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| NRL: what to look out for in round four | NRL: what to look out for in round four |
| (about 7 hours later) | |
| And so to round four of this typically kooky National Rugby League and in typically kooky national rugby league fashion, spoon-tip Newcastle Knights are undefeated, predicted-premiers North Queensland Cowboys are all-defeated, and the video referees have defeated most if not all arguments that there should be video referees. And yet the rugby league, bless it, rolls on in typically entertaining fashion, on and off the park. And there’s another hot batch of hot footy action looming large this weekend. | And so to round four of this typically kooky National Rugby League and in typically kooky national rugby league fashion, spoon-tip Newcastle Knights are undefeated, predicted-premiers North Queensland Cowboys are all-defeated, and the video referees have defeated most if not all arguments that there should be video referees. And yet the rugby league, bless it, rolls on in typically entertaining fashion, on and off the park. And there’s another hot batch of hot footy action looming large this weekend. |
| Souths head west | Souths head west |
| First up and the juggernaut Bunnies take on the relatively effete Eels at Parramatta’s Pirtek Stadium on Friday night, and Pirtek is ready to rumble. Pirtek? Dunno. Possible they make spanners. Could be anything. Does it matter? Who knows? Penrith named their stadium after pepper, called it Pepper Stadium, like the marketing team had a meeting over lunch and called the stadium after the first thing they saw. Could’ve been fish-of-the-day stadium or cheeky sauvignon blanc stadium. But it’s not, it’s Pepper Stadium. And it’s silly. And happening all over. The Cowboys stadium is named after a chain of cosmetic dentists. Canberra’s stadium was once called Canberra Stadium, which was handy for people wondering where it is. Mind you it used to be called Bruce. True story. You’d ask, “Where are the Raiders playing this weekend?” And the reply would be, simply: “Bruce”. So they called it Canberra Stadium instead, and now it’s GIO Stadium, the naming rights and very soul of the great chunk of concrete and poles and Mal Meninga’s blood sold to a mob representing that super industry, the insurance industry. Granted, this has little to do with the Rabbitohs versus the Eels at the spanner mob’s joint on Friday night, but Souths are going to win that by 30 so let’s wrap this puppy up and discuss… | First up and the juggernaut Bunnies take on the relatively effete Eels at Parramatta’s Pirtek Stadium on Friday night, and Pirtek is ready to rumble. Pirtek? Dunno. Possible they make spanners. Could be anything. Does it matter? Who knows? Penrith named their stadium after pepper, called it Pepper Stadium, like the marketing team had a meeting over lunch and called the stadium after the first thing they saw. Could’ve been fish-of-the-day stadium or cheeky sauvignon blanc stadium. But it’s not, it’s Pepper Stadium. And it’s silly. And happening all over. The Cowboys stadium is named after a chain of cosmetic dentists. Canberra’s stadium was once called Canberra Stadium, which was handy for people wondering where it is. Mind you it used to be called Bruce. True story. You’d ask, “Where are the Raiders playing this weekend?” And the reply would be, simply: “Bruce”. So they called it Canberra Stadium instead, and now it’s GIO Stadium, the naming rights and very soul of the great chunk of concrete and poles and Mal Meninga’s blood sold to a mob representing that super industry, the insurance industry. Granted, this has little to do with the Rabbitohs versus the Eels at the spanner mob’s joint on Friday night, but Souths are going to win that by 30 so let’s wrap this puppy up and discuss… |
| Two games on a Friday night? | Two games on a Friday night? |
| Not only that, but four Sydney teams? On at the same time? One assumes it makes sense to Channel Nine, the mob who tell people where games are going to be on and when. And thus the Bulldogs and Tigers will bash heads at mighty ANZ Stadium, the one they called Olympic Stadium, but let’s not go there. Rather, know this: the Dogs will win. And that is all. Take it to the bank via Bill Hill right now, people, and say to those bookmaking devils, the Dogs will win, here’s the title deeds to my house, I offer them almost like a hostage in return for your money. Or you could just have $20 on the Dogs 13+ and turn it into $40. Because the Dogs will win. Look at them. Chunky-fast centre man Timoteo Lafai? Tick. Improving and talented pivot man Moses “The Yabby” Mbye? Tick. Super-fast Morris twins? Tick-tick. In the aptly-named “Pigs” one might bash heads with James Graham, Aiden Tolman, Tony Williams and Greg Eastwood. When they get tired the Dogs swap them for Sam Kasiano, Frank Pritchard, Frankenstein’s monster David Klemmer and the new Wayne Pearce, Josh Jackson. The Tigers, meanwhile, have a winger called Delouise Hoeter, a 19-year-old of Tongan-German descent, there could not be many. And the Tigers won’t score many. And that is all. | Not only that, but four Sydney teams? On at the same time? One assumes it makes sense to Channel Nine, the mob who tell people where games are going to be on and when. And thus the Bulldogs and Tigers will bash heads at mighty ANZ Stadium, the one they called Olympic Stadium, but let’s not go there. Rather, know this: the Dogs will win. And that is all. Take it to the bank via Bill Hill right now, people, and say to those bookmaking devils, the Dogs will win, here’s the title deeds to my house, I offer them almost like a hostage in return for your money. Or you could just have $20 on the Dogs 13+ and turn it into $40. Because the Dogs will win. Look at them. Chunky-fast centre man Timoteo Lafai? Tick. Improving and talented pivot man Moses “The Yabby” Mbye? Tick. Super-fast Morris twins? Tick-tick. In the aptly-named “Pigs” one might bash heads with James Graham, Aiden Tolman, Tony Williams and Greg Eastwood. When they get tired the Dogs swap them for Sam Kasiano, Frank Pritchard, Frankenstein’s monster David Klemmer and the new Wayne Pearce, Josh Jackson. The Tigers, meanwhile, have a winger called Delouise Hoeter, a 19-year-old of Tongan-German descent, there could not be many. And the Tigers won’t score many. And that is all. |
