation | In September 2000, the same month a 17-year-old swimming sensation |
| known as Thorpedo was busy dominating the Sydney Olympics, taking three gold | known as Thorpedo was busy dominating the Sydney Olympics, taking three gold |
| and two silver and setting a new 400-metre Olympic record, Roberts told me in | and two silver and setting a new 400-metre Olympic record, Roberts told me in |
| an interview that he became Australia’s first out footballer for “selfish” | an interview that he became Australia’s first out footballer for “selfish” |
| reasons: “It was like, fuck, you people don’t understand, this is not about you | reasons: “It was like, fuck, you people don’t understand, this is not about you |
| people, this is about me being comfortable with myself. I don’t give a fuck any | people, this is about me being comfortable with myself. I don’t give a fuck any |
| more. Would you just get out of my face?” | more. Would you just get out of my face?” |
| But it had also dawned on Roberts how important his being out there | But it had also dawned on Roberts how important his being out there |
| was to other people as a by-product, if not the cause: “That’s what I’ve been | was to other people as a by-product, if not the cause: “That’s what I’ve been |
| most appreciative of, the fact that I came out about. To let people know, not | most appreciative of, the fact that I came out about. To let people know, not |
| particularly straight people, let other gay kids know that fuckin’, you know, | particularly straight people, let other gay kids know that fuckin’, you know, |
| it’s all sorts. Don’t pocket yourselves. That’s unfortunately what our culture | it’s all sorts. Don’t pocket yourselves. That’s unfortunately what our culture |
| does to a lot of people. They start pocketing themselves, thinking they don’t | does to a lot of people. They start pocketing themselves, thinking they don’t |
| fuckin’ fit into that style, what they’ve been brought up to think gay is. But | fuckin’ fit into that style, what they’ve been brought up to think gay is. But |
| it’s a maturity thing, too. It’s almost like everyone learns in a different | it’s a maturity thing, too. It’s almost like everyone learns in a different |
| way.” | way.” |
| In 2008, The Sydney Morning Herald asked 20-year-old Beijing Olympics | In 2008, The Sydney Morning Herald asked 20-year-old Beijing Olympics |
| hopeful Matthew Mitcham who he lived with, and Mitcham unintentionally outed | hopeful Matthew Mitcham who he lived with, and Mitcham unintentionally outed |
| himself as living with a male partner. Mitcham then went on to achieve the | himself as living with a male partner. Mitcham then went on to achieve the |
| highest-ever Olympic diving score with his back two-and-a-half somersault with | highest-ever Olympic diving score with his back two-and-a-half somersault with |
| two-and-a-half-twists in the pike position. It was only later that Mitcham’s | two-and-a-half-twists in the pike position. It was only later that Mitcham’s |
| struggle with depression manifested itself in crystal meth use. He has since | struggle with depression manifested itself in crystal meth use. He has since |
| emerged healthily on the other side, launching a side career in playing music | emerged healthily on the other side, launching a side career in playing music |
| and performing cabaret. | and performing cabaret. |
| But Mitcham’s matter-of-fact outing led many to speculate he’d be | But Mitcham’s matter-of-fact outing led many to speculate he’d be |
| denied lucrative sponsorship, until Telstra stepped up to the plate. “We don’t know | denied lucrative sponsorship, until Telstra stepped up to the plate. “We don’t know |
| whether that’s because of the global financial crisis or my sexuality,” Mitcham | whether that’s because of the global financial crisis or my sexuality,” Mitcham |
| told me in 2009. He found the number of gay kids who wrote to him praising his | told me in 2009. He found the number of gay kids who wrote to him praising his |
| outing as “humbling” but, refreshingly, “I don’t see sexuality as influencing my beliefs or | outing as “humbling” but, refreshingly, “I don’t see sexuality as influencing my beliefs or |
| opinions or perceptions of anybody, whether they’re gay, straight, bi, trans, | opinions or perceptions of anybody, whether they’re gay, straight, bi, trans, |
| experimental, I don’t care. I see it as a very uninfluential factor in people.” | experimental, I don’t care. I see it as a very uninfluential factor in people.” |
| The ranks of elite Australian gay sportspeople are surely much deeper | The ranks of elite Australian gay sportspeople are surely much deeper |
| and broader than their outed numbers would suggest. Swimmer Daniel Kowalski, | and broader than their outed numbers would suggest. Swimmer Daniel Kowalski, |
| who won four Olympic medals, accepted his sexuality in 2006 after a “huge | who won four Olympic medals, accepted his sexuality in 2006 after a “huge |
| anxiety attack”, and outed himself in an essay published in 2010, after his | anxiety attack”, and outed himself in an essay published in 2010, after his |
| swimming career was over. Two decades after her sprinting career ended, seven-times | swimming career was over. Two decades after her sprinting career ended, seven-times |
| Commonwealth Games gold medallist Raelene Boyle’s revelation about her sexuality in her | Commonwealth Games gold medallist Raelene Boyle’s revelation about her sexuality in her |
| autobiography Sometimes Beaten, Never Conquered, written with Garry Linnell, | autobiography Sometimes Beaten, Never Conquered, written with Garry Linnell, |
| barely raised a ripple in the media. | barely raised a ripple in the media. |
| So it is that the weight of expectation on you is so great, Ian, given the voluntary outing of a sporting role model happens only two or | So it is that the weight of expectation on you is so great, Ian, given the voluntary outing of a sporting role model happens only two or |
| three times a decade. I hope you’ll forgive those who tweet or update their | three times a decade. I hope you’ll forgive those who tweet or update their |
