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| Six foot of solid swagger | Six foot of solid swagger |
| (35 minutes later) | |
| NOT SINCE THE BLACK KNIGHT HAS ANYONE BEEN SO UNWILLING TO ADMIT FAILURE | NOT SINCE THE BLACK KNIGHT HAS ANYONE BEEN SO UNWILLING TO ADMIT FAILURE |
| In Spain, Marca refuse to give Gareth Bale a mark out of 10 because his performance is so poor, saying of him that “Real Madrid paid for a supercar but got a bicycle”; 68% of readers of AS say he should be dropped; and his car gets attacked by his own fans (Bale himself having paid for a supercar and got a supercar, which is just as well; if he’d been on a bicycle he’d have been in real trouble). Yet according to Sam Vokes, his Wales team-mate, there is “no difference in his confidence” and, just to reiterate, “no lack of confidence there”. | In Spain, Marca refuse to give Gareth Bale a mark out of 10 because his performance is so poor, saying of him that “Real Madrid paid for a supercar but got a bicycle”; 68% of readers of AS say he should be dropped; and his car gets attacked by his own fans (Bale himself having paid for a supercar and got a supercar, which is just as well; if he’d been on a bicycle he’d have been in real trouble). Yet according to Sam Vokes, his Wales team-mate, there is “no difference in his confidence” and, just to reiterate, “no lack of confidence there”. |
| It was on his long and painful introduction to the Tottenham team – when none of his first 24 appearances brought victory – that the Welsh wizard’s footballing credentials were last questioned in this cruel manner. And Bale’s response to that run? “It was a bit annoying but it didn’t affect me at all.” Not since Monty Python’s Black Knight has anyone been so unwilling to admit failure. When Bale plays well, his confidence blossoms. When he plays badly, his confidence blossoms anyway. “It happens in football,” Bale said of dips in form after last season’s Big Cup final. “You have days where you just miss a few chances, but the most important thing is that you don’t let it hit your confidence.” | It was on his long and painful introduction to the Tottenham team – when none of his first 24 appearances brought victory – that the Welsh wizard’s footballing credentials were last questioned in this cruel manner. And Bale’s response to that run? “It was a bit annoying but it didn’t affect me at all.” Not since Monty Python’s Black Knight has anyone been so unwilling to admit failure. When Bale plays well, his confidence blossoms. When he plays badly, his confidence blossoms anyway. “It happens in football,” Bale said of dips in form after last season’s Big Cup final. “You have days where you just miss a few chances, but the most important thing is that you don’t let it hit your confidence.” |
| As if it ever would. Bale’s confidence is indestructible. Many centuries from now, when his body has crumbled and turned to dust, Bale’s confidence will continue to roam the globe, optimism undimmed, insisting it’s only a matter of time before his body pulls itself together and he retakes his place in football’s pantheon. Wales could well attempt to qualify for the 2078 World Cup with Bale’s confidence as their lone frontman, ghosting in at the far post (in the most literal sense) and attempting to force the ball into the net through sheer self-belief. Bale, in full physical form, will lead his nation into a vital Euro 2016 qualifier against Group B leaders Israel on Saturday, before packing his confidence up in an outsized designer suitcase and schlepping it back to Madrid, where it may well continue to take a pummelling but will certainly continue not to care about it. | As if it ever would. Bale’s confidence is indestructible. Many centuries from now, when his body has crumbled and turned to dust, Bale’s confidence will continue to roam the globe, optimism undimmed, insisting it’s only a matter of time before his body pulls itself together and he retakes his place in football’s pantheon. Wales could well attempt to qualify for the 2078 World Cup with Bale’s confidence as their lone frontman, ghosting in at the far post (in the most literal sense) and attempting to force the ball into the net through sheer self-belief. Bale, in full physical form, will lead his nation into a vital Euro 2016 qualifier against Group B leaders Israel on Saturday, before packing his confidence up in an outsized designer suitcase and schlepping it back to Madrid, where it may well continue to take a pummelling but will certainly continue not to care about it. |
