The People’s Republic of Brighton and Hove: Britain’s latest breakaway nation
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Version 0 of 1. “I woke up the morning after the election and saw that Brighton and Hove was now just a tiny red and green island in an absolute sea of blue. And I just wanted somewhere to share my grief,” says Jason Smart, on the moment of visceral mourning that led him to declare the independence of the People’s Republic of Brighton and Hove. Nations have been founded on a whim, but the People’s Republic of Brighton and Hove may be the first to be founded as a therapeutic device after an unexpected Tory victory. Last week, while the rest of the England was frenziedly voting Tory, Brighton and Hove dug their heels in, and instead voted in a Green MP (Caroline Lucas, her second term and this time with a majority of 8,000) and a Labour MP (Peter Kyle, taking over a traditionally Tory constituency with a majority of just over 1,000). Smart may have intended the republic as a joke, but as the city, full of environmentalists and lefties, woke up, there was plenty of need for venting of grief and nearly 8,000 people have signed up. There have already been requests for asylum from neighbouring Kemptown, and further north-east, Lewes has requested an invasion and promised to supply the fireworks. The republic already has a flag (although there is, naturally, some dispute about the font), a passport, and a few theoretical policies. Tories, for example, will not be deported, but instead “welcomed – we need to try to understand their mindset and work out how to convert them”. There is also talk of building a tactical alliance with “our natural allies, the Scots. If anyone is likely to recognise our independence, it’s Nicola Sturgeon.” One supporter has suggested an entry questionnaire on “early 90s music, Star Wars, graphic design, skateboards and BMXing and Bobby Gillespie, followed by an appraisal of overall style factor ie beard style, length, tattoo quality and cut of jeans”. Chumbawumba’s Tubthumping is being suggested as a possible anthem, although Bob Marley’s One Love is fighting back. A possible constitution would begin, “We have the right to bare legs”, while aid parcels to surrounding Tory constituencies would include Brighton Gin, coffee, a yoga mat and a seagull relaxation tape. “Now all I need to do is grow a beard,” says Smart, who was a hat-maker before destiny caught up with him. “I’ll spend the afternoon working on that.” |