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The secret lives of phone sex workers The secret lives of phone sex workers
(35 minutes later)
In just a few seconds, a few mumbled words, a phone sex operator must try and understand the man or woman on the other end of the line. Who are they, and what do they want?In just a few seconds, a few mumbled words, a phone sex operator must try and understand the man or woman on the other end of the line. Who are they, and what do they want?
Related: Phone sex workers spill our darkest, dirtiest fantasies – in picturesRelated: Phone sex workers spill our darkest, dirtiest fantasies – in pictures
“It’s a contract of mutual self-delusion,” says the British photographer Phil Toledano, who has photographed phone sex operators in their homes, often in the rooms where they work. “The caller imagines he is speaking to his most secret fantasy,” he says. “And the operator willingly plays the part.”“It’s a contract of mutual self-delusion,” says the British photographer Phil Toledano, who has photographed phone sex operators in their homes, often in the rooms where they work. “The caller imagines he is speaking to his most secret fantasy,” he says. “And the operator willingly plays the part.”
Toledano has had to field a lot of questions about how, exactly, he found his subjects. “There’s always the beginnings of a wry smile on their face,” he says. “And no, it isn’t what you think – I didn’t suddenly receive enormous phone bills!”Toledano has had to field a lot of questions about how, exactly, he found his subjects. “There’s always the beginnings of a wry smile on their face,” he says. “And no, it isn’t what you think – I didn’t suddenly receive enormous phone bills!”
His curiosity was piqued when he started seeing tiny adverts hidden away in mainstream, respectable newspapers and magazines. Toledano put an ad on Craigslist and found his first subject.His curiosity was piqued when he started seeing tiny adverts hidden away in mainstream, respectable newspapers and magazines. Toledano put an ad on Craigslist and found his first subject.
From there, he tracked down nearly 30 phone sex operators all over America. He travelled to their homes, interviewed them and took their portraits. The relationship was entirely, and honestly, defined by the operators.From there, he tracked down nearly 30 phone sex operators all over America. He travelled to their homes, interviewed them and took their portraits. The relationship was entirely, and honestly, defined by the operators.
By photographing the real people on the other end of a 900 phone number, Toledano wanted to “peel back the veil, to reveal the expected, and the unexpected, truth of these people”.By photographing the real people on the other end of a 900 phone number, Toledano wanted to “peel back the veil, to reveal the expected, and the unexpected, truth of these people”.
The phone sex operators he found were of varying ages, races, cultural and socio-economic backgrounds and sexual orientations. He photographed a woman who used to work in corporate finance, a former stripper, a woman in a wheelchair who once had to console a man just before he shot himself, and a 60-year-old with a degree in cultural anthropology from Columbia University, a son at home and a marriage of 25 years. They can earn up to $2,000 a week, depending on their experience and their niche.The phone sex operators he found were of varying ages, races, cultural and socio-economic backgrounds and sexual orientations. He photographed a woman who used to work in corporate finance, a former stripper, a woman in a wheelchair who once had to console a man just before he shot himself, and a 60-year-old with a degree in cultural anthropology from Columbia University, a son at home and a marriage of 25 years. They can earn up to $2,000 a week, depending on their experience and their niche.
“I’m Scheherazade,” one operator told Toledano. “If I don’t tell stories that fascinate the pasha, he will kill me in the morning.” Another said: “Why not get paid for talking dirty, instead of doing it for free?”“I’m Scheherazade,” one operator told Toledano. “If I don’t tell stories that fascinate the pasha, he will kill me in the morning.” Another said: “Why not get paid for talking dirty, instead of doing it for free?”
“I was struck by how smart they were,” says Toledano. “To be a good phone sex operator, you have to listen to what people are asking for, then listen to what they’re not asking for but want to ask for. You have to create a believable world, filled with credible characters, in minutes. You have to be both a good actor and have an extraordinary sense of empathy.”“I was struck by how smart they were,” says Toledano. “To be a good phone sex operator, you have to listen to what people are asking for, then listen to what they’re not asking for but want to ask for. You have to create a believable world, filled with credible characters, in minutes. You have to be both a good actor and have an extraordinary sense of empathy.”
