Transfer news – David de Gea, Douglas Costa and Lucas Silva – as it happened

http://www.theguardian.com/football/live/2015/jan/23/transfer-news-david-de-gea-to-leave-manchester-united-live

Version 0 of 1.

6.09pm GMT18:09

Summary

Updated at 6.25pm GMT

5.58pm GMT17:58

Annnnnnd, Jimmy Kebe has cancelled his contract with Crystal Palace by mutual consent.

Right I’m off to have a shedload of coffee. Today has been a hoot. Thanks for reading, and for your emails and tweets. Bye!

Updated at 6.31pm GMT

5.42pm GMT17:42

More Sheffield-based news. What’s that? You want to know two things that link the Steel City and Real Madrid? OK then.

First up: the 2004 Fifa Centennial Order of Merit, awarded to Real and Sheffield FC for being the most successful club in the 20th century and the oldest recognised club respectively.

Secondly: Royston Drenthe, who spent the first half of this season on loan from Reading at Sheffield Wednesday and who miraculously played for Real Madrid between 2007-12. It’s the Dutchman, rather than the Order of Merit, that has signed for Turkish side Kayseri Erciyesspor, by the way.

“Royston is without doubt a talented player but sometimes transfers don’t deliver what they promise,” said Reading manager Steve Clarke. Shock. Horror.

Updated at 5.58pm GMT

5.20pm GMT17:20

Sheffield United were good last night weren’t they? Were they? I heard they were good anyway. After their north London escapades, Nigel Clough has stopped at Derby and bundled Paul Coutts & Kieron Freeman into the team bus on the way back to Yorkshire.

Paperwork completed on the double signing of Paul Coutts & Kieron Freeman. Full details here... http://t.co/XPrtd9AZRh #twitterblades

5.14pm GMT17:14

That Lucas Silva deal reeks of another needless Real Madrid signing. Canales,Illarramendi,Casemiro,Altintop,Diarra etc... @michaelbutler18

I’m inclined to agree Liam – this stinks of needless stockpiling – although your inclusion of Diarra on that list is only valid if you’re talking about Lassana. Mahamadou was pretty imperious for Los Blancos, especially in during their La Liga winning seasons of 2006-7, 2007-8.

Not referring to Mahamadou nope. Sahin, Gago, Granero (buyback) and christ even Julien Faubert all other examples. Odd. @michaelbutler18

Ah OK. Fair do’s.

Updated at 5.43pm GMT

5.09pm GMT17:09

Read today’s Fiver, if you want.

When Weird Uncle Fiver announces that he has a twitchy a$$, The Fiver knows the drill. Code red. You just have to act as fast as you can possibly can, sprint upstairs, don the special Fiver-issue biohazard suit, run to the nearest phone, realise that it’s quite hard to use a phone while wearing a special Fiver-issue biohazard suit, remove the special Fiver-issue biohazard suit, call the Environment Agency, wonder whether you should hold your breath to stop the fumes coming in, realise that would make it impossible to speak on the phone, take too long to make up your mind, pass out for a few minutes through lack of oxygen, wake up, dial the phone, tell the Environment Agency that it’s happened again and then put the special Fiver-issue biohazard suit back on and wait for the agents to arrive. Soon the entire neighbourhood will have been evacuated and a containment tent will have been set up. Can’t be too careful.

But hopefully they didn’t react in the same way at Manchester United’s training ground when Louis van Gaal started talking about the strange sensation he experiences in his backside when his team plays 4-4-2. The critics have said that playing three at the back has left some fans pining for the rich entertainment United provided when David Moyes was their manager, because at least they had a few yucks and giggles back then, but Van Gaal will not budge. And if it looks like he’s squirming in his seat, there’s a jolly good reason for that; it was definitely not because he had stuffed a gerbil up there. “I said to my players I was squeezing my a$$ but I knew that was the wrong expression,” Van Gaal said, as the assembled hacks choked on their sausage rolls and tried to remember the internet acronym they hear the kids using these days when someone is offering too much information. “I meant I have twitched my a$$ on the bench because we were out of balance. We won against West Ham playing 4-4-2 for instance but all the time it was twitching your a$$ and I don’t like it.”

Read the rest of today’s Fiver here. Or just go the whole hog and subscribe!

5.05pm GMT17:05

Whilst we’re on the mother continent, let’s squeeze in a rumour coming out of South Africa, whose press are reporting that Tottenham are interested in signing the 18-year-old Morne Nel from SuperSport United. The defensive midfielder impressed during a trial at Spurs last year.

