Noel Clarke: My family values

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/dec/26/noel-clarke-my-family-values

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My parents split up shortly after I was born in December 1975. They were Trinidadian immigrants. My dad, Alf, was a carpenter and my mum, Gemma, was a nurse and also worked in a launderette. I was raised by my mum in a small two-bedroom house on a council estate in Ladbroke Grove, west London, which was the setting of my film Kidulthood. I had an older half-brother, but I never grew up with him, so essentially I was an only child.

Mum was my everything. She was my mum and dad, and was so strong. She was my one and only role model as I didn’t have any extended family nearby – Mum has six sisters, five of whom live in Canada. Even though we didn’t have much, she worked hard to make sure I had food and clothes. Home was always warm with a smell of good food when I walked in. She’s the inspiration for my strength of character.

I didn’t know my dad at all growing up, but we’ve reconnected. My wife encouraged me to reach out. We speak now and he sees his grandkids. I’m glad things worked out the way they did with him because it spurred me on and gave me my drive. Everything was water off a duck’s back to me and because of it I trust my instincts, and can make decisions very quickly, especially when it comes to business.

I was an alpha child. I had a lot of friends and people who kind of just gravitated towards me. I never bowed to peer pressure and I wasn’t scared to say no. I didn’t care if people stopped talking to me because of it. Now that I’ve got two kids of my own, who are six and three, it reminds me of how tough it is to be a kid sometimes.

I was drawn to acting from a very young age. Mum would take me to the cinema and I just knew I wanted to be the people I was seeing. I’ve instilled the love of film in my two kids – it’s real bonding time for us.

I was never afraid to be alone or on my own. I could easily get up on a Saturday and play with my toys at home and not ask to play or go out. Times were different then – you had to make your own fun. There wasn’t this constant stimulation from gadgets.

Ladbroke Grove was pretty rough when I grew up there. But for me, it wasn’t a scary area because I was a local boy.

I didn’t get school. I did learn that the school system doesn’t accommodate people who develop differently. I realise I’m a visual learner, I want to be shown how to use something rather than read about it.

I was very independent growing up. I was going to school on my own, and from the age of seven I had keys to let myself in to the house. When I got in, I put the chain on the door and didn’t answer it to anyone. The snacks and food were laid out for me and I’d watch television. These days a parent would be jailed for that, but we had no choice, especially if Mum was working late shifts.

It’s a cliche but I really did discover a newfound respect for my mother when I had kids of my own. There are two of us – my wife Iris and me – raising our kids, and we still find it difficult. How my mother managed to work full-time, raise me and get through all the difficulties that come with having a boy, well, I don’t know how she did it.

I wonder if I’m too harsh on my kids. I don’t have anything to gauge it against when I discipline them because my dad wasn’t there, so I’m learning as I go along. I love every minute of it and hopefully I’m doing a good job.

• Noel Clarke stars in the ITV detective series, Chasing Shadows