| Facebook statuses with the inevitable sarcastic “I told you so” and “no | Facebook statuses with the inevitable sarcastic “I told you so” and “no |
| surprise there”. If there’s a point of public frustration, it may be that you | surprise there”. If there’s a point of public frustration, it may be that you |
| felt the need to actively deny your sexuality right throughout your 20s. Some | felt the need to actively deny your sexuality right throughout your 20s. Some |
| people take this denial personally. But your coming out is not about them. This | people take this denial personally. But your coming out is not about them. This |
| is all about you, and your healing. | is all about you, and your healing. |
| If there’s something about this episode for us all to reflect upon, | If there’s something about this episode for us all to reflect upon, |
| it is our support for the structures that oppress any person from choosing to | it is our support for the structures that oppress any person from choosing to |
| be the person they want to be. By that, I’m suggesting conservative business | be the person they want to be. By that, I’m suggesting conservative business |
| sponsors, who fail to see a person being truthful to themselves as an admirable | sponsors, who fail to see a person being truthful to themselves as an admirable |
| asset. But I am also pointing the finger at organised religion, and its | asset. But I am also pointing the finger at organised religion, and its |
| psychological harms of forcing us to hide and deny. | psychological harms of forcing us to hide and deny. |
| Thorpey, in your 2012 | |
| autobiography, you wrote about your fears about telling your family of your | |
| depression: “I know how Mum will react; | depression: “I know how Mum will react; |
| she’ll cry and ask me why I didn’t tell her and then she’ll tell me how proud | she’ll cry and ask me why I didn’t tell her and then she’ll tell me how proud |
| she is that I’ve finally talked about it. Dad is different. I’m not sure how | she is that I’ve finally talked about it. Dad is different. I’m not sure how |
| he’ll react. I know it’ll take time for him to come to terms with it and how it | he’ll react. I know it’ll take time for him to come to terms with it and how it |
| fits in with his religious beliefs. I hope it does, because family means a lot | fits in with his religious beliefs. I hope it does, because family means a lot |
| to me. He once said that he felt he’d lost me as a son [when Thorpe was 15 and | to me. He once said that he felt he’d lost me as a son [when Thorpe was 15 and |
| competing on the world stage]. I hope, in my honesty, he’ll feel as though he’s | competing on the world stage]. I hope, in my honesty, he’ll feel as though he’s |
| gained me back.” | gained me back.” |
| I didn’t know what you meant then; perhaps, if I think | I didn’t know what you meant then; perhaps, if I think |
| of the deeper isues your depression might signify, I understand it better now. | of the deeper isues your depression might signify, I understand it better now. |
| Language is a slippery thing. You also wrote in that | Language is a slippery thing. You also wrote in that |
| autobiography, “For the record, I am not gay and all my sexual experiences have | autobiography, “For the record, I am not gay and all my sexual experiences have |
| been straight. I'm attracted to women, I love children and aspire to have a | been straight. I'm attracted to women, I love children and aspire to have a |
| family one day … I know what it's like to grow up and be told what your sexuality | family one day … I know what it's like to grow up and be told what your sexuality |
| is, then realising that it’s not the full reality. I was accused of being gay | is, then realising that it’s not the full reality. I was accused of being gay |
| before I knew who I was.” | before I knew who I was.” |
| The word “accuse”, which you use often, can connote | The word “accuse”, which you use often, can connote |
| something bad; it sounds complicit with the language of oppression when applied | something bad; it sounds complicit with the language of oppression when applied |
| to someone simply being gay, or someone’s lover. But perhaps in our rush to | to someone simply being gay, or someone’s lover. But perhaps in our rush to |
| pigeonhole you, some of us didn’t stop to think that suggestions of | pigeonhole you, some of us didn’t stop to think that suggestions of |
| homosexuality really did feel like an accusation: tabloid Channel Ten reported immediately | homosexuality really did feel like an accusation: tabloid Channel Ten reported immediately |
| on Sunday night in its news service that you had “admitted” to being gay, like | on Sunday night in its news service that you had “admitted” to being gay, like |
| a man who had been on a long trial. Gay people throughout the noughties had hoped, | |
| and sometimes unfairly expected, you to shoulder our hopes for a world more | and sometimes unfairly expected, you to shoulder our hopes for a world more |
| accepting of diversity. | accepting of diversity. |
| But these are the words of yours that shall be etched | But these are the words of yours that shall be etched |
| into history: “I’m comfortable saying I’m a gay man and I don’t want young | into history: “I’m comfortable saying I’m a gay man and I don’t want young |
| people to feel the same way I did. You can grow up, you can be comfortable, and | people to feel the same way I did. You can grow up, you can be comfortable, and |
| you can be gay.” | you can be gay.” |
| Please don’t be ashamed that you didn’t come out earlier. Thank | Please don’t be ashamed that you didn’t come out earlier. Thank |
| you for being true to yourself, because in the end that’s all that matters. I | you for being true to yourself, because in the end that’s all that matters. I |
| hope the love of your life is just around the corner. Breathe out, Thorpey. | hope the love of your life is just around the corner. Breathe out, Thorpey. |