4.58pm GMT16:58

Big transfer news from the women’s game!

Current Women’s Super League champions Liverpool have signed one of the world’s most exciting young talents Asisat Oshoala from Nigerian club side Rivers Angels.

News from @LFCLadies, who today signed African Women's Player of the Year, Asisat Oshoala: http://t.co/KMc7ndSAqC pic.twitter.com/UdWExOaGdU

The 20-year-old striker won the Golden Ball and the Golden Boot at the U-20 World Cup last year and was voted 2014’s African Women’s Player of the Year and Youth Player of the Year.

“We beat a number of top American and European clubs to Asisat’s signature,” said manager Matt Beard. “Asisat is one of the best young players in the world.”

4.50pm GMT16:50

Following yesterday’s confirmation of Martin Odegaard move to Real Madrid, Zinedine Zidane has opted against including the 16-year-old in his Castilla squad to face Fuenlabrada.

4.37pm GMT16:37

BREAKING! Harry Redknapp has said he has turned down the chance to spend Tony Fernandes’s money!

Harry Redknapp says QPR will not be signing former Milan striker Alexandre Pato. The forward is currently on loan from Corinthians at Sao Paulo.

“I got offered him, someone rang yesterday, and today it’s in the newspapers,” Redknapp said on Friday. “He is obviously a good player and I am not being disrespectful to him but no, he is not the type of player we are looking for. I am sure he is a good player but he would not be for us. It is difficult when you are looking around the market at this time of year, it is not easy to find players.”

I’m sure you’ll find one eventually.

4.34pm GMT16:34

Arsenal would rather spend their money on ball-playing midfielders than waste recycling centres and the installation of tactile paving and dropped kerbs, but Real Madrid’s club shop isn’t open for business.

Real Madrid will not let Asier Illarramendi leave in transfer window

Illarramendi, 24, joined from Real Sociedad for a fee of €30m (£22m) in July 2013 as a long-term replacement for Xabi Alonso but even though Alonso has moved on, Illarramendi has been unable to hold down a starting place.

The imminent arrival of another defensive midfielder, the Brazilian Lucas Silva, has prompted speculation Illarramendi will leave, with Real’s struggling La Liga rivals Athletic Bilbao and Arsenal reportedly interested in signing him.

“We don’t have that idea at the moment,” Ancelotti said ahead of Real’s La Liga game at Cordoba on Saturday.

“He hasn’t played much recently but that does not alter the confidence we have in him and his importance to the dressing room and the team.

4.28pm GMT16:28

Suspected Arsenal fan David Dein (“no not that one” quips David Dein) has taken Wilson Beuys’s comments to task regarding the apparently lenient planning permission planning terms Arsenal received. Oh, and he’s had a pop at Tottenham, too.

“It took 7 years to get it done, but also because Arsenal spent vast amounts on urban regeneration schemes in the community and to improve transport infrastructure to facilitate it and contribute to the community rather than attempt to starve a deprived area of much needed resources.

Contrast that with Tottenham’s attempt to squeeze money out of the local authorities and naturally the whole process will be more fraught.”

4.10pm GMT16:10

DONE DEAL!

Cruziero have confirmed that their defensive midfielder Lucas Silva will join Real Madrid on a six-and-a-half year deal for a fee believed to be around €14m. In a wholly predictable development, Cruzeiro president Gilvan de Pinho Tavares said in a press conference that Silva, who has yet to earn an international cap for Brazil, had “pressurised” the club into selling. “We won’t have any problem finding a replacement. Various reserve team players are ready to step up,” sobbed Tavares.

Updated at 4.17pm GMT

4.02pm GMT16:02

Richard Graveling has emailed in to expand on his feelings towards new ITV lead football presenter Mark Pougatch.

“I’ve still got a shuddering antipathy towards Pougers after his entirely inappropriate attempt at TMS commentary a few years ago, which was a complete behind-the-sofa car crash. Although Chiles could be buffoonish I do think ITV were on the right track with slightly left-field anchors. Having worked with him at one point in the distant past I would have suggested a really controversial figure - one J. Kyle. He actually knows his football inside out and I doubt he would have let the pundits get away with their usual line of inanity.”

3.57pm GMT15:57

I earlier asked if anybody knew what tattoo Anderson has on his right elbow and got a couple of semi-correct responses.

@michaelbutler18 I reckon that tattoo on Anderson's arm is South America. I turned my head upside down to check and everything

@michaelbutler18 Anderson's tat is a really inaccurate/strange map of the world. The bottom part is Australia. Full pics on the interwebs.

