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So, 16 Republican candidates walk into a presidential nomination contest ... So, 16 Republican candidates walk into a presidential nomination contest ...
(35 minutes later)
Ohio governor John Kasich announced he is running for president on Tuesday, making him the 16th candidate for the Republican party nomination.Ohio governor John Kasich announced he is running for president on Tuesday, making him the 16th candidate for the Republican party nomination.
It’s a happy occasion for the number 16. Kasich’s bid comes 16 years after he last ran for president. The candidates are running for the 2016 election. And did we mention there are 16 of them?It’s a happy occasion for the number 16. Kasich’s bid comes 16 years after he last ran for president. The candidates are running for the 2016 election. And did we mention there are 16 of them?
Without further ado, here is a list of 16 things you could do with the 16 GOP hopefuls. We are waiting to hear back from the Republican National Committee on the feasibility of each.Without further ado, here is a list of 16 things you could do with the 16 GOP hopefuls. We are waiting to hear back from the Republican National Committee on the feasibility of each.
Related: US presidential candidates: who's running in 2016?Related: US presidential candidates: who's running in 2016?
1) Enter them all in Celebrity Apprentice. Each show welcomes 16 contestants, and it would be a great opportunity to test the business chops many claim to have. One problem might be convincing NBC to let Donald Trump back on TV. The network severed all ties with the former Apprentice host following his now infamous “Mexican rapists” comments. 1) Enter them all in The Celebrity Apprentice. Each show welcomes 16 contestants, and it would be a great opportunity to test the business chops many claim to have. One problem might be convincing NBC to let Donald Trump back on TV. The network severed all ties with the former Apprentice host following his now infamous “Mexican rapists” comments.
2) Set up four teams of four crack Vietnam vets who have been framed for crimes they didn’t commit and are now on the run from the military: the A-Team, the B-Team, the C-Team and the D-Team. They fight crime and survive as soldiers of fortune and love it when a plan comes together. Also, one person in each team has a fear of flying. This could hinder their election prospects, given the need for cross-country travel.2) Set up four teams of four crack Vietnam vets who have been framed for crimes they didn’t commit and are now on the run from the military: the A-Team, the B-Team, the C-Team and the D-Team. They fight crime and survive as soldiers of fortune and love it when a plan comes together. Also, one person in each team has a fear of flying. This could hinder their election prospects, given the need for cross-country travel.
3) Carry out a military gun salute as performed for army, marine corps and air force lieutenant generals, and navy and coast guard vice-admirals. Actually, such salutes use 15 guns, so the salute could be turned into a 15-gun firing squad plus one unlucky candidate.3) Carry out a military gun salute as performed for army, marine corps and air force lieutenant generals, and navy and coast guard vice-admirals. Actually, such salutes use 15 guns, so the salute could be turned into a 15-gun firing squad plus one unlucky candidate.
4) Dress them up as the most important chess pieces and have them play each other. Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum are religious: they could be bishops. Jeb Bush, the frontrunner in the race, would be the queen. If anyone can ride a horse, then that person is a knight. The pawns would be Fox News reporters.4) Dress them up as the most important chess pieces and have them play each other. Mike Huckabee and Rick Santorum are religious: they could be bishops. Jeb Bush, the frontrunner in the race, would be the queen. If anyone can ride a horse, then that person is a knight. The pawns would be Fox News reporters.
5) Assign each one a psychological type, of which, according to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, there are 16. With any luck each candidate, upon assessment, will turn out to be a different one. And with the help of a team of psychologists, the most suitable candidate for president is selected. 5) Assign each one a psychological type, of which, according to the Myers-Briggs Type Indicator, there are 16. With any luck, each candidate, upon assessment, will turn out to be a different one. And with the help of a team of psychologists, the most suitable candidate for president is selected.
6) Assign one candidate to each of the 15 baseball teams in either the National League or the American League. Chris Christie – who recently won MVP in a charity softball game – could be a big asset. Bush could follow in his brother’s footsteps as a franchise owner. Huckabee is known for talking in baseball cliches. One candidate gets to be a referee. 6) Assign one candidate to each of the 15 baseball teams in either the National League or the American League. Chris Christie – who was recently named MVP in a charity softball game – could be a major asset. Bush could follow in his brother’s footsteps as a franchise owner. Huckabee is known for talking in baseball cliches. One candidate gets to be an umpire.
7) Based on an eight-hour sleep pattern, there are 16 waking hours in the day. Each presidential hopeful is assigned one hour per day in which to impress the electorate. The hour can be spent either dancing, weight-lifting or singing.7) Based on an eight-hour sleep pattern, there are 16 waking hours in the day. Each presidential hopeful is assigned one hour per day in which to impress the electorate. The hour can be spent either dancing, weight-lifting or singing.
8) Two eight-person rowing teams are established. But instead of “rowing” in a nautical sense, they have to “row” in the acrimonious verbal dispute sense. Whoever creates the most uproar advances to the debates.8) Two eight-person rowing teams are established. But instead of “rowing” in a nautical sense, they have to “row” in the acrimonious verbal dispute sense. Whoever creates the most uproar advances to the debates.
9) Re-shoot all seven Harry Potter movies using Santorum and co to play the 15 characters – according to this – that were in the books but never made it to celluloid. One person acts as director and producer. 9) Re-shoot all seven Harry Potter movies using Santorum and co to play the 15 characters – according to this – who were in the books but never made it to celluloid. One person acts as director and producer.
10) Sixteen is the atomic number of sulfur. Sulfur is attributable to the smell of odorized natural gas (that pungent eggy smell), garlic and even skunk scent. The 16 candidates are assembled; the one that emits the most sulfuric scent is chosen to run for office. 10) Sixteen is the atomic number of sulfur. The smell of odorized natural gas – that pungent, eggy smell – is attributable to sulfur, as are the scents of garlic and even skunks. The 16 candidates are assembled; the one that emits the most sulfuric scent is chosen to run for office.
11) There are 16 race-tracks in the popular video games Mario Kart 64 and Mario Kart: Double Dash!! One Republican races each track in an exciting eliminator competition. 11) There are 16 racetracks in the popular video games Mario Kart 64 and Mario Kart: Double Dash!! One Republican races each track in an exciting eliminator competition.
12) Form a 15-person hurling team. You play with big sticks and wear little protective padding. It can get quite rough. A good opportunity to adjudge bravery. One person with asthma is excused.12) Form a 15-person hurling team. You play with big sticks and wear little protective padding. It can get quite rough. A good opportunity to adjudge bravery. One person with asthma is excused.
13) Er ... form a 15-person rugby union team. Rugby is an aggressive, physical game full of gnarled, burly characters, played with little protective padding. One person who forgot their gym-kit is excused. 13) Er ... form a 15-person rugby union team. Rugby is an aggressive, physical game full of gnarled, burly characters, played with little protective padding. One person who forgot their gym gear is excused.
14) Set up a choir. A 16-person choir.14) Set up a choir. A 16-person choir.
15) Set up a troupe of line-dancers. Sixteen of them.15) Set up a troupe of line-dancers. Sixteen of them.
16) Get the 16 candidates to come up with a 16th thing that you can do with 16 Republicans.16) Get the 16 candidates to come up with a 16th thing that you can do with 16 Republicans.