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| Despite his lifestyle, Tony Blair still has political wisdom to impart | Despite his lifestyle, Tony Blair still has political wisdom to impart |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| Tony Blair really does look quite alarming in the flesh nowadays. Perhaps he keeps buying houses in the hope that he will be able to confine his deep furrows and darting eyes to one of their attics, and restore his visage to the youthful freshness it wore before he made his various pacts. | |
| The former prime minister was in his old Sedgefield constituency to make a speech on Tuesday morning, along with his wife, Cherie. Is it nice to be back? someone asked her outside the hall. “It’s LOVELY,” she intoned. Inside, Tony was similarly misty, declaring: “It’s an enormous pleasure to be back on home turf.” | The former prime minister was in his old Sedgefield constituency to make a speech on Tuesday morning, along with his wife, Cherie. Is it nice to be back? someone asked her outside the hall. “It’s LOVELY,” she intoned. Inside, Tony was similarly misty, declaring: “It’s an enormous pleasure to be back on home turf.” |
| It was Sedgefield where it began all those years ago, he recalled, smiling: “Those were the days when they used to call me Bambi as an insult.” Everybody laughed because, hey, we all saw the movie. And it’s such an unforgettable loss-of-innocence moment, that famous bit where Bambi destabilises the entire Middle Eastern corner of the forest. | It was Sedgefield where it began all those years ago, he recalled, smiling: “Those were the days when they used to call me Bambi as an insult.” Everybody laughed because, hey, we all saw the movie. And it’s such an unforgettable loss-of-innocence moment, that famous bit where Bambi destabilises the entire Middle Eastern corner of the forest. |
| Blair warned that the Tory-promised referendum on European Union membership would bring Chaos (who you’ll recall is one of the horsemen with whom Blair works in the Middle East Quartet). In fairness, his speech was a serious, properly constructed and cogent argument, which – at least in my experience of the campaign so far – feels like a complete rarity. | Blair warned that the Tory-promised referendum on European Union membership would bring Chaos (who you’ll recall is one of the horsemen with whom Blair works in the Middle East Quartet). In fairness, his speech was a serious, properly constructed and cogent argument, which – at least in my experience of the campaign so far – feels like a complete rarity. |
| Unfortunately, there are rather too many people who will feel the message – any message, in fact – is compromised by the choice of messenger. The good news for Blair was that none of them appeared to be in the house on Tuesday. | Unfortunately, there are rather too many people who will feel the message – any message, in fact – is compromised by the choice of messenger. The good news for Blair was that none of them appeared to be in the house on Tuesday. |
| In fact, there is a strong sense at events like these that the audience is not merely heavily screened, but has been kept in a special facility since mid-2001 with no access to the news. Certainly, like so many political happenings this campaign, the gig took place in the sanitised, secured space of an out-of-town business park. There was a greater probability of Blair being joined on stage by Michael Jackson than there was of his being ambushed by the cries of “war criminal” that are the occasional lift music of his new life. | In fact, there is a strong sense at events like these that the audience is not merely heavily screened, but has been kept in a special facility since mid-2001 with no access to the news. Certainly, like so many political happenings this campaign, the gig took place in the sanitised, secured space of an out-of-town business park. There was a greater probability of Blair being joined on stage by Michael Jackson than there was of his being ambushed by the cries of “war criminal” that are the occasional lift music of his new life. |
| “What’s happening here, then?” asked my bemused taxi driver. | “What’s happening here, then?” asked my bemused taxi driver. |
| “Tony Blair’s giving a speech.” | “Tony Blair’s giving a speech.” |
| “That’ll be a nice hundred grand for him, then,” came the tart reply. | “That’ll be a nice hundred grand for him, then,” came the tart reply. |
| Of course, the former prime minister doesn’t charge during an election. And for all his affected wistfulness, he no longer owns property in the area, having sold his constituency home in 2009 in favour of expanding his real estate portfolio elsewhere. Something with a helipad in Sharm el-Sheikh, perhaps. When he brought George W Bush to the constituency in 2003, the US president’s twin black Sikorsky helicopters had to land in a nearby field, before Dubya alighted for the jape of seeing how a British leader lived. | Of course, the former prime minister doesn’t charge during an election. And for all his affected wistfulness, he no longer owns property in the area, having sold his constituency home in 2009 in favour of expanding his real estate portfolio elsewhere. Something with a helipad in Sharm el-Sheikh, perhaps. When he brought George W Bush to the constituency in 2003, the US president’s twin black Sikorsky helicopters had to land in a nearby field, before Dubya alighted for the jape of seeing how a British leader lived. |