The 100% correct answer comes courtesy from this Manchester United Q&A:

How many tattoos do you have and what does the one on your right arm represent? - Tramain1987

I have five. One is for my grandmother, another is for my friend. The one on my right arm is a map of everywhere I’ve visited… Italy, England, America. And I’m not finished yet.

Presumably he’s got room for another tattoo in the form of … (suggestions welcome)

3.44pm GMT15:44

FINALLY. SOMETHING TO GET EXCITED ABOUT, courtesy of Dominic Fifield and Ed Aarons. We mentioned before that Douglas Costa had been pouting in Chelsea’s direction, and this appears to have worked…

José you sneaky little so and so. You never mentioned this in your press conference!

Chelsea consider £20m bid for Douglas Costa of Shakhtar Donetsk

Chelsea have sounded out Shakhtar Donetsk over the availability of their Brazilian midfielder Douglas Costa as they continue to explore potential recruits in anticipation of losing at least one first-team player ahead of next month’s transfer deadline.

Costa, currently with the Ukrainian club’s squad on a tour of South America, may yet prove a more cost efficient addition than Fiorentina’s Juan Cuadrado, for whom Fiorentina are insisting Chelsea meet the £26.8m buy-out clause in his contract. While talks with the Italian club are on-going in the hope a compromise can be struck, the Premier League leaders have also spoken with Shakhtar and suggested they would be willing to pay up to £20m to secure the 24-year-old Costa.

Read the full story here.

Updated at 4.00pm GMT

3.40pm GMT15:40

The Wigan exodus continues. Following Ben Watson out of a blue-and-white striped door is Shaun Maloney, is on the verge of joining MLS side Chicago Fire after seeing a deal to join Leicester City fall through earlier this week. I didn’t know this but a quick Google tells me that former Southampton man Guly do Prado is leading the line in the windy city. Excellent.

Anyway, this is what Malky Mackay has to say on little Shaun:

We’ve agreed terms with Chicago Fire for Shaun to leave imminently, so that is something that is going to be happening in the next day or so. There’s a financial situation and I’m respectful of the club’s position - I’ve got to be prudent in terms of the saving that we will make on Shaun’s wages and the transfer fee that can then be put to other things.

Whilst we’re in Wigan, let’s have a quick update on Calum McManaman. The Latics have rejected two bids from West Brom for the jinky winger but a departure looks imminent with Hull City now throwing their hat into the ring.

“There’s been no formal bid, but there’s been an enquiry,” continued Mackay. “There’s been an enquiry from a few clubs to be honest with you, but I’ve great respect for Steve Bruce so I don’t want to say too much more.”

3.23pm GMT15:23

It’s about that time isn’t it. The post-lunch dip. Probably too late in the afternoon to get off your face on coffee, too early in the day to sneak off for a pint. But wake up Everton (and Sampdoria) fans, because Samuel Eto’o is arriving in Genoa tomorrow to complete the most drawn out transfer or this particular window. Gianlucadimazio.com also reports that the Cameroonian will formally sign on the dotted line on Sunday morning, before attending Sampdoria’s Serie A game against Palermo in the afternoon. What a lovely day out.

3.15pm GMT15:15

“During a pretty season friendly between our clubs two under 12s teams, we got a referee who took his job very seriously,” emails David Flynn. “Dishing out yellow cards like it was going out of fashion, (which involved waving his hand in the air and shouting yellow card because he had no actual cards) he proceeded to give a penalty against me, the goalkeeper for descent and then sent off our manager for having the cheek to ask him to relax.

When our manager refused to leave the cowpat covered hill that we called a pitch he decided he’d had enough before issuing a string of expletives, storming to his car and driving off. All this within the first half hour. One of the dad’s took over the officiating and cancelled the penalty. Rightly so.”

3.13pm GMT15:13

Here are two players that are free to leave their clubs.

Neither Manchester United or QPR are yet to receive an offer this month for Adel Taarabt or Anderson respectively.

3.04pm GMT15:04

DONE DEAL! As we mooted yesterday in the blog. It doesn’t appear that a deal for his Palermo teammate Granddi Ngoyi has materialised yet.

DONE DEAL: The club can now confirm the loan signing of Sol Bamba until the end of the 2014/15 season #lufc pic.twitter.com/QEjPdAa5el

3.01pm GMT15:01

Arsenal representatives met their Roma counterparts on Monday to discuss the potential transfer of Mattia Destro, according to Tacredi Palmeri. Nothing concrete here, although apparently there were initial talks about a summer switch.

