My dad has dementia and my mum wants to leave him

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2015/apr/03/dad-dementia-mum-wants-to-leave-put-him-in-home

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My father was diagnosed six years ago with vascular dementia, but has been at a steady state until recently, when he was put on antidepressants and seemed to decline rapidly. I have convinced my mum to try weaning him off to see if this decline really is a “step” or is due to his medication, but the crisis has led to my mother’s revelation that she wanted to leave him and was planning to, just prior to the diagnosis.

He is now 66 and my mum wants to put him in a home. My brother and I have started to “tag team”, supporting him 95% of the time. My mum pretty much only has to reside in the same house as him, but nothing we propose is OK for her; she sees the negative in everything. Before anyone says she is exhausted by six years of dementia, please understand that it has been very mild up until this point.

My dad worked all kinds of hours all his life to pay for the house and give them some savings, and my mum wants the lot and she wants it now. This is being backed up by my half-sister, who is making up lies about his behaviour. My brother and I want to protect my dad and stop him going into a care home just to appease my mum’s desire to be rid of him. I have enough space where I live, but am a bit of a distance away, and we think that if he moved anywhere other than his home of 30 years he would start to deteriorate.

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