The Hodor, the Hodor … best and worst Game of Thrones merchandise
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Version 0 of 1. Valar morghulis: all men must buy. There are currently 326 Game of Thrones items available on the HBO website, enough to parcel out a different souvenir from Westeros to almost every single member of the sprawling cast, alive or dead. That’s an awful lot of pseudo-medieval bumf, but unlike some of the third-party products available on sites such as Etsy (home to a lot of GoT-inspired jewellery and amateur leatherwork), the memorabilia on the official store does seem to meet some sort of quality-control threshold. (That’s not to say there aren’t items that seem to be have been commissioned on a whim by Aerys II Targaryen, the lord of the seven kingdoms, and most famous for losing his imperial marbles.) Here’s some of the best and worst GoT gear you can get your hands on if, of course, you’re willing to pay the iron price. (They also do PayPal.) Related: Blood on the living-room table: why I still love the Game of Thrones board game The Iron Throne Getting jaggy with it: the Iron Throne comes billed as a GoT boutique bestseller, and understandably so. Who wouldn’t want a 7in replica of the ultimate symbol of power in Westeros on their desk, looming over their pencil tidy and intimidating that wonky stapler? Also available as a bookend, this weighty investment is essentially your fandom starter pack, because nothing says “I’m really, really into Game of Thrones” like a £50 model of countless Games Workshop-proportioned swords melted and remounted as a chaise prong. Dragon egg winestoppers These actually look rather stylish, though £32 seems rather a lot to splash out merely to prepare the ground for a “vintner is coming” joke at your next dinner party. These winestoppers are also just the thin end of the wedge when it comes to GoT’s strangely dragon-egg-heavy swag: there are also various replica paperweights, cushions and pendants, all based on the distinctively scaled ovoid models used in the actual show, a lasting reminder of those simpler times before Viserian, Rhaegal and Drogon really came out of their shell. Hand of the King wax seal mini kit Evocative, but also practical. Relive the resounding triumphs of past Hands – fortunate souls like, uh, Ned Stark and Tyrion Lannister – by scratching out little passive-aggressive decrees on slips of parchment (included), then fold them into cute little envelopes sealed by a dollop of hot wax bearing the regal imprimatur. It is by no means an incredibly painstaking and finicky process, and would never result in Burnt Fingers of the Hand of the King. Hodor T-Shirt There are plenty of extremely naff GoT shirts available down the backstreets of Amazon Marketplace: slapdash, auto-printed garments with hilarious slogans sun as “Keep Calm And Demand Trial By Combat” or “Sorry Ladies, I’m In The Night Watch”. The official tees are generally classier, recreating the iconography of the various house sigils. But like the big man himself, the official Hodor T-shirt has a bit more personality and warmth. Adding it to your wardrobe this year seems like an appropriate way to show your continued support for Bran Stark’s kind-hearted guardian/mind-controlled neck-snapper while he takes time out during season five. (There’s also a cute Pop! doll of Hodor available but, in all honesty, it looks like Derek Jacobi with a goatee.) Three-eyed raven plush The three-eyed raven was a fairly big deal in GoT’s early running, hopping into the dreams of broken Bran and filling his little head with weird portents. In the transition from screen to plushy toy, you might think this atavistic manifestation of powers beyond the ken of the old gods and the new might have lost some of its metaphorical menace. No way. If anything, the fluffier version is even more terrifying. Unsullied helm For £275 plus shipping, it better be flipping unsullied, mate. |