| “Joining Spurs was the hardest,” Bale said once, looking back over his career so far. “I’d gone from being a 16-year-old at Southampton to moving to Tottenham and playing with the likes of Berbatov and Keane. And I literally didn’t know anybody at Spurs. Then you pick up an injury and it’s hard. Medical people said I might not get back to the level I was at. It dented my confidence and made me go into my shell. But I worked harder and harder in training and tried to get my confidence back up. It takes time, but I got there and the rest is history.” | “Joining Spurs was the hardest,” Bale said once, looking back over his career so far. “I’d gone from being a 16-year-old at Southampton to moving to Tottenham and playing with the likes of Berbatov and Keane. And I literally didn’t know anybody at Spurs. Then you pick up an injury and it’s hard. Medical people said I might not get back to the level I was at. It dented my confidence and made me go into my shell. But I worked harder and harder in training and tried to get my confidence back up. It takes time, but I got there and the rest is history.” |
| Most players work on their free-kicks in training; they might head for the gym in an attempt to build up their quads. Gareth Bale worked on his confidence, as if it were just another part of his biology. And he’s exercised it so often and so furiously that it’s now swollen and solidified, straining against his skin like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bicep. The man is 6ft of solid swagger. “He isn’t going to care what I think about how he’s playing,” says the Wales full-back Neil Taylor of the criticism. “I think he deals with it really well. He knows how good a player he is, it’s as simple as that.” | Most players work on their free-kicks in training; they might head for the gym in an attempt to build up their quads. Gareth Bale worked on his confidence, as if it were just another part of his biology. And he’s exercised it so often and so furiously that it’s now swollen and solidified, straining against his skin like Arnold Schwarzenegger’s bicep. The man is 6ft of solid swagger. “He isn’t going to care what I think about how he’s playing,” says the Wales full-back Neil Taylor of the criticism. “I think he deals with it really well. He knows how good a player he is, it’s as simple as that.” |
| Bale does indeed know how good a player he is, but it’s anything but simple. | Bale does indeed know how good a player he is, but it’s anything but simple. |
| QUOTE OF THE DAY 1 | QUOTE OF THE DAY 1 |
| “If he touched his balls, he has to be punished” – the Spanish FA’s president, Javier Tebas, wants Him to be sanctioned, not only for his ‘calm down’ celebration aimed at Barça fans in the clásico, but for also asking the referee if he liked the look of His knackers. | “If he touched his balls, he has to be punished” – the Spanish FA’s president, Javier Tebas, wants Him to be sanctioned, not only for his ‘calm down’ celebration aimed at Barça fans in the clásico, but for also asking the referee if he liked the look of His knackers. |
| QUOTE OF THE DAY 2 | QUOTE OF THE DAY 2 |
| “I was voted man of the match and my prize was two flights to New York. I never quite made it there, though – I gave the tickets to my sister instead. For me it was pretty much a perfect debut, apart from the fact my mum and dad were not there to see it because I only found out a few hours before kick-off that I was playing and it was impossible for them to get down from Newcastle to Wembley in time … it did not stop me being dropped to the B team for England’s next game, a friendly against Czechoslovakia a month later” – Alan Shearer explains how his ‘perfect’ England debut involved his parents being absent, a prize that was useless and him being dropped in the very next game. | “I was voted man of the match and my prize was two flights to New York. I never quite made it there, though – I gave the tickets to my sister instead. For me it was pretty much a perfect debut, apart from the fact my mum and dad were not there to see it because I only found out a few hours before kick-off that I was playing and it was impossible for them to get down from Newcastle to Wembley in time … it did not stop me being dropped to the B team for England’s next game, a friendly against Czechoslovakia a month later” – Alan Shearer explains how his ‘perfect’ England debut involved his parents being absent, a prize that was useless and him being dropped in the very next game. |
| FIVER LETTERS | FIVER LETTERS |
| “I had very mixed expectations when I read the headline about Dion Dublin’s Dube. When I was at school in west London, back in the day (way, way back), a dube was a slightly more raffish word for a johnny. Or, as I later found out it was called, a condom. So the promise of seeing Dion play it on stage promised much, much more than the video link actually delivered” – Charles Antaki. | “I had very mixed expectations when I read the headline about Dion Dublin’s Dube. When I was at school in west London, back in the day (way, way back), a dube was a slightly more raffish word for a johnny. Or, as I later found out it was called, a condom. So the promise of seeing Dion play it on stage promised much, much more than the video link actually delivered” – Charles Antaki. |
