Is the Bilderberg group sinister? Only ever so

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jun/14/bilderberberg-group-meeting-sinister

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To unravel the numeric code embedded in the name Bilderberg is to find yourself standing at the gateway to hell. By adding together all of the letters according to their position in the alphabet the chilling number 82 reveals itself. Eight plus two equals 10 which was the Number of the Beast when he was a lad. Later this week in a forbidding schloss in the Austrian village of Telfs-Buchen the money-changers and the self-appointed masters of the universe who form the Bilderberg group will meet. Only bankers, the CEOs of multinationals and western political leaders who have been on their payroll for a minimum of 10 years get to attend.

The group, formed in 1954, covers itself with a patina of respectability by saying that it promotes a better understanding and a spirit of goodwill between Europe and North America. It is held amid the sort of security that would do justice to the Medellín cartel and in the utmost secrecy. And it is where the deals are made that calibrate the fragile ecostructure of the global economy in such a way as to ensure that money will always be able to purchase real power and influence in this world.

There won’t be many black people there simply because the entire African continent is a threat to the western power elites and their paymasters in the global super-firms and so will never be represented. The last thing these CEOs and their political stooges want is a vibrant African economy competing with the west and driving down prices. Good Lord, no.

This year, Ed Balls gets to attend in the role of cloakroom attendant. Alistair Darling, another of the group’s handservants, is believed to have been gutted at not getting the nod this year for his role in preserving the British union (by Jove that was a close one, what!). Perhaps next year, Alistair; perhaps next year.

This year though, the security wall of steel has been breached. An early draft copy of the Bilderberg chairman’s report of the past 12 months has been leaked to the Observer’s Scottish bureau. It is a fell parchment that chilled me to the marrow and I now share it with our readers.

My dear friends,

The past 12-month period has been a fruitful one so far as our activities and stratagems are concerned. Indeed, it couldn’t have gone much better. Our operations in each of the five continents are progressing nicely and both me and Tiddles here are delighted. Everywhere we look there is the unmistakable stamp of Bilderberg efficiency.

Our biggest task of 2014 was to drive down the price of oil so that we could put all those potential fracking billionaires out of business. It’s also reminded that gangster Putin who the real bosses are. For this we have our partners in Saudi Arabia to thank. And in return we have invited them to fill their boots with public executions for a couple of years free from any intervention by us. I trust, Number 3, that the CIA has been told to look the other way?

Here, I must also congratulate Number 2 for the way he has looked after our interests in the UK. Not only did he manage to preserve the UK union and put those Marxist-Leninist Scots nationalists’ gas at a peep, he also delivered Tory rule for another generation, thus preserving the interests of our members in the banking sector. Here we must also commend the work of our special envoy, Tony Blair, and his chum, our very own eminence grise, Mr Mandelson, for their 20 years of covert work on our behalf in successfully destroying the Labour party.

Indeed, Mr Blair is this year’s recipient of the Bilderberg lifetime achievement award. The task we gave him of making the Middle East even more unstable, thus preserving the interests of our members in the arms manufacturing industry, was a difficult one but he managed it with aplomb. He is an example to us all.

In North America, we were gratified to see our efforts to discredit the presidency of the Great Pest, Barack Obama, bear fruit. Here I must congratulate Number 5 and the work of the US security services in their shoot-to-kill policy against black people and subsequent nobbling of American juries. This should keep the fires burning in the ghettos for a while and ensure that the Obama blip is never repeated.

Let’s not, though, become too pleased with ourselves: complacency, as you all know, may be the mother of invention but also of sedition. Thus, I am not best pleased that our hired thugs of Islamic State have been allowed to get out of control. Their purpose of causing the Mediterranean boat people crisis, thus damaging our greatest enemy, the Universal Declaration of Human Rights, has worked a treat. But it is now your job, Number 5, to liquidate them before they destroy the global market in antiquities that has been lucrative for some of our people. Deploy any means necessary or just simply tell them that Mr Blair will pay them a visit. That ought to do the trick.

And can someone jolly well rid me of this troublesome priest, Pope Francis? I’m simply not having him running around trying to reform the Vatican Bank. We have all had cause to use the laundry skills of that bank and, doubtless, will do so again. See to it, Number 6. If you need any advice, seek out Number 5, who will show you how the CIA removed our last little Vatican problem.

Where do you think you’re going, Number 9? I haven’t dealt with you yet. Did you really think I would overlook your avaricious incompetence in the post of Fifa president? We gave you that cushy number to get you out of the way after the messy business with our Swiss bank account and the stolen Van Goghs. You have failed in a job that we considered impossible to fail in. Your greed has led to unwelcome scrutiny of our partners in the Italian construction business. And my prized red-bellied piranhas haven’t eaten today.

Come and feed, my lovelies.