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| Death and my daughters | Death and my daughters |
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| Normal family life: Sudhir, Renu and their daughters | Normal family life: Sudhir, Renu and their daughters |
| Sudhir Sharma's daughters were three and six when their mother died of cancer. As the BBC's Newsround looks at how children cope with bereavement, Mr Sharma tells how a young family has come through its profound loss. | Sudhir Sharma's daughters were three and six when their mother died of cancer. As the BBC's Newsround looks at how children cope with bereavement, Mr Sharma tells how a young family has come through its profound loss. |
| I had never know anyone with cancer and when I was told my wife, Renu, had stage four ovarian cancer, I walked away from the specialist not really knowing what he had said. | I had never know anyone with cancer and when I was told my wife, Renu, had stage four ovarian cancer, I walked away from the specialist not really knowing what he had said. |
| But then you talk to people and you realise that you are not the only one whose life cancer has touched. They are all around you. Some still fighting and others, like Renu, who have lost the fight. | But then you talk to people and you realise that you are not the only one whose life cancer has touched. They are all around you. Some still fighting and others, like Renu, who have lost the fight. |
| Remembering mum - the family look over old photos | Remembering mum - the family look over old photos |
| For us it came out of the blue and was all consuming. Our whole life was put on hold and started to revolve around this thing none of us could see. I was on the internet reading up about it, to understand how it takes a hold of the body and how it is treated. | |
| Everyone I met would ask: "How is she doing?" But very few asked me: "How are you doing?" My identity had gone with this thing; not only as a father but as a husband and person. I was now a full-time carer who could not work and was too tired to look after his young daughters. | Everyone I met would ask: "How is she doing?" But very few asked me: "How are you doing?" My identity had gone with this thing; not only as a father but as a husband and person. I was now a full-time carer who could not work and was too tired to look after his young daughters. |
| I now look back at the whole illness as a journey. People ask: "How did you cope?" Well, what other option was there, you just have to cope. It is the hand you are dealt and you have to play it. | I now look back at the whole illness as a journey. People ask: "How did you cope?" Well, what other option was there, you just have to cope. It is the hand you are dealt and you have to play it. |
| My eldest at six years old became mum to a three-year-old Sudhir Sharma | |
| Some friends called and would cry. "How can you be so strong?" they would ask. | Some friends called and would cry. "How can you be so strong?" they would ask. |
| I had no control of the disease but I could control the way I handled it and the way Renu saw me react, so I presented her with a smile. All my crying was done in private, away from everyone. | I had no control of the disease but I could control the way I handled it and the way Renu saw me react, so I presented her with a smile. All my crying was done in private, away from everyone. |
| I remember when Renu was taken by ambulance to Oxford Hospital for her last few weeks and I stood in the drive watching the ambulance pull away knowing she was never coming back home. I have never felt so alone in my life. I could have been on a remote island in the Pacific. | I remember when Renu was taken by ambulance to Oxford Hospital for her last few weeks and I stood in the drive watching the ambulance pull away knowing she was never coming back home. I have never felt so alone in my life. I could have been on a remote island in the Pacific. |
| Never before had I given carers or single parents a second thought but now, having done both jobs, I have a newfound understanding and respect for them. Things look very different from this side of the track. | Never before had I given carers or single parents a second thought but now, having done both jobs, I have a newfound understanding and respect for them. Things look very different from this side of the track. |
| The girls had to cope with the loss | |
| I have had to evolve from being a husband - a title I no longer hold - to being a single dad, a housekeeper and the sole breadwinner; a very different role. I do not have the luxury of a partner to share things with. Now it is all down to me. | I have had to evolve from being a husband - a title I no longer hold - to being a single dad, a housekeeper and the sole breadwinner; a very different role. I do not have the luxury of a partner to share things with. Now it is all down to me. |
| My daughters have had to deal with a dad who does not always cope well and they have to do more themselves. My eldest at six years old became mum to a three-year-old and would help her get dressed, feed her and get her ready for bed. Now at 11 she still tries to mother her eight-year-old sister even though I tell her that role is no longer hers. It belongs to me. | My daughters have had to deal with a dad who does not always cope well and they have to do more themselves. My eldest at six years old became mum to a three-year-old and would help her get dressed, feed her and get her ready for bed. Now at 11 she still tries to mother her eight-year-old sister even though I tell her that role is no longer hers. It belongs to me. |
| But what we must not forget is the person who went through all the pain and treatments and operations and how they were affected, because they lost the most. Renu lost watching her daughters grow into fine young ladies, helping them with their homework and planning birthday parties. The things we all take for granted. | But what we must not forget is the person who went through all the pain and treatments and operations and how they were affected, because they lost the most. Renu lost watching her daughters grow into fine young ladies, helping them with their homework and planning birthday parties. The things we all take for granted. |
| It is also strange how one incident can change your outlook. Renu had a severe anaphylactic shock due to her chemotherapy, which led to cardiac arrest and respiratory arrest. In other words, she died and was brought back. This changed her view on life. She was not afraid of dying anymore because she had been there once. | It is also strange how one incident can change your outlook. Renu had a severe anaphylactic shock due to her chemotherapy, which led to cardiac arrest and respiratory arrest. In other words, she died and was brought back. This changed her view on life. She was not afraid of dying anymore because she had been there once. |
| Family portrait: Renu had a severe reaction to her chemotherapy | |
| Her words were: "I am not afraid to die because when I do, nothing will be my problem. It will all be yours (Sudhir)." And she was right. Everything I do now has to be done for me and the girls. | Her words were: "I am not afraid to die because when I do, nothing will be my problem. It will all be yours (Sudhir)." And she was right. Everything I do now has to be done for me and the girls. |
| She will always be in our thoughts and we will always go to Renu's favourite restaurant for her birthday. But life also moves on and the past has to stay there. You have to grasp the future with both handsÂ… something we occasionally forget. | She will always be in our thoughts and we will always go to Renu's favourite restaurant for her birthday. But life also moves on and the past has to stay there. You have to grasp the future with both handsÂ… something we occasionally forget. |
| Newsround: Gone will be broadcast on Monday 30 March at 1830 BST on the CBBC Channel and again on Tuesday 31 March at 1655 BST on BBC One. | |
| Add your comments on this story, using the form below. | Add your comments on this story, using the form below. |
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