Dear Jeremy – your work issues solved

http://www.theguardian.com/money/2015/mar/28/dear-jeremy-work-issues-solved

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My work is great, but we have the boss from hell who is making us all miserable

I love my job. It’s the next step on my career path, it’s challenging and interesting, I am learning something new every day and I am recognised and esteemed for my smart decisions. At the same time it’s absolute hell – because of my manager.

She is so aggressive that it is difficult for all 22 people in the office. She’s so moody and unpredictable, and it’s frustrating. One day she is great and everything is going well, but then she has a bad week and when she enters the office the temperature drops. When someone walks out of the room she criticises and mocks their work; she often makes me feel guilty for decisions that were in her hands; her directions are often unclear, leaving us to wonder and afraid to ask; at team-buildings she talks behind people’s back; and all the time she is saying how stressed she is and making the team feel bad if they had a work-free weekend. It’s stressful for me too but I can keep my cool because I believe that is the professional thing to do.

The problem is, I believe my CEO loves her for some reason – we’re never asked to give feedback on her work. I have absolutely no idea what to do. Today I couldn’t stop crying after a particularly difficult week. It’s a very demanding job, very high-stress. I love it and yet I feel I can’t continue like for this very long.

Jeremy says

I don’t expect you to feel any sympathy for this deeply unsympathetic manager of yours, but my guess is that she enjoys her working life a great deal less than you. Her mood swings and her sometimes venomous behaviour towards the rest of you are signs of a seriously troubled person. She seems to keep going through sheer force of personality – and this, I suspect, is the secret of her apparent hold over the CEO.

It is extraordinary how a strong-minded person, when prepared to be fiercely, unreasonably confrontational, can cow even a superior into a kind of silent submission. If your CEO is a man, this becomes even more likely. He may be the type who will do almost anything to avoid combative encounters with a resolute woman.

If I am right then the only chance you have of getting him to take any action is by presenting him with an even more daunting prospect than dealing with this manager – and that means a show of solidarity on all your parts. You say that all 22 people in your office suffer at your manager’s hands, so I hope all 22 are prepared to sign what will amount to a petition to the CEO. Any fewer than the full amount will weaken your case.

You must phrase this letter very carefully indeed. You should start by expressing – and genuinely meaning – concern for your manager’s health and wellbeing. There must be nothing personal or vindictive about it. Be utterly factual, but don’t be tempted to go into too much detail as you could easily come across as petty. Emphasise the adverse effect that low morale is having on the quality of the work. Don’t demand any specific action – and don’t threaten mass resignation. Ask politely for a meeting when the CEO has had time to consider his response, say within 10 days. And sign the letter in alphabetical order. You can do no more.

Readers say

• You could try to feed back your concerns to management, but often this backfires a bit – not necessarily out of malice but because HR procedures kick in. If I were you, I’d get another job. When workplaces become toxic you do really have to protect yourself, and best to get out now before you get beaten down any further. AnnabelleB

• One thing I learned over a 40-year career: maintain as a top priority an ejection seat fund of three months’ salary and use it when necessary to maintain control of your career. You’d be surprised how such independence makes you feel, and you are much better at your job. Greatbearlake

• To endure my stressful workplace I found that the more professional I was, the more unprofessional my manager was. It helped me feel more positive and less downtrodden (especially dressing smartly, getting in on time, and meeting all deadlines etc). I tried to avoid all gossiping and moaning about work in the office because it sapped my morale. I also took every opportunity to take meetings etc outside of the office to give myself a break (and for the industry networking opportunities, which led to my current position!). ID2713589

My last two career moves didn’t work out. Will a third job in three years look bad?

My career path in education was pretty stable for about 13 years, but I’ve made a bit of a hash of the past two years after taking two gambles that haven’t really paid off. In 2013 I returned to a previous employer in the City, but found it difficult as there were too many “ghosts” and the relocation was tough (and expensive). After a year I decided to cut my losses and head back home and get on the housing ladder. I was lucky to get a good job at a well-respected company. However, at interview my boss-to-be came across abysmally – he was aloof, inarticulate and uninterested. I almost didn’t accept the position due to my misgivings, but the pull back home was too strong.

Eight months later I want to leave – the company is stagnant, the project itself is totally flawed and the boss is a petty, ego-driven upstart for whom I have no respect. Added to that, I am in a small team of fellow malcontents; we really haven’t gelled, mostly due to the boss’s lack of team management skills.

I recently had an interview for a great job on the other side of the country, but I really don’t want to relocate again and am enjoying being back home. Does it look really bad to be applying for jobs given the past two years with two different employers, and if I stay how do I establish myself in a difficult culture with a difficult boss?

Jeremy says

You say the company is stagnant and the project totally flawed, and you have no respect for your boss. So unless you have good reason to believe he is likely to be replaced by someone with the skills and vision to revitalise the company you should start to plan your exit. Your aim should be to find another, better job without relocating.

There are sure to be some – and you don’t have to grab whatever comes along first. But the longer you stay, the more depressed you will become and the greater the difficulty you will encounter when explaining in interviews your reasons for leaving.

Readers say

• Having got the interview for the “great job”, clearly your CV isn’t critically damaged. However, I would be concerned that you’re looking for the ideal job to slot into. Any new job will require effort and focus on your part. The City job didn’t work out, and then you didn’t get on with your new boss and team of malcontents, even at a well-respected company. You should recognise that you will have to put some effort into integrating into this job and sticking with it. JulesMaigret

• Having changed jobs the way you have during the past few years is no longer unusual, so don’t feel bad about it. Have you ever considered a whole new adventure, a new place, a new experience? Isn’t that what life is about anyway? Bcarey

Do you need advice on a work issue? For Jeremy’s and readers’ help, send a brief email to dear.jeremy@theguardian.com. Please note that he is unable to answer questions of a legal nature or to reply personally.