Meanwhile, another Arsenal target, Tolgay Arslan, is close to agreeing a pre-contract agreement with Besiktas. The Hamburg midfielder is out of contract in the summer and would arrive on a free transfer as he is 24-years-old.

Updated at 3.14pm GMT

2.52pm GMT14:52

Ed Aarons has also got the inside scoop on a potential Swansea replacement for Wilfried Bony.

Swansea have been told they will have to wait until the summer if they want to sign Aleksandr Mitrovic from Anderlecht. The Serbian striker is wanted as a replacement for Wilfred Bony and amid uncertainty over the future of Bafetimbi Gomis but his club have insisted there is no way he will leave Belgium in this transfer window.

Mitrovic, 20, is also wanted by clubs in Spain and Italy and would cost in the region of £10m. He has scored 10 league goals this season.

2.44pm GMT14:44

Shakhtar’s Douglas Costa is doing some accosting in the direction of Chelsea as he attempts to make himself only the second D. Costa at the Premier League leaders.

Douglas Costa: "It's my dream to play for Chelsea and it's a unique opportunity. I will try to leave [Shakhtar]."

Chelsea have bid of £20m for Douglas Costa rejected by Shakhtar. They want £30m but player wants to leave, says The Guardian’s Ed Aarons on Twitter.

Updated at 2.46pm GMT

2.36pm GMT14:36

Reports in Germany are suggesting that Arsenal have made a €5m offer for Borussia Dortmund midfielder Kevin Grosskreutz. Seems a little cheap that, although the German has admitted in in 2011 that “If I do ever leave Dortmund, I would like to go to the Premier League in England, and my favourite club there is Arsenal.”

We’ll keep an eye on that one. I would file that under ‘Complete Poppycock’ myself but you never know.

2.30pm GMT14:30

The Guardian’s Dominic Fifield has got in touch with this little nugget of palatial gold.

It appears Crystal Palace are prepared to switch their attention away from Neil Taylor at Swansea in pursuit of this elusive left-back, and may well revert to Lille’s Pape Souaré. He would potentially cost less in terms of his fee (Palace had a £3.5m bid for Taylor knocked back this week) and, most likely, his weekly wage.

2.27pm GMT14:27

It’s not football. But we’ll take it.

“I was on my high school wrestling team, trying to curry favor with my older brother, who was quite tough,” emails Isabelle Carpenter. “Once I was out on the mat getting my ass kicked even more severely than usual. My father was playing the scene for laughs with the home crowd, cheering me on with loud remarks like, “How can you lose to a guy named Herby?” Good times.”

2.22pm GMT14:22

@michaelbutler18 salah to roma, schürrle staying, cuadrado arriving. how likely do think is this scenario?

Let’s ask José Mourinho shall we? The Portuguese has had a bit more to say on Chelsea’s incomings and outgoings.

On Schurrle: “The principle is that we would like him to stay. The question is not to be allowed or not allowed. The question is to have a phenomenal offer and a player to be super keen of accepting a new challenge in his career. We don’t want to sell our players.”

On Cuadradro: “I think he fits well in Fiorentina squad, and Colombia squad, not in Chelsea squad.”

“The reality is normally nothing should happen in the next two weeks and we should go to February with the same squad.”

The basic principle is thus: if Chelsea sell or loan either of Schurrle or Salah, who is expected to join Roma on loan, then Cuadrado will almost definitely arrive. Mourinho’s #mindgames are well renowned, plus…

Mourinho basically reading from same script as when before Mata/Torres sold.

Updated at 2.26pm GMT

2.14pm GMT14:14

From Hamburg to Schalke, who are on the verge of signing Christian Rubio Sivodedov from Swedish club Djurgarden. Only a medical remains before the deal is done, so says our very own Marcus Christenson. The 17-year-old at both Newcastle and Manchester City a couple of years ago, let’s hope we don’t have John Carver and Manuel Pellegrini crying to the press doing a Wenger in years to come.

2.08pm GMT14:08

Hello all, Michael here again. Let’s kick off the afternoon session with some hot West Brom chat. Albion fans will be delighted to hear that Ideye Brown could join Bundesliga side Hamburg, who have expressed an interest in taking West Brom’s record signing on loan until the end of the season.

Who is Tony Pulis going to get to fill their Ideye-shaped hole you ask?

SHOLA RUDDY AMEOBI, that’s who. West Brom have already agreed a deal in principle with the former Newcastle man, according to the Express and Star.

