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Letter from Africa: Sharing Nigeria's cake | |
(about 9 hours later) | |
In our series of letters from African journalists, Nigerian writer and novelist Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani looks at the clamour for assistance that accompanies a politician's rise to office. | In our series of letters from African journalists, Nigerian writer and novelist Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani looks at the clamour for assistance that accompanies a politician's rise to office. |
The political party primaries in Nigeria have drawn to a close and voters now have a clearer picture of whose turn it might be to divide up the national cake after the elections in February 2015. | The political party primaries in Nigeria have drawn to a close and voters now have a clearer picture of whose turn it might be to divide up the national cake after the elections in February 2015. |
But the winning candidates won't be the only ones taking their share of the country's riches. | But the winning candidates won't be the only ones taking their share of the country's riches. |
In Nigeria, news of a person's success in an election often travels at the speed of lightning, over rivers and mountains and past fields and forests, to his kindred in all corners of the globe. | In Nigeria, news of a person's success in an election often travels at the speed of lightning, over rivers and mountains and past fields and forests, to his kindred in all corners of the globe. |
Those with no jobs believe their days of unemployment are coming to an end; those with no education think it will soon pose no barrier to climbing the corporate ladder; those in faraway lands begin plans to return home. | Those with no jobs believe their days of unemployment are coming to an end; those with no education think it will soon pose no barrier to climbing the corporate ladder; those in faraway lands begin plans to return home. |
Soon, these kith and kin launch their pilgrimage towards the successful candidate. | Soon, these kith and kin launch their pilgrimage towards the successful candidate. |
They ring his phone; they send text messages; they knock at his gate. | They ring his phone; they send text messages; they knock at his gate. |
They offer to help his campaign in any way they can; they organise prayer sessions for his victory, usually late at night in his living room. | They offer to help his campaign in any way they can; they organise prayer sessions for his victory, usually late at night in his living room. |
'Bitter tongues will wag' | 'Bitter tongues will wag' |
A friend of mine who lives in Lagos told me last week that he was travelling to Benin state. | A friend of mine who lives in Lagos told me last week that he was travelling to Benin state. |
His friend had just "picked up" a spot in the House of Assembly there. Another person he knew was set for another top position. | His friend had just "picked up" a spot in the House of Assembly there. Another person he knew was set for another top position. |
"He's a good friend of my elder brother in Florida," he said. "I've already told my brother: 'You'd better come down and rub minds with him and introduce us to him.'" | "He's a good friend of my elder brother in Florida," he said. "I've already told my brother: 'You'd better come down and rub minds with him and introduce us to him.'" |
Another friend whose husband is a close associate of a winning candidate in one of Nigeria's choicest states told me her phone did not stop ringing after his victory was announced. | Another friend whose husband is a close associate of a winning candidate in one of Nigeria's choicest states told me her phone did not stop ringing after his victory was announced. |
People had been calling to offer congratulations. Indeed, even I had called for that very reason. | People had been calling to offer congratulations. Indeed, even I had called for that very reason. |
In Nigeria, the culture has always been that anyone who gets into power, who suddenly finds himself holding a knife with which to cut the national cake, must invite his clan to both slice and eat it with him. | In Nigeria, the culture has always been that anyone who gets into power, who suddenly finds himself holding a knife with which to cut the national cake, must invite his clan to both slice and eat it with him. |
The most unforgivable sin a politician can commit is to forget "his people" after he assumes office. | The most unforgivable sin a politician can commit is to forget "his people" after he assumes office. |
He must "remember" his sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces, nephews, in-laws, friends, schoolmates, and so on. | He must "remember" his sisters, brothers, cousins, nieces, nephews, in-laws, friends, schoolmates, and so on. |
Preferably through contracts, appointments and jobs. | Preferably through contracts, appointments and jobs. |
Failure to do so will lead to taunts and ostracism and on the day his tenure expires, he will find himself completely alone. | Failure to do so will lead to taunts and ostracism and on the day his tenure expires, he will find himself completely alone. |
Long after his funeral, the bitter tongues will continue wagging. | Long after his funeral, the bitter tongues will continue wagging. |
Local history will forever record him as having denied his kindred their turn. | Local history will forever record him as having denied his kindred their turn. |
I have heard several amusing stories regarding the influx of people from the Niger Delta region into Abuja, the Nigerian capital, after their kinsman, Goodluck Jonathan, was elected president in 2011. | I have heard several amusing stories regarding the influx of people from the Niger Delta region into Abuja, the Nigerian capital, after their kinsman, Goodluck Jonathan, was elected president in 2011. |
Outstretched palms | Outstretched palms |
One of my favourite tales was told by my British-Nigerian friend who teaches in one of those Abuja schools where the children pay stupendous fees in dollars and make fun of their teachers' cheap mobile phones. | One of my favourite tales was told by my British-Nigerian friend who teaches in one of those Abuja schools where the children pay stupendous fees in dollars and make fun of their teachers' cheap mobile phones. |
She was shocked when a particular pupil, during a science lesson, seemed to know more about crustaceans than you would expect of a child his age in the city. | She was shocked when a particular pupil, during a science lesson, seemed to know more about crustaceans than you would expect of a child his age in the city. |
This child stood before the class and described in great detail how the creatures are caught, cleaned and cooked. | This child stood before the class and described in great detail how the creatures are caught, cleaned and cooked. |
At the end, my friend called the boy aside and asked how he knew so much about the topic. | At the end, my friend called the boy aside and asked how he knew so much about the topic. |
The child explained that he had grown up in the creeks, where his family petty-traded crustaceans for a living. | The child explained that he had grown up in the creeks, where his family petty-traded crustaceans for a living. |
That is why the news of a candidate's potential ascension into political office stirs such joy. | That is why the news of a candidate's potential ascension into political office stirs such joy. |
In many parts of the world, it requires years of steady progress for one's economic circumstances to radically transform. | In many parts of the world, it requires years of steady progress for one's economic circumstances to radically transform. |
Here in Nigeria, all it takes is an election, and a new political appointment. Suddenly, a child goes from capturing crustaceans in the creeks to an exclusive school in Abuja. | Here in Nigeria, all it takes is an election, and a new political appointment. Suddenly, a child goes from capturing crustaceans in the creeks to an exclusive school in Abuja. |
Voracious kith and kin are the main force behind Nigeria's corruption problem. | Voracious kith and kin are the main force behind Nigeria's corruption problem. |
Imagine the thousands lined up with outstretched palms behind each political office holder. | Imagine the thousands lined up with outstretched palms behind each political office holder. |
Try telling them that you intend to reform the system now that it is finally their turn to eat. | Try telling them that you intend to reform the system now that it is finally their turn to eat. |
If you would like to comment on Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani's column, please do so below. | If you would like to comment on Adaobi Tricia Nwaubani's column, please do so below. |