Jon Stewart's replacement should be a woman. It's time.
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Version 0 of 1. Tuesday’s announcement that Jon Stewart is leaving The Daily Show sent media and fans into deep mourning – and, predictably, there was a near-immediate frenzy of speculation over his replacement. While it’s not clear that Stewart or the network has anyone in particular mind to take the anchor desk at TDS, it seems completely obvious to anyone with some portion of a brain that the replacement will have to be a woman. Why? We ladies are simply way better at comedy. We’re especially better at fake news reportage (Hi, Samantha Bee!); we’re smarter and more interesting and more appealing (Hi, Kristen Schaal!); we’re insightful and compassionate and sometimes uncomfortably truthy (Hi, Jessica Williams!). Plus, it seems only fitting that a show originally co-created by two women, Lizz Winstead and Madeleine Smithberg, should finally have a woman sitting in the anchor’s chair. And, thanks to an abundance of politically-correct token male hires like David Letterman and Jimmy Kimmel, there’s no woman in the lead position on any late-night show at present. That feels especially tragic when you consider that there are so very many lady performers who are superior to every man in late night. Wouldn’t it be fantastic if the most innovative, fascinating and consistently-impressive televised comedy program in the United States chose a gal as its guiding light? After all, its in-house stable of talent is dominated by three ladies. Not to disparage the gentlemen who work on the show – they’re splendid and highly qualified and very pleasant to gaze upon (Hi, Hasan Minhaj!) – but, as with the female members of the SNL cast, the ladies of The Daily Show consistently knock it out of the park and leave those perfectly nice men in the comedy dust. I can only imagine the frenzied joy of women around the country – nay, the world – if a qualified woman were selected to host The Daily Show. The celebrations would make the Bacchante look tame. No one would miss the scaled-back Carnivals in Brazil. Giant floats made of maxi pads and Diva cups would parade down the streets of every major city in America; chicks would call in sick to work to throw militant parties in honor of Sappho, the patron saint of all female comedians. Male strippers would be hired en masse to entertain all the excited women, providing a boon to the sexy-dude-powered portion of our economy. Wives would leave their husbands. Girlfriends would leave their boyfriends. Lesbians would marry other lesbians, and they’d have plenty of choices because everybody would suddenly be a lesbian! Ladies would gather in the fields and forests and football fields of every town in America to dance with excitement. Probably witchcraft would take place. Someone would definitely be turned into a newt. That’s what happens when women gain power! Or maybe not. Perhaps the result of hiring a woman to anchor The Daily Show would simply be this: a highly qualified performer with a quick wit and the ability to deliver biting social commentary would kill it on the national stage and endear herself to the loyal viewers while attracting even more fans to the fold. She’d boldly lead a stellar comedy franchise into the next iteration of its existence. She’d do us all proud, regardless of our gender. She’d kick ass and take names and show little girls that yes, there is a place for them in the late-night comedy firmament. And, like the next President Clinton, she’d do it all in a tasteful pantsuit. |