I’ll put a stop to games of thrones down the pub

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2015/jan/30/queen-for-day-stop-saving-a-seat-silliness

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If I were Queen, I would ban saving a seat for a friend in bars. We have all experienced the joy of spotting an unoccupied chair in a heaving pub. We enquire politely: “May I take this chair?” The stranger answers: “Sorry, it’s taken.” Oh. By whom? Your imaginary friend?

We’ve all pranced across the pub to snatch a stray stool for a friend who has yet to arrive, and many of us have issued a firm yes when asked, “Is this chair taken?”

The chair knows better, though, for its ownership is defined by kidnapping. My bottom, yours or your friend’s: the humble chair is there to serve. A bottom that has yet to arrive cannot take precedence over one that is already there.

You stand while the seat stays empty under the protection of your friends. Why not pee around it, too? Call in G4S. This is a pub, a public house. This chair is for whoever needs it most in that instant.

If someone has nipped to the loo, or popped out for a fag or a fist fight: fair enough: the seat is taken. I shall back away with peace in my heart. I am not suggesting we hover around as though we are in a game of Hungry Hippos, waiting to pounce on any old unoccupied chair.

But saving a chair in a public space for a person who is taking their time to turn up while others are left standing suggests, well, an arse. You steel yourself to interrupt a conversation and ask if you can borrow a chair that belongs to the pub – and you are unceremoniously cast aside as if you had piped up with: “DVD? Titanic. Good quality.” Your tail between your legs is promptly spotted by the next table’s chair-hogger in chief. Scarves, bags and coats are moved into their spare seat.

Just let him (or her – this is an issue which affects sexes equally) have the bloody chair! When tardy mate shows up, there will surely be another chair.

There is something more sinister to be addressed when discussing the politics of seat-saving. What we are actually saying, when we save a seat in a crowded place, is: “Myself and my people are more entitled to this geographical space than you are. We are more important than you, so you and your needs can sit and swivel.” Except we can’t, because you have all the chairs.

We all know the conflict that arises when human beings feel entitled to territory other people wish to share. An in-crowd is created and theories are proposed to justify exclusion. I’m not saying we can achieve world peace by sharing the humble bar stool and making it neutral territory. But it is a principle we could try to include in our culture’s social etiquette. It is a start to say: “Your bottom has the same rights as my bottom.”

How about the next time someone asks “Is this seat taken?” we reply with: “Yes, friend – by you.”

This cultural shift may seem too monumental for some. I imagine those who will favour purple in the upcoming elections, the “I’m all right, Jack, pull up the ladder” brigade, are the ones who sit tensely watching their spare chair like a hawks, unable to taste their drink or enjoy their conversation in case someone shuffles up who needs their spare seat. These sort of people don’t care that it’s only by chance, sheer good fortune that they are near an abundance of spare chairs.

Whether we are royalty or paupers, in the pub or on the loo Googling an ex, we must be prepared to give up our thrones.