Eva, can you critique my dating profile? Why yes, of course
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Version 0 of 1. Hey, you (all): this week, a few brave souls have shared their dating profile for advice about what they’re doing right, and what they could do righter. One thing that stood out about this process: many people who sent in profiles turned down the chance to have them published because they feared it would be embarrassing. This didn’t surprise me, but it’s a bit of a shame, isn’t it? With more than a third of US marriages starting online, looking for love on the web is normal and nothing to be bashful about; wanting love and companionship is natural and human. Anyone who makes you feel bad about increasing your odds of meeting someone nice through casting a wide net online is lame. No: super lame. Anyway. Onward! Profile one: man, early 40s You kind of are doing it wrong. Tinder gives you limited real estate to make a case for yourself as a potential suitor. Your photo shows a handsome man, but joking about bare-chested tiger-stroking photos is now a joke almost as old as joking about bathroom selfies. I’m not saying you have to be earnest. Insouciant is good! But original is important. If you want to meet some women who are interesting and interested in you, be bold enough to add a real sentence about yourself. Profile two: woman, late 20s You describe yourself as a passionate person and list a wide range of interests, but you don’t sound that passionate. Hey, I can understand why – internet dating tends to evoke exhaustion rather than passion, until you hit on the right person – but as every creative writing professor says, you need to show, not tell. Add in some specifics which will help to differentiate you from all the other people who enjoy doing nice things. You say you have a tendency to go on spontaneous trips – where was the last destination? You say you like to binge-watch plays – which have you seen back-to-back? It might even make you feel confident enough to cut out the disclaimer about the kind of messages that you won’t entertain – trust me, this is a surefire way to make people pass. No one likes to be scolded. Profile one: man, late 20s This starts off so well: you make it clear that you’re interested in a lot of different things, that you’re smart, that you keep in good shape, and you clearly have very high self-esteem – even about your crochet skills. Until the end of your profile. Look, no one wants to be the first person to send a stranger a message, because that means volunteering for rejection, doesn’t it? Of course it’s up to you to make the first step, and you’re free to choose not to. But announcing that you’re not going to do it makes you sound less friendly and open than I think you mean to be. Reciprocity is important in all kinds of circumstances: who wants to do something nice for someone who states outright that they’d never initiate it? Not me! You mention that you like to be “dominant in the bedroom”; don’t hesitate to be assertive here, too. PS: There’s a woman out there for you who likes fart jokes, but that might be something you discover over time rather than before the first date. |