| “You do a great disservice to Dion Dublin. His contribution to the success of Manchester United goes far beyond the number of games he played. If he had not broken his leg then the purse strings would not have been loosened to allow Eric Cantona to come to Old Trafford. Arguably therefore Dion Dublin was United’s greatest ever player” – John Stainton. | “You do a great disservice to Dion Dublin. His contribution to the success of Manchester United goes far beyond the number of games he played. If he had not broken his leg then the purse strings would not have been loosened to allow Eric Cantona to come to Old Trafford. Arguably therefore Dion Dublin was United’s greatest ever player” – John Stainton. |
| “Yesterday’s oenophile correspondents are being a little harsh on Roger Perry. Of course Chablis is made from Chardonnay, (and Champagne is made with Chardonnay, and even Grand Cru red Burgundies can legitimately contain up to 15% Chardonnay) but when people refer to a bottle of wine as a Chardonnay they generally mean something that says Chardonnay in big letters in the middle of the label. It almost certainly won’t be French (as they don’t really allow that), and will quite likely be overpoweringly oaked. It may make a reasonable companion for bigger-flavoured fish like salmon or tuna. Or a fish pie. Not turbot” – Steve Allen. | “Yesterday’s oenophile correspondents are being a little harsh on Roger Perry. Of course Chablis is made from Chardonnay, (and Champagne is made with Chardonnay, and even Grand Cru red Burgundies can legitimately contain up to 15% Chardonnay) but when people refer to a bottle of wine as a Chardonnay they generally mean something that says Chardonnay in big letters in the middle of the label. It almost certainly won’t be French (as they don’t really allow that), and will quite likely be overpoweringly oaked. It may make a reasonable companion for bigger-flavoured fish like salmon or tuna. Or a fish pie. Not turbot” – Steve Allen. |
| “Presumably ‘to fart higher than your ass’ (Fiver passim) implies arrogance because you are the sort of person who gets to ride on a donkey rather than walk beside it. Which is a colourful translation of ‘péter plus haut que son cul’, but a more accurate one would use the first four letters of the club that Giroud plays for to mean ‘cul’” – Robin Hazlehurst. | “Presumably ‘to fart higher than your ass’ (Fiver passim) implies arrogance because you are the sort of person who gets to ride on a donkey rather than walk beside it. Which is a colourful translation of ‘péter plus haut que son cul’, but a more accurate one would use the first four letters of the club that Giroud plays for to mean ‘cul’” – Robin Hazlehurst. |
| “Three letters about wines derived from the Chardonnay grape and one on French idioms? Good to see that Big Paper readership doesn’t conform to predictable upper-middle class intellectual stereotypes, eh?” – Roddy Cordeiro. | “Three letters about wines derived from the Chardonnay grape and one on French idioms? Good to see that Big Paper readership doesn’t conform to predictable upper-middle class intellectual stereotypes, eh?” – Roddy Cordeiro. |
| • Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Charles Antaki. | • Send your letters to the.boss@theguardian.com. And if you’ve nothing better to do you can also tweet the Fiver. Today’s winner of our prizeless letter o’the day is: Charles Antaki. |
| JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES | JOIN GUARDIAN SOULMATES |
| Chances are that if you’re reading this tea-timely football email, you’re almost certainly single. But fear not – if you’d like to find companionship or love, sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly folk who would never normally dream of going out with you. And don’t forget, it’s not the rejection that kills you, it’s the hope. | Chances are that if you’re reading this tea-timely football email, you’re almost certainly single. But fear not – if you’d like to find companionship or love, sign up here to view profiles of the kind of erudite, sociable and friendly folk who would never normally dream of going out with you. And don’t forget, it’s not the rejection that kills you, it’s the hope. |
| BITS AND BOBS | BITS AND BOBS |
| Hats off to West Brom, who will wear a replica 1968 FA Cup kit in tribute to Jeff Astle, whose family will launch a foundation in his name, when they play Leicester on 11 April. | Hats off to West Brom, who will wear a replica 1968 FA Cup kit in tribute to Jeff Astle, whose family will launch a foundation in his name, when they play Leicester on 11 April. |
