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| David Letterman skewers Trump with top 10 list in break from retirement | David Letterman skewers Trump with top 10 list in break from retirement |
| (about 4 hours later) | |
| David Letterman came out of retirement this weekend to deliver a brand-new top 10 list inspired by the surging presidential candidacy of Donald Trump. | |
| Related: 'I'm, like, a really smart person': Donald Trump exults in outsider status | Related: 'I'm, like, a really smart person': Donald Trump exults in outsider status |
| In an appearance onstage in Texas, Letterman, who ended his run on the Late Show in May, called missing out on lampooning Trump’s White House bid “the biggest mistake of my life”. | In an appearance onstage in Texas, Letterman, who ended his run on the Late Show in May, called missing out on lampooning Trump’s White House bid “the biggest mistake of my life”. |
| Trump is running second in polls concerning the crowded field of Republican contenders for president in 2016 – 14 candidates have declared so far and Scott Walker, the governor of Wisconsin, will follow on Monday – despite an ongoing furore over his comments about Mexico and illegal immigrants to the US. | Trump is running second in polls concerning the crowded field of Republican contenders for president in 2016 – 14 candidates have declared so far and Scott Walker, the governor of Wisconsin, will follow on Monday – despite an ongoing furore over his comments about Mexico and illegal immigrants to the US. |
| This weekend, Trump spoke to crowds in Los Angeles, Las Vegas and, in a rally which attracted thousands, Phoenix. He did not have any scheduled events on Sunday, when he was reported to have returned to New York. | This weekend, Trump spoke to crowds in Los Angeles, Las Vegas and, in a rally which attracted thousands, Phoenix. He did not have any scheduled events on Sunday, when he was reported to have returned to New York. |
| The Miss USA pageant, in which he owns a stake and which like other business interests has been negatively affected by reactions to his comments, was due to take place in Baton Rouge, Louisiana on Sunday night. | The Miss USA pageant, in which he owns a stake and which like other business interests has been negatively affected by reactions to his comments, was due to take place in Baton Rouge, Louisiana on Sunday night. |
| In answer to ongoing media questions about Trump this weekend, top Republicans struggled to distance themselves and their party from the business mogul and reality TV star, while not portraying themselves as soft on immigration. | In answer to ongoing media questions about Trump this weekend, top Republicans struggled to distance themselves and their party from the business mogul and reality TV star, while not portraying themselves as soft on immigration. |
| South Carolina senator Lindsey Graham went furthest, calling Trump a “demagogue” and “wrecking ball” during a Sunday appearance on CNN. | South Carolina senator Lindsey Graham went furthest, calling Trump a “demagogue” and “wrecking ball” during a Sunday appearance on CNN. |
| On Friday night, sporting a post-retirement beard and appearing with his friends Martin Short and Steve Martin at their live comedy show in San Antonio, Letterman made up for lost time with a list of “Interesting facts about Donald Trump”. | On Friday night, sporting a post-retirement beard and appearing with his friends Martin Short and Steve Martin at their live comedy show in San Antonio, Letterman made up for lost time with a list of “Interesting facts about Donald Trump”. |
| “I am so glad to be out of the house,” he said, before beginning his discussion of someone he called “a high-profile fellow” and “someone who doesn’t shy away from aspects of his life”. | “I am so glad to be out of the house,” he said, before beginning his discussion of someone he called “a high-profile fellow” and “someone who doesn’t shy away from aspects of his life”. |
| Letterman’s list – in homage to a constant feature of his time on the Late Show – mocked such familiar Trump targets as the billionaire developer’s hair and his famous vanity. | Letterman’s list – in homage to a constant feature of his time on the Late Show – mocked such familiar Trump targets as the billionaire developer’s hair and his famous vanity. |
| His first suggestion was: “That thing on his head was the gopher in Caddyshack.” Other cracks included the contention that Trump called out his own name during sex. | His first suggestion was: “That thing on his head was the gopher in Caddyshack.” Other cracks included the contention that Trump called out his own name during sex. |
| In reference to Trump’s demand for a secure southern border, a live issue in Texas, Letterman said: “He wants to build a wall. How about building a wall around that thing on his head?” | In reference to Trump’s demand for a secure southern border, a live issue in Texas, Letterman said: “He wants to build a wall. How about building a wall around that thing on his head?” |
| Related: Donald Trump: Republicans grapple with impact of 'wrecking ball' candidate | Related: Donald Trump: Republicans grapple with impact of 'wrecking ball' candidate |
| The full top 10 read as follows: | The full top 10 read as follows: |
| 10. That thing on his head was the gopher in Caddyshack. | 10. That thing on his head was the gopher in Caddyshack. |
| 9. During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name. | 9. During sex, Donald Trump calls out his own name. |
| 8. Donald Trump looks like the guy in the lifeboat with the women and children. | 8. Donald Trump looks like the guy in the lifeboat with the women and children. |
| 7. He wants to build a wall? How about building a wall around that thing on his head? | 7. He wants to build a wall? How about building a wall around that thing on his head? |
| 6. Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for a delusional, bull … Oh, no, wait, that’s me. | 6. Trump walked away from a moderately successful television show for a delusional, bull … Oh, no, wait, that’s me. |
| 5. Donald Trump weighs 240lbs – 250 with cologne. | 5. Donald Trump weighs 240lbs – 250 with cologne. |
| 4. Trump would like all Americans to know that that thing on his head is free-range. | 4. Trump would like all Americans to know that that thing on his head is free-range. |
| 3. (tie) If president, instead of pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving, he plans to evict a family on Thanksgiving. | 3. (tie) If president, instead of pardoning a turkey on Thanksgiving, he plans to evict a family on Thanksgiving. |
| 3. (tie) That’s not a hairdo – it’s a wind advisory. | 3. (tie) That’s not a hairdo – it’s a wind advisory. |
| 2. Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans, he’s starring in a new movie entitled No Amigos (a reference to the 1986 comedy Three Amigos, which starred Short and Martin). | 2. Donald Trump has pissed off so many Mexicans, he’s starring in a new movie entitled No Amigos (a reference to the 1986 comedy Three Amigos, which starred Short and Martin). |
| 1. Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass. | 1. Thanks to Donald Trump, the Republican mascot is also an ass. |