Homes Under the Hammer: brilliant daytime TV – with added Dion Dublin
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Version 0 of 1. Daytime telly rarely offers cause for celebration, but there’s one golden hour in the schedule to make even the most hardened workaholic grateful for a duvet day: Homes Under the Hammer. Property porn this is not. The premise is simple: charismatic presenters Lucy Alexander and Martin Roberts look round a battered old house going up for auction, stalk the buyer and then return months later to see if they’ve given it a makeover and bagged shedloads of profit. Related: Dion Dublin named as new presenter for BBC’s Homes Under the Hammer It’s a winning formula that’s been delighting viewers for 12 years and it’s about to be enhanced with a new presenter, ex-footballer Dion Dublin. The man’s so talented he’s the creator of The Dube. Kirstie Allsopp might have a neat line in homemade wreaths crafted from the milk teeth of her first born, but has she ever invented a musical instrument? No, she has not. A new presenter is a bonus, but Homes Under the Hammer is a show that needs no renovations because it’s already perfect daytime TV. Here’s why … Like a pushy estate agent, it never leaves Switch on BBC1 at 10am any weekday and Homes is there. Thinking about what to do on your rare day off? Stop. Flick the telly on. Even the repeats bring new joy, with the Guess The Year game: “Hang on, I can afford to buy that house: it must be one from 2005!” It’s fuelled by property puns You’re a policeman? This house is an arresting sight. A plumber? You’ll be hoping your money doesn’t go down the drain. A personal trainer? This is one flat that’s going to stretch your earning potential. Every house has its song Literal music rules in Hammerland. The basics stay the same: a burst of Shakin’ Stevens’ This Ole House for a wreck or another quid in the royalty bank for Reel To Real’s 90s anthem Jazz It Up if it just needs a lick of paint. But for a bigger project? Bring on Orange Juice’s Rip It Up And Start Again or Walls Come Tumbling Down by The Style Council. Of course, if a pair of sisters are investing in their first flat it’s time to crank up Sister Sledge’s We Are Family. Occasionally, there’s a curveball, like Wu-Tang Clan’s Gravel Pit if the drive’s had a makeover. You can’t beat the thrill of the auction Get out that bongo-based music, speed it up and flip from one bidder to the next: this is high drama before you’ve even finished your tea and toast. Lucy, mid-morning’s answer to Sarah Beeny Gravelly of voice and stylish of coat, Lucy Alexander is everything a woman should be. There’s no need for a Phil and Kirstie chalk-and-cheese dynamic in Homes, for Lucy and Martin work in perfect harmony. As they walk into houses that should be condemned, they fizz with enthusiasm, whether it’s warranted or not. Hell, the casual observer would be mistaken for thinking they bunk up in the cupboard under the stairs in between takes. The ever-reliable estate agents Is it really a toned-down version of NWA’s Express Yourself that heralds the arrival of these besuited beasts? Flat, house or shed, they’ll call it a “property”. The rent comes in “per calendar month”. And the market in that area is always strong, like their fragrance. But the buyers are modest While Location, Location, Location showcases a load of annoying first-time buyers who are sick in a wheelie bin if they have to look at a house in Catford, Homes shows a more pragmatic and likeable breed. They get stuck in and do DIY, they make you root for them and, when they get told their house has earned more in six months than they could in a lifetime, they just giggle in disbelief. No one ever does anything fancy Grand Designs is all very well, but what you really want to see is someone who has been down to Wickes to pick up a new sink and then boxed it in with their bare hands. Why bother with underfloor heating when lino and a gas fire does the job? Homes peddles a DIY dream that’s within reach, even if you’re useless with a drill. Long may it reign! |