| Wayne Rooney wants more Mr Roy as England manager. “He’s been fantastic for me and the team,” honked the striker. | |
| Alarms sounded at half-a-dozen Premier League clubs as Sami Khedira announced that he would be doing one when his Real Madrid contract runs out in the summer. “I want to start a new stage in my career and continue to grow,” honked the hungry midfielder. | Alarms sounded at half-a-dozen Premier League clubs as Sami Khedira announced that he would be doing one when his Real Madrid contract runs out in the summer. “I want to start a new stage in my career and continue to grow,” honked the hungry midfielder. |
| Theo Walcott has shown he is perhaps quicker off the pitch than he is on it these days in a bullish denial of a rift with Arsène Wenger over a new Arsenal contract. “Demands and bust-ups with the boss are complete nonsense,” fumed some words on the forward’s Twitter feed. | Theo Walcott has shown he is perhaps quicker off the pitch than he is on it these days in a bullish denial of a rift with Arsène Wenger over a new Arsenal contract. “Demands and bust-ups with the boss are complete nonsense,” fumed some words on the forward’s Twitter feed. |
| And Morgan Schneiderlin clearly doesn’t like EastEnders, Holby City and not playing in Big Cup. “I don’t want to be in front of the TV on Tuesday and Wednesday,” sniffed the Southampton midfielder while scrolling his mobile for the number of his Mr 15%. | And Morgan Schneiderlin clearly doesn’t like EastEnders, Holby City and not playing in Big Cup. “I don’t want to be in front of the TV on Tuesday and Wednesday,” sniffed the Southampton midfielder while scrolling his mobile for the number of his Mr 15%. |
| RECOMMENDED LISTENING | RECOMMENDED LISTENING |
| Listen to Football Weekly extraaaaaa NOW! Listen to Football Weekly extraaaaaa NOW! Listen to Football Weekly extraaaaaa NOW! And if you haven’t already snapped up a ticket to the live show in London tomorrow then, go on, what are you waiting for? | Listen to Football Weekly extraaaaaa NOW! Listen to Football Weekly extraaaaaa NOW! Listen to Football Weekly extraaaaaa NOW! And if you haven’t already snapped up a ticket to the live show in London tomorrow then, go on, what are you waiting for? |
| Ah, you were waiting for this link to a competition to win a ticket so you don’t have to bother your wallet for spare change. | Ah, you were waiting for this link to a competition to win a ticket so you don’t have to bother your wallet for spare change. |
| STILL WANT MORE? | STILL WANT MORE? |
| Tor-Kristian Karlsen chooses 12 players under the age of 23 to watch in this weekend’s internationals so that you can look weird down the pub when you comment on Rafael Borré’s questionable temperament. | Tor-Kristian Karlsen chooses 12 players under the age of 23 to watch in this weekend’s internationals so that you can look weird down the pub when you comment on Rafael Borré’s questionable temperament. |
| Can Gerardo Martino end Argentina’s cup drought with Copa América glory? The Fiver hasn’t the foggiest. Thankfully floating football brain in a box Jonathan Wilson dusted this blog off on the subject. | Can Gerardo Martino end Argentina’s cup drought with Copa América glory? The Fiver hasn’t the foggiest. Thankfully floating football brain in a box Jonathan Wilson dusted this blog off on the subject. |
| John Ashdown was unhappy that so many people scored highly in his ‘guess the career quiz’, so he’s made another one, but it’s 10 times as difficult … unless you’re Jacob Steinberg, who got 20 out of 20 because his brain is 99% football trivia. | John Ashdown was unhappy that so many people scored highly in his ‘guess the career quiz’, so he’s made another one, but it’s 10 times as difficult … unless you’re Jacob Steinberg, who got 20 out of 20 because his brain is 99% football trivia. |
| Lithuania’s Simonas Stankevicius tells Stuart James that ‘Beep! Beep! Beep!’ is not a sound you’ll be hearing at Wembley tomorrow night, because his team will not be parking the blummin’ bus. | Lithuania’s Simonas Stankevicius tells Stuart James that ‘Beep! Beep! Beep!’ is not a sound you’ll be hearing at Wembley tomorrow night, because his team will not be parking the blummin’ bus. |
| Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. | Oh, and if it’s your thing … you can follow Big Website on Big Social FaceSpace. |
| SIGN UP TO THE FIVER | SIGN UP TO THE FIVER |
| Want your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? Click here to sign up. | Want your very own copy of our free tea-timely(ish) email sent direct to your inbox? Has your regular copy stopped arriving? Click here to sign up. |
| THE PERILS OF PLATFORM-SHARING | THE PERILS OF PLATFORM-SHARING |
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