I am 66 and live a comfortable life: I just want a woman who is honest and clean
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Version 0 of 1. The dilemma I am 66 years old and have never been married. I have had a bunch of girlfriends, lovers, etc, but when it came to marriage, I have never found that one who would fit the bill. I am not very demanding, I just want someone who is honest and clean, someone who is not a whore, who can hold up her face in public. I am not rich, but I live a very comfortable life. My family and I own a 600-acre citrus farm in Central America. My family consists of my 89-year-old mother, my sister and my brother. It is I who developed that farm and I would love to go and live there – with the right woman! Mariella replies That’s quite a crowd! I’m sure your family are a lovely bunch, but have you ever considered the possibility that sharing an isolated farm with them isn’t the most compelling of propositions? I’m answering you seriously, although I suspect many of my readers may think your letter is simply a hoax. The climate for wife-seeking has changed considerably. But perhaps social change has been slow to filter through to you. The scenario you paint is not enhanced by the presence, in your proffered love nest, of not one but two septuagenarian siblings who have yet to leave home. It’s not a love nest for two you’re presenting on a plate, but a rural retirement home. Only aspiring masochists would volunteer themselves willingly for such a fate, yet I don’t see a predilection for self-harm featuring on your shopping list for Mrs Right. Could that be why you’ve developed an aversion to “whores”, as you so pleasantly refer to the ladies you don’t consider marriage material? The money would certainly make this package more appealing. If you give the matter serious thought you might end up where I’ve arrived – a mental full stop, where I’m wondering if even hard currency would encourage a woman to take you up on your generously meant but ill-considered offer. It’s not just the fate you outline but the fact that you can’t see how little scope you offer for partners with a modicum of their own personality. It’s unlikely you’re going to meet a spinster in her 60s with so infertile a life that she’d be glad to ditch it for yours. Perhaps you’re hoping for a younger spouse, in which case your fears of being used for your material wealth may be better founded. Why else would a free-thinking young woman hitch a ride on your wagon? I’m sorry to be blunt, but you are deluded if you consider yourself undemanding. You describe what you have to offer without a second thought as to whether any woman you meet might have a life of her own. It does explain to some extent why a life partner has so far eluded you. Adults with lives they’re eager to shed are few and far between and not generally the most sought after of lovers. I’m afraid yours is really one of the last-surviving relics of the age of patriarchy, this notion that women are simply seeking a man’s life to fall alongside. In this day and age you’re more likely to find a woman who’ll tolerate you coming along for the ride, rather than eager to ride pillion. You describe your dream lover in rather clinical terms: “honest” and “clean”. That may leave your catchment area wide open, but it doesn’t offer much room for romance. I’m sure the citrus farm is fabulous, but it’s a busy venue with all those family members shacked up in it. If you’re serious about wanting a partner I’d suggest abandoning your criteria and stepping into the realms of chance and surprise. Just like farming, women can be unpredictable, so finding and sustaining a relationship will require you to be adaptable and open to possibilities you’ve not yet encountered or left unconsidered. Your pejorative descriptions of what you don’t want suggest a set agenda. And that leaves you a limited menu to choose from. You’re still young enough to enjoy adventure, excitement and romance. I’d be tempted to drop your terms, leave retiring to the citrus farm as a possibility rather than a deal breaker, and see what lies over your previously limited horizon. If you have a dilemma, send a brief email to mariella.frostrup@observer.co.uk. Follow Mariella on Twitter @mariellaf1 Follow the Observer Magazine on Twitter @ObsMagazine |