Following his World Cup heroics with Nigeria last summer, Ameobi signed for Turkish side Gaziantep, but with financial problems lingering over the club, the 33-year-old is now a free agent. To celebrate, feel free to reacquaint yourself with Shola Ameobi’s episode of Cribs.

1.40pm GMT13:40

There had been talk of Athletic Bilbao making a whopper of an offer for Asier Illarramendi this week, but Carlo Ancelotti doesn’t seem too excited about the whole affair...

Ancelotti: “About Illarramendi there is nothing new. he is a Madrid player. Not played much lately, but still important for the team."

Ancelotti bit rattled by Illarra questions: "I have full confidence in Illarra, I need him, and I will play him in future.”

Updated at 2.14pm GMT

1.37pm GMT13:37

Inter, you dogs...

Some creative financial chicanery from Inter too. Brozovic to join on 18-month loan, which'll cost 3m. Obligation to pay 5m in 2016

1.31pm GMT13:31

Fresh from claiming Liverpool were never going to win the league this year despite previously saying Liverpool could very much win the league this year, Brendan Rodgers has allowed more baffling words to fall from his mouth.

On a new contract for Glen Johnson, Rodgers said:

“There is nothing new as yet but I am hopeful he will stay and hopeful that we can find a solution and keep him here. Ian [Ayre, the chief executive] does an excellent job negotiating with the owners for what they want and what they require.

“Like every player, he wants that security and for it to be sorted earlier than it is now but he also realises he is at one of the biggest clubs in the world with a team that is growing. He would want to be a part of that. I think he is more than happy to work with the club to find a solution for him to stay. He loves being here.

“His game will maybe adapt over the coming years. He is not the marauding full-back of six, seven years ago but he is still a quality player with experience. He is one that we are looking to keep and, between the agent and the club, hopefully we can organise something.”

Updated at 1.36pm GMT

1.19pm GMT13:19

Word from Italy now, and Inter are apparently close to securing a move for Dinamo Zagreb’s Marcelo Brozovic, previously a reported target of Arsenal, Liverpool and Atletico Madrid. So says SportItalia.com, anyway. Features slightly unfortunate Google translation in the headline.

1.15pm GMT13:15

Well, that’s a relief...

"The first signs in training have been very positive." Arsene Wenger on Krystian Bielik: http://t.co/cF5HzGqszi pic.twitter.com/Nt2Th0K1MR

1.13pm GMT13:13

“Truly we are in a post-Chilsean world,” writes Niall Mullen.

Fancy a spurious and not especially interesting anecdote? You would? Great! I was once introduced to Stewart Lee before an Edinburgh show one year, and we talked about Adrian Chiles. I can’t recall what was said because I was blinkered by trying not to make a flamboyant prannet of myself, and it was a about a year after the clip above was uploaded to the internet, but I’m still going to claim credit for Stew’s riff on the avuncular former ITV presenter.

Updated at 1.24pm GMT

1.02pm GMT13:02

Away from this maelstrom of transfer insanity, there’s the Magic Of The FA Cup, and here’s our pals the Exploding Heads to revoke their own membership of the Magic Circle and explain from where it comes.

1.00pm GMT13:00

Speaking of Cuadrado, Jose Mourinho has been speaking at his press conference about possible transfers in and out of Chelsea.

Our desire is to keep the same squad, which reflects that we are happy with the players, that we are happy with the work we did in the summer to prepare for the season, which reflects the trust we have in the group and if possible we don’t want to be involved in the transfer window.

If we are it’s because someone pushed us to do that with some interest in our players with some offer for our players. But Chelsea moving and looking for a change? No.

He also responded to talk of Andre Schurrle and/or Mo Salah leaving by simply saying they were both in the squad for Saturday’s FA Cup tie with Bradford. So, obviously, now he’s said that, and we can absolutely trust the manager’s word on this sort of thing because why would he mislead us, that no transfers will be happening at the Bridge. None. Not one. Nowt.

12.53pm GMT12:53

Afternoon. This is Nick, and I’m here with some white-hot news from Italy. Amid talk of an imminent move to Chelsea, Juan Cuadrado is - get this - concentrating on Fiorentina’s game against Roma this weekend. I know. Socks, blown off.

Updated at 1.31pm GMT

12.41pm GMT12:41

I’m going to grab some lunch. Here’s Nick Miller to help take you a little bit closer to the end of the working week. Bye (for a bit).

Updated at 12.42pm GMT

12.38pm GMT12:38

A tale of unfathomable sadness.