We meet in Hamburg, the morning after the launch of his first major retrospective at the German city’s Triennale der Photographie, where PhoneSex is being exhibited for the first time.We meet in Hamburg, the morning after the launch of his first major retrospective at the German city’s Triennale der Photographie, where PhoneSex is being exhibited for the first time.
The series, says Toledano, is actually very personal – he was, at the time, coming to terms with his own relationship to fantasy. Back in 2006, when he embarked on the PhoneSex project, Toledano had never done a photography project in his life. He was working in advertising in New York, with his wife, Carla, just pregnant for the first time, when his mother died aged 79 of a brain aneurysm in London. She had successfully hidden how much Toledano’s father, an American artist 16 years older than her, was struggling with dementia, and Toledano was suddenly thrust into the role of carer.The series, says Toledano, is actually very personal – he was, at the time, coming to terms with his own relationship to fantasy. Back in 2006, when he embarked on the PhoneSex project, Toledano had never done a photography project in his life. He was working in advertising in New York, with his wife, Carla, just pregnant for the first time, when his mother died aged 79 of a brain aneurysm in London. She had successfully hidden how much Toledano’s father, an American artist 16 years older than her, was struggling with dementia, and Toledano was suddenly thrust into the role of carer.
“The strain of caring for him became too much for her,” says Toledano. “She was in the hospital for three days. I switched off the machines.”“The strain of caring for him became too much for her,” says Toledano. “She was in the hospital for three days. I switched off the machines.”
This was not part of the plan, Toledano admits: “He was supposed to die first, and she was going to have a life beyond him.” Instead, he was left with a dying man constantly asking where his wife was. At first, Toledano told the truth. “I tried to tell him that she had died, that we were at her funeral together. He would try and come to terms with it, then he’d break down. Fifteen minutes later, he’d start asking about her again.This was not part of the plan, Toledano admits: “He was supposed to die first, and she was going to have a life beyond him.” Instead, he was left with a dying man constantly asking where his wife was. At first, Toledano told the truth. “I tried to tell him that she had died, that we were at her funeral together. He would try and come to terms with it, then he’d break down. Fifteen minutes later, he’d start asking about her again.
“After a while, I realised I couldn’t keep telling him his wife had died. He didn’t remember, and it was killing both of us to constantly relive her death.”“After a while, I realised I couldn’t keep telling him his wife had died. He didn’t remember, and it was killing both of us to constantly relive her death.”
Toledano started to tell his father that she was in Paris, tending to her sick brother. He found himself creating a richly detailed fantasy, a mutual deception that allowed them to live together. “I realised I had to live a lie,” he says. Toledano started to tell his father that she was in Paris, tending to her sick brother. He found himself creating a richly detailed fantasy, a mutual deception that allowed them to live together in his father’s last days. “I realised I had to live a lie,” he says.
The PhoneSex project took 18 months, and was the first series Toledano made as a professional photographer – a leap he made, he says, because of the deaths of both parents. It made sense to explore the realities behind wilful acts of mutual deception – though, this time, in transactions of sexual fantasy.The PhoneSex project took 18 months, and was the first series Toledano made as a professional photographer – a leap he made, he says, because of the deaths of both parents. It made sense to explore the realities behind wilful acts of mutual deception – though, this time, in transactions of sexual fantasy.
“Phone sex is theatre,” Toledano says. “An artificial passion play in real-time, directed by a skilled verbal fantasist. And almost everyone I met loved what they were doing. They felt they were providing a service, allowing people to understand who they are. Often, in the process, the operators learned about themselves. And, I think, I learned something about myself too.”“Phone sex is theatre,” Toledano says. “An artificial passion play in real-time, directed by a skilled verbal fantasist. And almost everyone I met loved what they were doing. They felt they were providing a service, allowing people to understand who they are. Often, in the process, the operators learned about themselves. And, I think, I learned something about myself too.”