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| England’s women big enough to laugh off FA’s ‘partners and mothers’ tweet | |
| (1 day later) | |
| Poor old Football Association. Why is it that misunderstanding dogs them at every turn? Even a heartwarming official tweet welcoming back England’s women’s World Cup squad this week was “taken out of context”. “Our #Lionesses go back to being mothers, partners and daughters today,” it ran, “but they have taken on another title – heroes.” | Poor old Football Association. Why is it that misunderstanding dogs them at every turn? Even a heartwarming official tweet welcoming back England’s women’s World Cup squad this week was “taken out of context”. “Our #Lionesses go back to being mothers, partners and daughters today,” it ran, “but they have taken on another title – heroes.” |
| I’m afraid I shrieked with laughter when I read this. It’s not my favourite piece of gender-boggling WTF-ery this week: that came courtesy of the senior US administration official who told the Daily Beast: “Behind every successful man is a woman – and Isis is no exception.” Despite having read that multiple times now, I’m still no closer to getting my head round all the angles. | I’m afraid I shrieked with laughter when I read this. It’s not my favourite piece of gender-boggling WTF-ery this week: that came courtesy of the senior US administration official who told the Daily Beast: “Behind every successful man is a woman – and Isis is no exception.” Despite having read that multiple times now, I’m still no closer to getting my head round all the angles. |
| Related: Women’s World Cup: England win nation’s support with World Cup bronze | Related: Women’s World Cup: England win nation’s support with World Cup bronze |
| Anyway, I do hope the FA managed to laugh at themselves too. “The most important thing is to be able to laugh at yourself,” Jeffrey Archer once told Dame Edna Everage. “You’d have to do that,” came the deathless reply, “otherwise you’d be missing the joke of the century.” | Anyway, I do hope the FA managed to laugh at themselves too. “The most important thing is to be able to laugh at yourself,” Jeffrey Archer once told Dame Edna Everage. “You’d have to do that,” came the deathless reply, “otherwise you’d be missing the joke of the century.” |
| Alas, indications are that Wembley’s finest minds have yet to get in on the gag. Following the insta-reaction to that unfortunate tweet, the FA issued an immediate statement asserting that it had been taken “out of context”. Without wishing to provide too much context to that remark, I have to remind the FA that football doesn’t generally believe in context. When the comedian Reginald D Hunter did the Professional Footballers’ Association awards a couple of years ago and peppered his turn with the N-word, he kicked off a race row, with Kick It Out issuing a statement declaring it condemns this sort of thing “irrespective of context”. In the end, though, it’s nice not to have to get too worked up about all this. You can always feel when some sort of seismic rebalancing has happened, and England are there now: that happy point where you’re powerful enough to rise above such twattery. It’s the FA who come off worse, and anyone with whom you’d care to spend any time can see it. | Alas, indications are that Wembley’s finest minds have yet to get in on the gag. Following the insta-reaction to that unfortunate tweet, the FA issued an immediate statement asserting that it had been taken “out of context”. Without wishing to provide too much context to that remark, I have to remind the FA that football doesn’t generally believe in context. When the comedian Reginald D Hunter did the Professional Footballers’ Association awards a couple of years ago and peppered his turn with the N-word, he kicked off a race row, with Kick It Out issuing a statement declaring it condemns this sort of thing “irrespective of context”. In the end, though, it’s nice not to have to get too worked up about all this. You can always feel when some sort of seismic rebalancing has happened, and England are there now: that happy point where you’re powerful enough to rise above such twattery. It’s the FA who come off worse, and anyone with whom you’d care to spend any time can see it. |
| In fact, given how splendidly the sport has kicked on over the past few weeks, can we not now live without this whole Lionesses business? For my tastes, it’s all a bit “Simba’s World Cup”. If Australia wish to field a national side called the Socceroos, then that is a matter for them. But it’s hardly as if we need a female analogue for the so-called Three Lions. | In fact, given how splendidly the sport has kicked on over the past few weeks, can we not now live without this whole Lionesses business? For my tastes, it’s all a bit “Simba’s World Cup”. If Australia wish to field a national side called the Socceroos, then that is a matter for them. But it’s hardly as if we need a female analogue for the so-called Three Lions. |