“Ever the enthusiast for watching competitive sport, to this day, my dad still watches my casual 5-a-side games,” cringes Philip McNee. “He cuts a forlorn figure most of the time, watching his once-sprightly son trudge around an AstroTurf pitch with several other men in their mid-20s, all breathing heavily and sighing. The other players are always disconcerted, too. “Who’s that? He’s just watching us play.” “I don’t know”, I reply.”

12.36pm GMT12:36

New lead on Leeds:

Massimo Cellino has announced he has resigned as president of Leeds, Cellino has been disqualified as an owner and director of the club by the Football League following a tax evasion conviction in Sardinia last year.

But wait!

That conviction becomes spent in April which will allow the Italian businessman to return to the club! Hooray!

It is with great sadness and frustration that I have to take this step, however I abide by the Football League’s decision to temporarily disqualify me from this great football club and will return in April in good health and good spirits,” said the Italian.

Read the full story here.

12.20pm GMT12:20

“I am suitably impressed by the signing of Ben Watson by my team, Watford, writes Jonathon Moloney. “I have often been impressed by him, and he will hopefully do wonders for our midfield which is a bit light due to injuries at the moment.”

12.18pm GMT12:18

DONE DEAL!

OFFICIAL: #watfordfc have completed the permanent signing of Ben Watson. He is available tomorrow v Blackpool pic.twitter.com/Ex2TsfiDck

Here an official club statement from Wigan’s Malky Mackay:

Ben will always be a hero at this club, and rightly so, not just for the goal in the FA Cup Final, but for being a terrific professional for six years. However, sometimes you have to make really difficult decisions in football. Ben is in the last six months of his contract and I need players here who are 100% focused on helping us this season and beyond. We have to be realistic and do what’s best for the football club financially.

When the move was first discussed Ben felt it would be something he would be interested in and the opportunity to move back near his family is important to him. We respect that, wish him all the best and thank him very much for what he has done at this club, but it’s time to move on.

12.16pm GMT12:16

Robin Hughes on the email.

“My dad (who used to play semi-pro) took over managing my team when we were about 12 (and weren’t very good). First training session, gets a 6-a-side going,sticks himself up front. Ball comes to him, he outmuscles a few defenders, absolutely pelts a finish into the bottom corner, before running off celebrating, telling us in no uncertain terms that he ‘hadn’t lost it’. I think even Toby’s dad from the Fast Show would have been embarrassed.”

12.09pm GMT12:09

Goal are reporting that Manchester United have been re-buffed by Valencia in their attempts to land Nicolas Otamendi. Super-agent has told Louis van Gaal and co that his client is not for sale, although the Argentinian’s release clause does stand at £37.5m. Remember Otamendi didn’t even make Argentina’s World Cup squad last year.

Recent Otamendi photos are a bit thin on the ground at present, so instead here’s Biff re-buffing (...) the McFly’s car.

11.56am GMT11:56

West Ham’s Sam Allardyce is patiently waiting for permission to speak to Manchester United’s Darren Fletcher, who is on the other line with West Brom’s Tony Pulis at present.

We’ve had no permission to speak to Darren Fletcher,” Allardyce said. “He’s got quite a few clubs interested in him so when he makes his mind up everyone will know.

I don’t know what the timeline is. If any of the other packages offered to him are accepted then we would accept that. Or if they hadn’t made their mind up or were negotiating somewhere else that would be it. We can’t wait forever.

Read the full story here.

Updated at 12.01pm GMT

11.52am GMT11:52

Frank Armstrong pipes up below the line with a case of mistaken identity.

I must have been about 15 when my mate went down in the penalty area screaming that he thought his leg was broken by a horror tackle; his dad came on and attacked the opposing centre-back - the Police were called and the father taken away. It was only later that he admitted he had dived to get a penalty... and he didn't even get the decision. Happy days!

11.47am GMT11:47

Mario Balotelli and Zlatan Ibrahimovic’s agent, Mino Raiola, says he wants to put himself forward to replace Sepp Blatter as Fifa President. No, really:

I’m sick at the thought of Blatter being reelected,” Raiola told De Volskrant. “Me in charge of Fifa? Yes, I really want to put myself forward, me running could be the best solution.

I’d be like a bull in a china shop at first, but I’m ready to learn. Do you want a dictator at the head of FIFA, or to live in a democracy? My 12 year old son knows that the best thing about FIFA is the video game, it has to be more transparent.

Not sure if he would even be able to apply: he to prove to Fifa he has played an ‘active role’ in football for two of the last five years – does being an agent qualify? – while also showing he has the support of five national associations.

