Downton Abbey Christmas special recap – it worked as retro festive wallpaper
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Version 0 of 1. The labrador’s backside is back for Christmas. And let’s hope it’s not just for Christmas, eh? Actually, my Christmas wish would be that it is just for Christmas. Because if this convoluted outing proved anything, it’s that this series has outstayed its welcome. Unlike Isis the dog, whose absence in this Christmas special finally disproved the conspiracy theory that she was just absent from the last episode to tease us. Sorry, people, but Isis really is dead. As always this was a beautifully made and wonderfully acted confection showcasing all the shortcomings of the Downton Abbey brand. In the opening sequences, it felt as if the actors had been directed to speak the dialogue slowly and carefully in order to help viewers a) worse for the cooking sherry and b) unfamiliar with Downton (as probably many Christmas-only viewers were – lucky them). There was a lot of signposting of characters and history, which only served to flag up that there are often far too many people involved and far too many things going on. As a standalone piece for anyone not following the series, I suspect this outing worked rather well as retro festive wallpaper. And there can surely be no finer features on screen than those of Matthew Goode (Wickham in last year’s Death Comes to Pemberley and also a series regular in The Good Wife), seen fleetingly here flirting with Lady Mary and making a Dukes of Hazzard-style getaway in a fast motorcar. If he is coming in as the dark-haired replacement for Dan Stevens, that will be a happy event indeed. For those of us who have been suffering the joys and pains of the past five series, it tied up a paltry number of loose ends (Dame Maggie’s Russian tryst, Rose’s uncomfortable relationship with her new inlaws, Edith not knowing that her father knows about the Impostor Child). And Uncle Julian did at least give us the payoff we’ve been anticipating since last year’s Christmas episode: the marriage of Mrs Hughes and Mr Carson. Hooray! But unbelievably (or totally believably if you are used to the snail’s pace of Downton) he left the “Who killed rapist valet Green?” plot open. We don’t even really know if it definitely isn’t Anna or definitely isn’t Bates. My money, despite the pub landlord’s evidence, is still on Bates. But surely by now we deserve resolution on this? We found out Green was dead on 10 November 2013. Seriously, Uncle Julian, how long are you going to leave this hanging? Do you even know who killed him? I suspect no one cares any more. There were some pleasing details. The Russian Silver Fox! Midnight skating to the strains of the balaika! Setting sail in the prince’s yacht! The manic depressive Russian princess (Jane Lapotaire) was superb and, as every guest is forced to on this show, really made the most of her three sentences. Alun Armstrong as The Evil Butler, Stowell (yes, I know, I heard it as “Stole” and “Stowe” the whole way through, too), was wonderful: “I am not a novice anywhere.” And there was plenty of Molesley, which is always a delight. But what a missed opportunity! When Molesley was rifling in Anna’s drawers, I was convinced he would find the Ill-Defined Contraceptive Device. So disappointing. But let’s draw a veil over that and concentrate on the best marriage proposal ever from a man resembling a cautious and lovable badger: “Well, that’s the point. I do want to be stuck with you ...” Who wouldn’t drink to Mr Carson’s happiness on Christmas Day? Random subplot alert The healing broth certainly rivals the controversial electric toaster, the impromptu soup kitchen and the miscarriage-causing soap as the most random subplot of all time. Still, who cares when it gives Spratt (Jeremy Swift) the chance to make his most excellent faces? The jury is still out on Denker. Sue Johnston plays the role as if there’s a lot more to Denker than meets the eye. It would be wonderful if this were true (and Spratt hinted at as much). But knowing Uncle Julian, this is likely to be another red herring. Or a plot point that won’t get resolved until 2017. Surprise character development One of the biggest surprises of series five has been the revelation of Cousin Violet’s former life as a hussy. Dame Maggie has played this wonderfully, reverting to her 21-year-old self every time the Russian Silver Fox enters the county. The moment between Cousin Violet and Cousin Isobel about the “immoral proposition” was vintage Downton. The twin storyline about her love for the prince and Cousin Isobel’s love for Lord Merton has been a good one, allowing the two women to draw closer together whil still holding each other at arm’s length. This is the kind of thing Downton does so well. But we see it too rarely and too fleetingly, thus rendering an infuriating experience even more infuriating. Golden eyebrow of the week It has go to to the Earl of Grantham, who leaped up from his seat – in a manner reminiscent of Lazarus-Matthew leaping up from his “the-tingle-is-back” bath chair – as soon as he learned that there was an alibi for Bates. “We know which pub it was ...” “What?” He was closely rivalled by Branson, however, who rarely gets any eyebrow action but was forced to emote fiercely throughout this episode. An honorary mention for a beautifully furrowed brow during the weeping over Dead Sybil, swiftly undermined by the line: “I love the way you love her.” What is this? Is Branson secretly Michael Bublé’s lyricist? Excuse me, could you just repeat that awkward line of dialogue? • “It breaks my heart to see her there. But she is strong.” Brendan Coyle (Bates) manages to deliver his lines as if he is simultaneously James Stewart in It’s a Wonderful Life and Hannibal Lecter. • “You know me: never complain. Never explain.” Dismayed that the mystery of Dame Maggie’s Russian adventure has been solved. We want more Wayward Violet! • “You’re in for the Downton Christmas and if that doesn’t put you off, nothing will.” Also a metaphor for this phenomenon generally. Next week There’s no Next Week! Hurrah! But series six is already confirmed and will be back on our screens in autumn 2015. Exhausting. |