| Who says “the Three Lions” when they’re talking about England? Honestly: have you ever heard anyone remotely normal refer to “the Three Lions” in conversation unless they were being drippingly sarcastic? It is a classification used by nobody but weedy Nike marketers and prime ministers who dream of Ben Tek popping in the goals for Upton Villa. Indeed, it was once used about the prime minister himself, back when David Cameron, Prince William and David Beckham were judged our best hopes of securing hosting rights to the 2018 World Cup (Bob Hope and No Hope being unavailable). | Who says “the Three Lions” when they’re talking about England? Honestly: have you ever heard anyone remotely normal refer to “the Three Lions” in conversation unless they were being drippingly sarcastic? It is a classification used by nobody but weedy Nike marketers and prime ministers who dream of Ben Tek popping in the goals for Upton Villa. Indeed, it was once used about the prime minister himself, back when David Cameron, Prince William and David Beckham were judged our best hopes of securing hosting rights to the 2018 World Cup (Bob Hope and No Hope being unavailable). |
| The England side’s own achievements and the boosted profile of the game mean they really need no other name than England. Unless the “mothers, partners and daughters” bit was the FA laying the ground for the successor to its most famous coinage: Wags. But no. Even by their malarial standards, the MoPeDs would be a horror too far. | The England side’s own achievements and the boosted profile of the game mean they really need no other name than England. Unless the “mothers, partners and daughters” bit was the FA laying the ground for the successor to its most famous coinage: Wags. But no. Even by their malarial standards, the MoPeDs would be a horror too far. |
| Hayatou feels the heat in Blatter’s shoes | Hayatou feels the heat in Blatter’s shoes |
| On an infinitely more serious note, I find myself plagued with worry for Issa Hayatou, the Confederation of African Football president who appears to have been finessed into the position of de facto Fifa No3. | On an infinitely more serious note, I find myself plagued with worry for Issa Hayatou, the Confederation of African Football president who appears to have been finessed into the position of de facto Fifa No3. |
| As you will know, the women’s World Cup final was not attended by either Fifa’s president, Sepp Blatter, or its secretary general, Jérôme Valcke. Valcke is assumed to be off the idea of international travel for the same reason as Blatter, who declared: “Until everything has been cleared up, I am not going to take the risk of travelling.” | As you will know, the women’s World Cup final was not attended by either Fifa’s president, Sepp Blatter, or its secretary general, Jérôme Valcke. Valcke is assumed to be off the idea of international travel for the same reason as Blatter, who declared: “Until everything has been cleared up, I am not going to take the risk of travelling.” |
| Everything? What, all of it? At this rate, Sepp’s only hope of seeing another country before he goes to the great boardroom in the sky is to steal across the mountains from Switzerland to Austria under cover of night – or, to give the manoeuvre its proper name, to pull a reverse Von Trapp. | Everything? What, all of it? At this rate, Sepp’s only hope of seeing another country before he goes to the great boardroom in the sky is to steal across the mountains from Switzerland to Austria under cover of night – or, to give the manoeuvre its proper name, to pull a reverse Von Trapp. |
| Anyway, all this power-playing appears to have resulted in Hayatou being the most senior figure deputised to travel to Canada for the World Cup final on Sunday. | Anyway, all this power-playing appears to have resulted in Hayatou being the most senior figure deputised to travel to Canada for the World Cup final on Sunday. |
| Given that he was accused of selling his vote for the Qatar World Cup – though has not been accused by US prosecutors – and is already under investigation by the IOC, Issa must be feeling decidedly nervous. | Given that he was accused of selling his vote for the Qatar World Cup – though has not been accused by US prosecutors – and is already under investigation by the IOC, Issa must be feeling decidedly nervous. |
| Could the Fifa No3 role be as perilous as the al-Qaida No3 role traditionally was? That position in the late Osama bin Laden’s organisation was long judged to be dead men’s shoes, what with America’s habit of killing its holders with unsettling frequency. Between 9/11 and 2009, the US took out no fewer than nine al-Qaida No3s. | Could the Fifa No3 role be as perilous as the al-Qaida No3 role traditionally was? That position in the late Osama bin Laden’s organisation was long judged to be dead men’s shoes, what with America’s habit of killing its holders with unsettling frequency. Between 9/11 and 2009, the US took out no fewer than nine al-Qaida No3s. |
| Back in the day, were you a sensible al-Qaida No4 called in for promotion by Ayman al-Zawahiri, the smartest thing to do would have been to claim you were actually really happy making a difference in your current role, and felt you wanted to stay to see through the changes you’d implemented to the training camp curriculum or diversity programme or whatever. | Back in the day, were you a sensible al-Qaida No4 called in for promotion by Ayman al-Zawahiri, the smartest thing to do would have been to claim you were actually really happy making a difference in your current role, and felt you wanted to stay to see through the changes you’d implemented to the training camp curriculum or diversity programme or whatever. |
| Perhaps it was just being roundly booed in the stadium on Sunday which accounted for Hayatou looking decidedly unhappy. Or is the Fifa No3 gig now similarly uncoveted? | Perhaps it was just being roundly booed in the stadium on Sunday which accounted for Hayatou looking decidedly unhappy. Or is the Fifa No3 gig now similarly uncoveted? |