11.33am GMT11:33

“I always liked Chiles back in the early days of MOTD2,” emails Jake Lewis-Smith. “But in an age when ITV’s football coverage has become better and better (through the likes of Lee Dixon, Roy Keane, etc.), he was an odious blight, taking nothing seriously and repeatedly asking the wrong (or incredibly shallow and unobservant) questions. Good riddance.”

Shallow and unobservant questions? Never!

11.29am GMT11:29

Here that news story on the ITV presenter shake up, which includes something I didn’t mention: that Adrian Chiles has left with immediate effect!

Adrian Chiles replaced as ITV Sport football presenter by Mark Pougatch

11.28am GMT11:28

If you didn’t know already, Dani Osvaldo has gone AWOL from Internazionale training, and has subsequently become a target for QPR. Former Inter striker Hernan Crespo has weighed in this morning:

“He has great talent and he can make the difference. He’s an exciting player who raises expectations,” Crespo told Milan Channel.

“The problem is how ready is he mentally to accept the decisions and the rules that come with the job. It’s Osvaldo fighting against Osvaldo”

What a fight that would actually be. Death by trilby. Fittingly, John Spurling has written this for the Guardian Sport Network on footballers that go AWOL including Adriano, George Best and the ethereal Stephen Ireland.

11.11am GMT11:11

Not transfer news, but worth flagging anyway. It’s 20 years since Eric Cantona kung-fu kicked Crystal Palace fan Matthew Simmons. Here is a delightful brick-by-brick account, in case you have forgotten the exact angle that Cantona’s studs entered Simmons’ chest.

If brick-based animation isn’t your thing, Simon Burnton has also written some words on the 1995 incident. It’s a lovely read.

Updated at 11.41am GMT

10.57am GMT10:57

Fionn Shiner digs deep to recall a magnificent touchline memory.

“When I was about 9 the Sunday League team I was playing for were getting absolutely mauled 7-1 on a freezing cold, sleet-ridden day in Birmingham. I was somewhat of a “battler”, i.e. quite shit, and so was still playing my heart out (incidentally I went on to win Man of the Match for my team - one of very few awards I received).

My Dad was on the touchline in a bright red cagoule, massive walking boots and bright red walking socks touched into said boots. He was proud of my endeavour in the face of such adversity and so began to - he insists tongue in cheek - shout from the sidelines the following mortifying refrain:

“Never give in! Don’t forget the family motto: NEVER GIVE IN!!!!!!”

I was suitably embarrassed.”

Updated at 10.58am GMT

10.56am GMT10:56

Broadcasting transfer news! Full news story to follow.

Delighted for @markpougatch, joining ITV as main football presenter with immediate effect. Adrian Chiles not mentioned once in release.

This of course follows the news of Andy Townsend’s imminent departure from ITV. Quite the overhaul, I’m sure you’ll agree.

Internet, what do we think of Adrian Chiles? Or Mark Pougatch? But mainly Adrian Chiles. Thoughts on a postcard please. Something like this will do.

Mark Pougatch will be v good on ITV. Good presenter. Crucially, not embarrassing or annoying

Updated at 11.14am GMT

10.39am GMT10:39

Another story from last night, in case you missed it. Ajax manager Frank de Boer has told Sky Sports he is open to taking on the Newcastle job in the summer.

I have everything open. But I will be ready that’s for sure. I only said if they asked I don’t go now because I am with Ajax and I don’t want to go halfway through a season while also stepping into a team that are already halfway too. So, for me, if there will be a chance it is always in the new season.

There was still other candidates also. But I just signed a new contract [at Ajax] and I said you are too early at this moment. And then Tottenham last year. I was one of the candidates and in the end they chose Pochettino and all respect to the choice. These were two clubs that I was quite interested in.

I would like to manage in England but also Germany and the Spanish league because they are the three best leagues in the world, so I would like to get that experience.

For the full story, read here.

Updated at 10.45am GMT

10.35am GMT10:35

Wigan’s Ben Watson is reportedly in talks with Watford. The London-born midfielder has struggled with injuries since his infamous goal in the 2013 FA Cup Final, including a double-leg fracture last February, but has been impressive in the last couple of months for the Latics. He’s an excellent player at Championship level, and would add a little bit of steel to the considerable guile that Watford have in their ranks. Good signing, if that one goes through.

