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| What's it like to come out? (If you're not Kristen Stewart) | What's it like to come out? (If you're not Kristen Stewart) |
| (35 minutes later) | |
| Kristen Stewart’s apparent coming out, via an interview her mum gave to Britain’s Sunday Mirror, in which she also revealed how her daughter was raised with wolves, isn’t, perhaps, the typical experience. | Kristen Stewart’s apparent coming out, via an interview her mum gave to Britain’s Sunday Mirror, in which she also revealed how her daughter was raised with wolves, isn’t, perhaps, the typical experience. |
| The Twilight actor is now thought to be dating her personal assistant, Alicia Cargile, after she split in 2012 from actor Robert Pattinson in what may have been the world’s most scrutinised relationship. | The Twilight actor is now thought to be dating her personal assistant, Alicia Cargile, after she split in 2012 from actor Robert Pattinson in what may have been the world’s most scrutinised relationship. |
| According to the paper, Stewart’s mother said: “She’s my daughter, I’m just her mom so she knows I would accept her choices. I’ve met Kristen’s new girlfriend, I like her. What’s not to accept? She’s a lovely girl.” | According to the paper, Stewart’s mother said: “She’s my daughter, I’m just her mom so she knows I would accept her choices. I’ve met Kristen’s new girlfriend, I like her. What’s not to accept? She’s a lovely girl.” |
| We’re not sure how Stewart feels about her mum speaking about her love life to the press, but it’s great that she has support. Good news for us, too, that we’ll have to read less about her “gal pal”. Gal pal. | We’re not sure how Stewart feels about her mum speaking about her love life to the press, but it’s great that she has support. Good news for us, too, that we’ll have to read less about her “gal pal”. Gal pal. |
| It’s been clear for a while that Stewart sees sexuality as fluid – in particular because when asked this exact question by Harper’s Bazaar, she replied: “Absolutely, yes” – but this is the first acknowledgement of her relationship. | It’s been clear for a while that Stewart sees sexuality as fluid – in particular because when asked this exact question by Harper’s Bazaar, she replied: “Absolutely, yes” – but this is the first acknowledgement of her relationship. |
| But what’s coming out like for the rest of us? Well, first of all, we’re coming out all of the time – it’s not usually a one-off event. But here are some of the more usual reactions to that first time. | But what’s coming out like for the rest of us? Well, first of all, we’re coming out all of the time – it’s not usually a one-off event. But here are some of the more usual reactions to that first time. |
| The mourning mother | The mourning mother |
| It’s not that your mum isn’t happy for you; just that she’s devastated for herself. | |
| It’s not that your mum isn’t happy for you; just that she’s devastated for herself. Ignoring the existence of adoption, surrogacy, artificial insemination, or just your choice to not start a family (which you haven’t even thought about yet) this mother weeps for the grandchild she always wanted (and will probably still have). | It’s not that your mum isn’t happy for you; just that she’s devastated for herself. Ignoring the existence of adoption, surrogacy, artificial insemination, or just your choice to not start a family (which you haven’t even thought about yet) this mother weeps for the grandchild she always wanted (and will probably still have). |
| Professing herself content with your life, she quietly signs up for an evening class in Photoshop and learns to blend your baby photos with those of the next door neighbour’s son/daughter, which is the way it was supposed to be. | Professing herself content with your life, she quietly signs up for an evening class in Photoshop and learns to blend your baby photos with those of the next door neighbour’s son/daughter, which is the way it was supposed to be. |
| The typical dad | The typical dad |
| Your dad is cool with this. Like, he honestly doesn’t care. But he’d rather not talk about emotions or sex and that. And look! There’s snooker on the TV. | Your dad is cool with this. Like, he honestly doesn’t care. But he’d rather not talk about emotions or sex and that. And look! There’s snooker on the TV. |
| The parent who’s totally into it | The parent who’s totally into it |
| Your parents are supportive. Very supportive. Too supportive. They tag along to Pride, start cutting out articles featuring gay celebrities and sending them to you, and drop references to Orange is the New Black. | Your parents are supportive. Very supportive. Too supportive. They tag along to Pride, start cutting out articles featuring gay celebrities and sending them to you, and drop references to Orange is the New Black. |
| The hellfire response | The hellfire response |
| Pity the unfortunate mid-south 16-year-old who has to tell his evangelical parents that he layeth with man and, like, is really into it. Cue recitations of Leviticus 18:22, appointments for “corrective therapy” and exorcisms. Don’t believe us on that last bit? Read Jeanette Winterson’s Oranges are Not the Only Fruit. | Pity the unfortunate mid-south 16-year-old who has to tell his evangelical parents that he layeth with man and, like, is really into it. Cue recitations of Leviticus 18:22, appointments for “corrective therapy” and exorcisms. Don’t believe us on that last bit? Read Jeanette Winterson’s Oranges are Not the Only Fruit. |