| Panthers, Knights and flying horses | Panthers, Knights and flying horses |
| Three games on Super Saturday, as they say, with match-of-the-day Knights and Panthers at 3pm (AEDT) at Hunter Stadium. In typical Newcastle fashion the Knights will rely on old hard-heads and warriors David Fa’alogo, Beau Scott, Kade Snowden and Jeremy Smith to cart the ball into the meat of the Panthers pack and savage them in defence. Penrith’s pack probably cancels them out, however. As do the halves. Jarrod Mullen and Tyrone Roberts are about as good as Peter Wallace and Isaac John (in for injured Jamie Soward). So, a tip? Panthers. Their full-back Matt Moylan will likely play State of Origin, their wingers Josh Mansour and Dallin Watene Zelezniak will one day, and Jamal Idris will soar for kicks like a mighty Clydesdale granted the gift of flight. And the Panthers bench is better than Newcastle’s. Knights fans will turn up in abundance; it’s what Knights fans do. But the streak? It’s over. Over like the hundred years war. | |
| Ripper Roosters-Raiders | Ripper Roosters-Raiders |
| Sunday afternoon and the Roosters play Canberra at Allianz Stadium which is in italics because it’s pronounced like they would in French, like you’re a member of the French resistance, with all the emphases of the word in places Australians wouldn’t normally place them. Australians would pronounce it like alliance stadium, with the middle “i” the long major vowel. But now they don’t because it’s called Allianz like you’re a member of the French resistance, and the third syllable rolls into the “z” like you’re Henri Leconte ordering a cheese-and-ham croissant. The game? Know what – hear me out – this could be a ripper. The Raiders looked good last week against the Dragons for about 30 minutes. Then they were bad. And they will have felt the dragon’s breath of Coach Stuart, a man they like and respect, and now whom they feel they’ve personally slighted, even insutled. Canberra will be a lot better on Sunday, despite everyone saying they’re hopeless. This National Rugby League, teams that play really badly one week quite often front up and improve. If they were race horses the stewards would swab them, and roughly. But they are not they are but men, and men are skittish, and their brains are wired to respect the chief. None of this means that Canberra will still“win” of course. But they’ll bring it to the Roosters for long minutes, and hard. And it could be really good. Not as good as the cricket World Cup final that will be going on concurrently. But you’d certainly have the game on mute if you were a two-TV sports watching man. | Sunday afternoon and the Roosters play Canberra at Allianz Stadium which is in italics because it’s pronounced like they would in French, like you’re a member of the French resistance, with all the emphases of the word in places Australians wouldn’t normally place them. Australians would pronounce it like alliance stadium, with the middle “i” the long major vowel. But now they don’t because it’s called Allianz like you’re a member of the French resistance, and the third syllable rolls into the “z” like you’re Henri Leconte ordering a cheese-and-ham croissant. The game? Know what – hear me out – this could be a ripper. The Raiders looked good last week against the Dragons for about 30 minutes. Then they were bad. And they will have felt the dragon’s breath of Coach Stuart, a man they like and respect, and now whom they feel they’ve personally slighted, even insutled. Canberra will be a lot better on Sunday, despite everyone saying they’re hopeless. This National Rugby League, teams that play really badly one week quite often front up and improve. If they were race horses the stewards would swab them, and roughly. But they are not they are but men, and men are skittish, and their brains are wired to respect the chief. None of this means that Canberra will still“win” of course. But they’ll bring it to the Roosters for long minutes, and hard. And it could be really good. Not as good as the cricket World Cup final that will be going on concurrently. But you’d certainly have the game on mute if you were a two-TV sports watching man. |
| The match of the round? | The match of the round? |
| It’s probably the Cowboys and Storm on Monday night in Townsville. The Cows are desperate. And desperate Cows are dangerous Cows. And the Storm have really good players. And it should be good. As should the Warriors and Broncos at Mount Smart at 2pm (NZDT), which will be broadcast on all the televisions of all New Zealand as people gather to watch their Black Caps contest the Cricket World Cup final. Bookies can’t split them, but I can. And this is all Brisbane. It’s not all Brisbane. But it’s mostly Brisbane. Yes, the Warriors have talent. The Warriors always have talent. But the Broncos have talent, too, and experienced, excellent, hard-men. Justin Hodges in the centres, Corey Parker at lock and Sam Thaiday on the bench. You like Shaun Johnson, love Shaun Johnson. Love “The Beast” Manu Vatuvei. And Ryan Hoffman is more ornament to rugby league than man. But the Broncos have the better rugby league team, and they’re coached by Yoda, and will win this round four fixture of our National Rugby League. | It’s probably the Cowboys and Storm on Monday night in Townsville. The Cows are desperate. And desperate Cows are dangerous Cows. And the Storm have really good players. And it should be good. As should the Warriors and Broncos at Mount Smart at 2pm (NZDT), which will be broadcast on all the televisions of all New Zealand as people gather to watch their Black Caps contest the Cricket World Cup final. Bookies can’t split them, but I can. And this is all Brisbane. It’s not all Brisbane. But it’s mostly Brisbane. Yes, the Warriors have talent. The Warriors always have talent. But the Broncos have talent, too, and experienced, excellent, hard-men. Justin Hodges in the centres, Corey Parker at lock and Sam Thaiday on the bench. You like Shaun Johnson, love Shaun Johnson. Love “The Beast” Manu Vatuvei. And Ryan Hoffman is more ornament to rugby league than man. But the Broncos have the better rugby league team, and they’re coached by Yoda, and will win this round four fixture of our National Rugby League. |
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