10.19am GMT10:19

Wilson Beuys has got Sir Chips on his shoulder. “Did anyone else enjoy Arsène Wenger’s transparent attempt to influence the people making the decision on Gabriel’s work permit, by claiming he’d have bought Angel Di Maria long before he was famous if he could have—were it not for this cursed “politically correct” employment rule for football clubs, eh? (As in: So why not let us get around it this time, for someone who’s never played for Brazil at any level?)

I don’t know why he bothers—Arsenal always get what they went anyway. Compare how quickly their planning approval for the Emirates went through with the struggles most clubs face. With Sir Chips Keswick, Lord Pinkie Peckham, Lady Nina Bracewell-Smith, Lord Vice-Admiral Sir Buffy Boggles and the Bishop of Stoke Newington on their board, stuff just miraculously seems to have worked out for them over the years.

Dunno why, but I’m guessing the “exceptional talent” rule will win through with this one…”

10.18am GMT10:18

Today’s Rumour Mill is Cleopatra - Coming at Ya. Read it here. Here is a quick round-up of what lies within, and it’s more bad news for Arsenal fans:

10.06am GMT10:06

A huge woulda-coulda-shoulda transfer story from north London.

Arsene Wenger has started kicking off about work permits and revealed that but for these “politically correct” documents, Angel Di Maria would be strutting his stuff in the red of Arsenal, not Benfica/Manchester United.

We had identified Di María when he was 17. We wanted him to come here. But he goes to Portugal and from Portugal he goes to Spain. Why? Because he could not get a work permit. That means that he can only come to England once he’s worth a huge amount of money. What does it mean if at the end of the day he comes into the country anyway, with the only difference being it’s for a huge amount of money. And who do you pay that to? A club like Real Madrid, who don’t need the money.

If I was an Arsenal fan, I would hate this. If he wants to comment on the work permit system then that’s fine, but don’t tell the Gooner faithful what they could have had. You can’t miss what you’ve never known. Wenger has got previous in this department:

Updated at 11.16am GMT

9.50am GMT09:50

“Morning Michael,” starts Alex Stewart with our first email of the day. “My mother once turned up to watch me play hockey in a blizzard, one of several matches on adjacent pitches. I was in goal and therefore wearing a helmet and the only way she could identify me was by shouting my embarrassing family nickname Bo-Bo repeatedly until I shamefacedly turned round and grudgingly identified myself. Then she waved and rushed over and I got shit from my team-mates for weeks.”

9.44am GMT09:44

Swansea manager Garry Monk is mighty keen on Tom Carroll, who is on loan from Tottenham, and has floated the idea to WalesOnline that he might try and keep the 22-year-old in south Wales on a more permanent basis.

It’s not something we have discussed yet – but we are not averse to it. We have spoken about Tom’s progress here and he has done well for us. He is young, has great potential, but we will likely talk more towards the end of the season to see if there are any options towards a longer deal.

I have not spoken to Tom about it as I do not want him to have any distractions. I want him to worry about his football. Come the end of the season we need to hear from him and both clubs so we will assess it then.

9.40am GMT09:40

Question of the day

I wonder what kind of a touchline father Andrew is to Devante, by the way. Is he a backseat driver of a fan-father, frothing from the mouth, desperately trying to convey tactical messages from the stands using wild hand gesticulations or worse, the kind that is not angry, but disappointed when his son misses a chance he should have buried. Or he might simply be loving, caring and supportive. Who knows.

My own experiences: my dad insisted on cycling to my Sunday league away games and would cheer me on from the sidelines in a full lycra get up, whilst my mum, to my horror, once ran onto the field and started battering my opposite man with her handbag, after he went studs up on me.

Do share any of your cringeworthy stories, via email or Twitter, if you have any.

9.29am GMT09:29

Manchester United fans: how many of you are feeling like this? Thursday night is the new Friday, so I’ve heard.

I'm stuck at work with a pounding hangover, so please don't sell our best goalkeeper to Real Madrid.

Updated at 9.29am GMT

9.23am GMT09:23

Chelsea fans, this should help grease the wheels for Juan Cuadrado’s arrival from Fiorentina: Mohamed Salah is about to sign for Roma on a six-month loan deal that could turn permanent in the summer.

The Salah transfer will see Chelsea receive a loan fee of around £550,000, with a payment in the region of £11m to follow in the summer. Roma will meet the player’s wages in full this season, with negotiations between the clubs undertaken despite a dispute over who legally represents the 22-year-old. The man the player claims to be his former agent, the lawyer Oliver Kronenberg, is understood to be preparing a complaint to the Football Association having been frozen out of the talks.

Please don't take any news from my ex agent Oliver Kronenberg and don't believe any of his words