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Black Rod finds various shades of grey on the green benches Black Rod finds various shades of grey on the green benches
(about 1 hour later)
There are some parliamentary procedures so arcane not even the old pros have a clue what is going on. As the main doors of the Commons were theatrically opened to welcome Black Rod, everyone in the chamber automatically stood up. And then quickly sat down again in embarrassment as this was clearly “the wrong thing to do”. Deference dies hard, even on the Labour benches.There are some parliamentary procedures so arcane not even the old pros have a clue what is going on. As the main doors of the Commons were theatrically opened to welcome Black Rod, everyone in the chamber automatically stood up. And then quickly sat down again in embarrassment as this was clearly “the wrong thing to do”. Deference dies hard, even on the Labour benches.
With some order restored, Black Rod summoned the Speaker and MPs over to the Lords to hear yet another message from an absentee queen that sounded almost identical to the one she had emailed yesterday. Harriet Harman held out her hands in a WTF gesture, while David Cameron tried to pretend he knew exactly what was going on before they both reluctantly trooped off side by side. With some order restored, Black Rod summoned the Speaker and MPs over to the Lords to hear yet another message from an absentee queen that sounded almost identical to the one she had emailed on Monday. Harriet Harman held out her hands in a WTF gesture, while David Cameron tried to pretend he knew exactly what was going on before they both reluctantly trooped off side by side.
As on the previous day, most MPs chose to make their excuses and stay where they were. Which wasn’t always precisely where they were meant to be. Once again, the SNP were staking a claim on Labour seats, with four of their new intake sat directly behind Harman. Old-timer Pete Wishart went one better and planted himself on the front bench and resisted all attempts by Labour chief whip, Rosie Winterton, to move him on. Winterton settled for sitting down beside him to make sure he behaved. It’s all relatively good-natured stuff for now; but Labour won’t find it quite so amusing if it carries on when the real business gets underway after next week’s Queen’s Speech. As on the previous day, most MPs chose to make their excuses and stay where they were. Which wasn’t always precisely where they were meant to be. Once again, the SNP were staking a claim on Labour seats, with four of their new intake sitting directly behind Harman. Old-timer Pete Wishart went one better and planted himself on the front bench and resisted all attempts by Labour chief whip, Rosie Winterton, to move him on. Winterton settled for sitting down beside him to make sure he behaved. It’s all relatively good-natured stuff for now; but Labour won’t find it quite so amusing if it carries on when the real business gets under way after next week’s Queen’s speech.
On his return, John Bercow was pleased to let the house know that the Queen couldn’t have been more thrilled about his re-election and then announced the start of the long – and fairly tedious – process of swearing in every MP. A process not due to end till next Tuesday and may go on considerably longer if the speaker maintains his habit of personally conferring his papal blessing on every member. There was no hand that went unheld, often for what felt like a great deal longer that the recipient would have liked. Some hands were deemed so in need of his gracious bestowal that Bercow grasped them in both of his. Just a few ended in a switch to a macho shake. On his return, John Bercow was pleased to let the house know that the Queen couldn’t have been more thrilled about his re-election and then announced the start of the long – and fairly tedious – process of swearing in every MP.
The process is not due to end till next Tuesday and may go on considerably longer if the Speaker maintains his habit of personally conferring his papal blessing on every member. There was no hand that went unheld, often for what felt like a great deal longer that the recipient would have liked. Some hands were deemed so in need of his gracious bestowal that Bercow grasped them in both of his. Just a few ended in a switch to a macho shake.
Michael Gove looked less thrilled than most by this exchange. It was impossible to overhear exactly what words passed between them, though the conversation seemed decidedly one-sided. With Bercow doing all the talking. “Ah, so there you are, you miserable XXXX. Your attempt to get rid of me failed and I can promise I’m going to devote every moment of the next five years to making your job as lord chancellor as tricky as possible. Have a nice life.”Michael Gove looked less thrilled than most by this exchange. It was impossible to overhear exactly what words passed between them, though the conversation seemed decidedly one-sided. With Bercow doing all the talking. “Ah, so there you are, you miserable XXXX. Your attempt to get rid of me failed and I can promise I’m going to devote every moment of the next five years to making your job as lord chancellor as tricky as possible. Have a nice life.”
Bercow was also keen to extend his condolences to Ed Miliband, making his first public appearance since his unplanned holiday to Ibiza. The only way Miliband was able to bring it to an end was to knock over the glass of water by the Speaker’s chair. It looked deliberate, but you never can quite tell with Ed. He could just be very clumsy. A flunky came along with a J-cloth to mop up; it soaked up as much unctuousness as it did water.Bercow was also keen to extend his condolences to Ed Miliband, making his first public appearance since his unplanned holiday to Ibiza. The only way Miliband was able to bring it to an end was to knock over the glass of water by the Speaker’s chair. It looked deliberate, but you never can quite tell with Ed. He could just be very clumsy. A flunky came along with a J-cloth to mop up; it soaked up as much unctuousness as it did water.
Earlier, Miliband had stood in line with Nick Clegg. They had a great deal to catch up on. “So Ed, it all went a bit tits up, didn’t it? Where do you think we went wrong?” “It really did Nick. Though I still can’t help thinking we would have won enough seats to form a coalition if you had also unveiled your very own 8ft 6in NickStone.”Earlier, Miliband had stood in line with Nick Clegg. They had a great deal to catch up on. “So Ed, it all went a bit tits up, didn’t it? Where do you think we went wrong?” “It really did Nick. Though I still can’t help thinking we would have won enough seats to form a coalition if you had also unveiled your very own 8ft 6in NickStone.”
With the cabinet, shadow cabinet and privy councillors – including Alex Salmond on best behaviour – out the way, the queue became progressively grey and greyer. There may be more women elected to parliament than ever before, but grey is still its predominant colour. Grey hair, grey suits. And one suspects, grey minds. The new MPs don’t begin swearing in till tomorrow, so we’ll have to wait to see who the pushiest are. There’s more to play for than you might think. The first in line gets automatic precedence and will be in pole position to be father of the house one day in a distant parliament. Watch this space in 45 years time. With the cabinet, shadow cabinet and privy councillors – including Alex Salmond on best behaviour – out the way, the queue became progressively grey and greyer. There may be more women elected to parliament than ever before, but grey is still its predominant colour. Grey hair, grey suits. And one suspects, grey minds. The new MPs don’t begin swearing in until Thursday, so we will have to wait to see who the pushiest are. There’s more to play for than you might think. The first in line gets automatic precedence and will be in pole position to be father of the house one day in a distant parliament. Watch this space in 45 years time.