| How Blair lives now was kept tactfully off the agenda on Tuesday, though I understand that he and Cherie have just returned from a minibreak in Abu Dhabi. On his jaunts there Blair usually stays at the Emirates Palace hotel, where the lobby features an ATM from which guests can withdraw gold bars. Or as he put it this morning, he agrees “completely” with Ed Miliband “about the central challenge of inequality”. | How Blair lives now was kept tactfully off the agenda on Tuesday, though I understand that he and Cherie have just returned from a minibreak in Abu Dhabi. On his jaunts there Blair usually stays at the Emirates Palace hotel, where the lobby features an ATM from which guests can withdraw gold bars. Or as he put it this morning, he agrees “completely” with Ed Miliband “about the central challenge of inequality”. |
| So Blair may spend his time advising dictators, creating umbrella companies and getting adoring mentions in the secret diary of Rupert Murdoch’s wife. But what he really wants to do is this: offering support to his Sedgefield successor, Phil Wilson, who would probably have to bomb Darlington to lose. | So Blair may spend his time advising dictators, creating umbrella companies and getting adoring mentions in the secret diary of Rupert Murdoch’s wife. But what he really wants to do is this: offering support to his Sedgefield successor, Phil Wilson, who would probably have to bomb Darlington to lose. |
| In a little piece of cosmic satire, though, the Tory candidate, Scott Wood, is a former army tank commander who was sent to Iraq in the immediate aftermath of the 2003 invasion. His job? To search for weapons of mass destruction. Wood was with what was then called the Joint Chemical and Biological Regiment, and is a WMD expert – a bit like Blair once affected to be. | In a little piece of cosmic satire, though, the Tory candidate, Scott Wood, is a former army tank commander who was sent to Iraq in the immediate aftermath of the 2003 invasion. His job? To search for weapons of mass destruction. Wood was with what was then called the Joint Chemical and Biological Regiment, and is a WMD expert – a bit like Blair once affected to be. |
| “We looked for these WMD for about four weeks,” Wood tells me, “then our orders were changed. We were told there weren’t any WMD, and we were sent to guard the oilfields. And eventually we ended up doing humanitarian work.” Well, isn’t that the Iraq war journey right there. | “We looked for these WMD for about four weeks,” Wood tells me, “then our orders were changed. We were told there weren’t any WMD, and we were sent to guard the oilfields. And eventually we ended up doing humanitarian work.” Well, isn’t that the Iraq war journey right there. |
| Wood also served in Afghanistan, looking for small chemical factories and terrorist set-ups. His desire to get into politics was partly motivated by the kit failures on both missions. “In Iraq we used to practise with CS gas, which isn’t harmful, and you could smell it even inside the chemical suits.” Perhaps best you didn’t encounter any WMD, then. “Well yes, I’m quite glad we didn’t find any.” | Wood also served in Afghanistan, looking for small chemical factories and terrorist set-ups. His desire to get into politics was partly motivated by the kit failures on both missions. “In Iraq we used to practise with CS gas, which isn’t harmful, and you could smell it even inside the chemical suits.” Perhaps best you didn’t encounter any WMD, then. “Well yes, I’m quite glad we didn’t find any.” |
| Nobody mentioned that sort of awkwardness on Tuesday morning, luckily, and after a brief visit to a rail manufacturing plant just across the business park, Blair’s extensive security detail whisked him away. His travel arrangements were cloaked in secrecy, though it was difficult to imagine him returning to the lucrative opacities of his day job by rail, or even road. | Nobody mentioned that sort of awkwardness on Tuesday morning, luckily, and after a brief visit to a rail manufacturing plant just across the business park, Blair’s extensive security detail whisked him away. His travel arrangements were cloaked in secrecy, though it was difficult to imagine him returning to the lucrative opacities of his day job by rail, or even road. |
| Perhaps he made his exit via the constituency’s Durham Tees Valley airport, barked through security with his shoes and belt in a grey plastic tray, the fate to which his foreign policy adventures have condemned us plebeian travellers. But no … no. He wears the air of a man who is never going to inch through an airport in his socks, and the sooner we all make our peace with that, the better. | Perhaps he made his exit via the constituency’s Durham Tees Valley airport, barked through security with his shoes and belt in a grey plastic tray, the fate to which his foreign policy adventures have condemned us plebeian travellers. But no … no. He wears the air of a man who is never going to inch through an airport in his socks, and the sooner we all make our peace with that, the better. |