| How do you have sex? Have you ever had straight sex? | |
| Mr Twenty Questions | Mr Twenty Questions |
| He’s harmless enough, but asks a lot of questions. When did you know? How did you know? Have you always known though? How do you have sex? Have you ever had straight sex? OK, but how do you have sex? What does bear mean? What does U-haul mean? | He’s harmless enough, but asks a lot of questions. When did you know? How did you know? Have you always known though? How do you have sex? Have you ever had straight sex? OK, but how do you have sex? What does bear mean? What does U-haul mean? |
| ‘Yeah, we knew that’ | ‘Yeah, we knew that’ |
| It’s quite often the case that a person will spend months, years, their entire lives struggling with the decision to come out, only to be met with a shrug of indifference and a process of acknowledgement and acceptance that completes somewhere between the lighting of a cigarette and it being crushed underfoot, because literally everybody already knew. | It’s quite often the case that a person will spend months, years, their entire lives struggling with the decision to come out, only to be met with a shrug of indifference and a process of acknowledgement and acceptance that completes somewhere between the lighting of a cigarette and it being crushed underfoot, because literally everybody already knew. |
| This isn’t an experience limited to those that fit gay and lesbian stereotypes – the tomboy girl, or the boy who steals his sister’s Barbies. Ingrid Nilson, a YouTuber famous for makeup tutorials came out in a moving video last week. Her friends told her they already knew, because she was “always staring at girls”. Well, shit. | This isn’t an experience limited to those that fit gay and lesbian stereotypes – the tomboy girl, or the boy who steals his sister’s Barbies. Ingrid Nilson, a YouTuber famous for makeup tutorials came out in a moving video last week. Her friends told her they already knew, because she was “always staring at girls”. Well, shit. |
| The right-on friend | The right-on friend |
| Anybody thought of as a minority – whether people of colour, trans, lesbian, gay, bisexual, people who don’t like Oreos – has probably experienced what it’s like to be the equivalent of politically correct arm-candy. David Oyelowo recently said that he refused to play the “best black friend” character, and the minority friend as cultural cachet is a common trope. See GBFs (gay best friends). But hey, a positive reaction is a positive reaction. | Anybody thought of as a minority – whether people of colour, trans, lesbian, gay, bisexual, people who don’t like Oreos – has probably experienced what it’s like to be the equivalent of politically correct arm-candy. David Oyelowo recently said that he refused to play the “best black friend” character, and the minority friend as cultural cachet is a common trope. See GBFs (gay best friends). But hey, a positive reaction is a positive reaction. |
| The curious friend | The curious friend |
| You come out. A day later you’re approached by a friend who is basically thinking along the same lines, but isn’t sure. Three Apple Sourz later and all these curious buddies have curious tongues. Plus, people slide into your DMs to ask for threesomes. | You come out. A day later you’re approached by a friend who is basically thinking along the same lines, but isn’t sure. Three Apple Sourz later and all these curious buddies have curious tongues. Plus, people slide into your DMs to ask for threesomes. |
| The friend who assumes you fancy them | The friend who assumes you fancy them |
| Honestly: no. (Or, you know, yeah). | Honestly: no. (Or, you know, yeah). |
| The overworked teacher | The overworked teacher |
| Advice for younger people struggling with their sexuality often includes talking to a supportive teacher. But unless this is The Truth About Jane, your teacher is probably horrified by the thought of having to print out reams of LGBT literature in between a ton of marking, putting his/her kids to bed and prep for PTA meetings. Wait, I’m joking – do talk to your teachers. They will most likely be a great help. Or these guys). | Advice for younger people struggling with their sexuality often includes talking to a supportive teacher. But unless this is The Truth About Jane, your teacher is probably horrified by the thought of having to print out reams of LGBT literature in between a ton of marking, putting his/her kids to bed and prep for PTA meetings. Wait, I’m joking – do talk to your teachers. They will most likely be a great help. Or these guys). |
| The BuzzFeed article | The BuzzFeed article |
| Gold-standard coming-out stories feature rainbow-coloured cakes, heartwarming messages, all-singing YouTube videos, all collated into a feel-good listicle for Buzzfeed or Huffington Post. That’s the goal. Because if you come out and it doesn’t go viral, did you really come out at all? | Gold-standard coming-out stories feature rainbow-coloured cakes, heartwarming messages, all-singing YouTube videos, all collated into a feel-good listicle for Buzzfeed or Huffington Post. That’s the goal. Because if you come out and it doesn’t go viral, did you really come out at all? |