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Extravagant words and empty benches as MPs fail BBC screen test Extravagant words and empty benches as MPs fail BBC screen test
(about 1 hour later)
On any other day it might have been BBC Parliament that was up for discussion. Watched by very few and loved by even fewer, it is exactly the kind of TV channel many licence fee-payers could happily do without: for all its public service value, BBC Parliament has also been guilty of many excesses – the least of which has been to broadcast hours and hours of live footage of near empty green benches. Its worst crimes against television have been George Osborne’s new haircut and the forum it gives to the more narcissistic MPs to launch their careers on other radio and TV shows.On any other day it might have been BBC Parliament that was up for discussion. Watched by very few and loved by even fewer, it is exactly the kind of TV channel many licence fee-payers could happily do without: for all its public service value, BBC Parliament has also been guilty of many excesses – the least of which has been to broadcast hours and hours of live footage of near empty green benches. Its worst crimes against television have been George Osborne’s new haircut and the forum it gives to the more narcissistic MPs to launch their careers on other radio and TV shows.
Related: Biggest BBC shakeup in a decade as Tories put corporation under reviewRelated: Biggest BBC shakeup in a decade as Tories put corporation under review
It was mildly unfortunate, then, that one of Auntie’s most loyal supporters, the shadow culture secretary, Chris Bryant, should use his response to the government’s slash-and-burn-the-Beeb green paper as a pitch for his own TV chatshow. Or, failing that, an extra in Sherlock.It was mildly unfortunate, then, that one of Auntie’s most loyal supporters, the shadow culture secretary, Chris Bryant, should use his response to the government’s slash-and-burn-the-Beeb green paper as a pitch for his own TV chatshow. Or, failing that, an extra in Sherlock.
In contrast, the culture secretary, John Whittingdale – having already leaked everything of interest to the Sunday Times and the Daily Mail – arrived at the Commons intent on getting the whole charade over and done with as soon as possible.In contrast, the culture secretary, John Whittingdale – having already leaked everything of interest to the Sunday Times and the Daily Mail – arrived at the Commons intent on getting the whole charade over and done with as soon as possible.
“Obviously I am considering every possibility apart from the ones I have already ruled out,” he mumbled, “and I want to hear a wide range of views even if I’m not going to listen to them though I do intend to charge for catch-up services because if people are going to get the chance to remind themselves of political reverse-ferrets then they should pay for it but anyway it’s a hot day and I’m keen to watch the cricket on Sky so if you don’t mind I’ll wrap this up right now thank you very much for coming.”“Obviously I am considering every possibility apart from the ones I have already ruled out,” he mumbled, “and I want to hear a wide range of views even if I’m not going to listen to them though I do intend to charge for catch-up services because if people are going to get the chance to remind themselves of political reverse-ferrets then they should pay for it but anyway it’s a hot day and I’m keen to watch the cricket on Sky so if you don’t mind I’ll wrap this up right now thank you very much for coming.”
“The BBC is the country’s cultural equivalent to the NHS,” Bryant declaimed extravagantly, sounding like a cross between Laurence Olivier and Graham Norton. To almost no one. For all the strong feelings the Beeb supposedly generates among MPs, virtually all of them had found something better to do than debate it. Not even Jesse Norman, the chair of the culture select committee, had turned up. Perhaps he had tickets for Lord’s. I’m told they are gold-dust. “The BBC is the country’s cultural equivalent to the NHS,” Bryant declaimed extravagantly, sounding like a cross between Laurence Olivier and Graham Norton. To almost no one. For all the strong feelings the Beeb supposedly generates among MPs, virtually all of them had found something better to do than debate it. Not even Jesse Norman, the chair of the culture select committee, had turned up. Perhaps he had tickets for Lord’s. I’m told they are gold dust.
Undeterred at the lack of an audience – a professional never lets his mask slip when the cameras are rolling – Bryant just kept going. “The BBC is the golden thread ... I love the BBC more than life itself ... When do we not want Radio 1 and when don’t we want it?... The minister is Blofeld to Judi Dench’s M and Daniel Craig’s Bond.” As an audition piece it didn’t quite hit the mark. Undeterred by the lack of an audience – a professional never lets his mask slip when the cameras are rolling – Bryant just kept going. “The BBC is the golden thread ... I love the BBC more than life itself ... When do we not want Radio 1 and when don’t we want it?... The minister is Blofeld to Judi Dench’s M and Daniel Craig’s Bond.” As an audition piece it didn’t quite hit the mark.
Having remembered Dench had already been killed off in the final scene of Skyfall, Whittingdale stroked an imaginary cat and invited anyone else who was hard enough to come and have a go. Out of the woodwork they came. There were too many regional TV channels, John Redwood snarled. “We need a BBC England.” The Conservative MP’s self-parody is now lurching into a personality disorder: most people would happily pay for a BBC Redwood, where he could talk to to himself without bothering anyone else. Having remembered Dench had already been killed off in the final scene of Skyfall, Whittingdale stroked an imaginary cat and invited anyone else who was hard enough to come and have a go. Out of the woodwork they came. There were too many regional TV channels, John Redwood snarled. “We need a BBC England.” The Conservative MP’s self-parody is now lurching into a personality disorder: most people would happily pay for a BBC Redwood, where he could talk to himself without bothering anyone else.
Conservative Jason McCartney remembered he had met Brian Cox at the opening of the new parliament education centre the day before and wanted to say he thought some of his programmes were very informative and entertaining. Thanks for that Jason. I’m sure Brian will be thrilled to hear it.Conservative Jason McCartney remembered he had met Brian Cox at the opening of the new parliament education centre the day before and wanted to say he thought some of his programmes were very informative and entertaining. Thanks for that Jason. I’m sure Brian will be thrilled to hear it.
The Ulster Unionists were all convinced the BBC was full of Commies, pro-Europeans and believers in climate change. When were the creationists’ views going to be properly heard? There had also been some ugly rumours the BBC were using something called Twitter. “What’s that?” asked Whittingdale.The Ulster Unionists were all convinced the BBC was full of Commies, pro-Europeans and believers in climate change. When were the creationists’ views going to be properly heard? There had also been some ugly rumours the BBC were using something called Twitter. “What’s that?” asked Whittingdale.
The prize for cheek went to Conservative Steve Phillips, who was outraged at the amount of money some BBC executives earned. Phillips picks up an extra £450,000 a year moonlighting as a barrister: perhaps he’d like to donate his 10% MP’s pay rise to the BBC to help see it through these bumpy times. Bryant checked his mobile in case an invitation to appear on Have I Got News For You? had appeared via email. His face suggested not.The prize for cheek went to Conservative Steve Phillips, who was outraged at the amount of money some BBC executives earned. Phillips picks up an extra £450,000 a year moonlighting as a barrister: perhaps he’d like to donate his 10% MP’s pay rise to the BBC to help see it through these bumpy times. Bryant checked his mobile in case an invitation to appear on Have I Got News For You? had appeared via email. His face suggested not.