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YouTube celebrities like Zoella helped me get through my depression YouTube celebrities like Zoella helped me get through my depression
(about 9 hours later)
I started watching YouTubers in the summer of 2013 when I was 18 years old. I was going through one of the hardest times of my life and doubt I would have come through it without them. Three months earlier I had dropped out of school due to depression and since then had developed severe anxiety; I could barely leave the house, was going to therapy every single day and had trouble doing pretty much anything except lying in bed watching TV. I started watching YouTubers in the summer of 2013 when I was 18 years old. I was going through one of the hardest times of my life and doubt I would have come through it without them. Three months earlier I had dropped out of school due to depression and since then had developed severe anxiety. I could barely leave the house, was going to therapy every single day and had trouble doing pretty much anything except lying in bed watching TV.
I write a blog and had followed the blogging community for a long time, but the idea of watching videos of someone I didn’t know had never appealed to me. My viewing time was saved exclusively for Friends re-runs and Greys Anatomy. One night though, as I lay in bed trying to find new blogs, I came across one called Zoella, written by a girl just a few years older than me called Zoe Sugg. She was funny, interesting and her blog was incredibly well written, the posts guiding me towards her YouTube videos. I sat and watched a few and at first was unimpressed. She had over a million subscribers to her channel and I couldn’t quite understand the appeal. But I kept on watching, fuelled by insomnia, and by the morning I was hooked. I write a blog and had followed the blogging community for a long time, but the idea of watching videos of someone I didn’t know had never appealed to me. My viewing time was saved exclusively for Friends re-runs and Greys Anatomy. One night though, as I lay in bed trying to find new blogs, I came across one called Zoella, written by a girl just a few years older than me called Zoe Sugg. She was funny, interesting and her blog was incredibly well written, the posts guiding me towards her YouTube videos. I sat and watched a few and at first was unimpressed. She had more than a million subscribers to her channel and I couldn’t quite understand the appeal. But I kept on watching, fuelled by insomnia, and by the morning I was hooked.
A year and a half later, the world of internet vlogging and YouTube celebrities has exploded. Zoella now has 8 million subscribers, a product line, book deal, and as of the past few weeks – after publishing her novel Girl Online, achieving record-breaking sales, then being criticised for her use of a ghost writer – a torrent of attention from the non-YouTuber watching public. I understand the appeal of criticising young people who appear on YouTube, who have achieved a lot in a short space of time for reasons that are hard to understand. But I want to share my experience in the hope that it might help to explain this new world. A year and a half later, the world of internet vlogging and YouTube celebrities has exploded. Zoella now has 8 million subscribers, a product line, a book deal, and as of the past few weeks – after publishing her novel Girl Online, achieving record-breaking sales, then being criticised for her use of a ghost writer – a torrent of attention from the non-YouTuber watching public. I understand the appeal of criticising young people who appear on YouTube, who have achieved a lot in a short space of time for reasons that are hard to understand. But I want to share my experience in the hope that it might help to explain this new world.
What I have gained from watching these people’s lives is something I will treasure for the rest of mine. My depression had led to me being unable to talk to anyone except my parents, and even with them I often found it incredibly hard to connect through the fog and pain that filled my brain. After discovering Zoella I was quickly introduced to a world of young British women and men making similar videos. Louise Pentland and Tanya Burr immediately became my favourites and I would rotate between the three women’s videos for hours every day. On the surface they talked mostly about makeup, beauty, shopping and skincare. Subjects that can seem vapid, but in their hands became topics which revolved around self-love, self-care and a belief that everyone deserves to be and feel beautiful. What I have gained from watching these people’s lives is something I will treasure for the rest of mine. My depression had led to me being unable to talk to anyone except my parents, and even with them I often found it incredibly hard to connect through the fog and pain that filled my brain. After discovering Zoella I was quickly introduced to a world of young British women and men making similar videos. Louise Pentland and Tanya Burr immediately became my favourites and I would rotate between the three women’s videos for hours every day. On the surface they talked mostly about makeup, beauty, shopping and skincare – subjects that can seem vapid, but in their hands became topics that revolved around self-love, self-care and a belief that everyone deserves to be and feel beautiful.
But as with so much in life, the true magic of the videos came from the moments in between. The women talked to me. They talked in a way that most people had become too scared to, and for the first time in years I began to feel my age again, like a teenage girl again, even like a remotely happy person again. When they laughed I felt happy, when they cried I felt sad, when they talked about their boyfriends, parents or new favourite lipgloss I felt like I had a friend again, someone who cared about the things I cared about, who would go shopping with me and do makeovers with me but most importantly who was going through the same things I was going through as a teenage girl.But as with so much in life, the true magic of the videos came from the moments in between. The women talked to me. They talked in a way that most people had become too scared to, and for the first time in years I began to feel my age again, like a teenage girl again, even like a remotely happy person again. When they laughed I felt happy, when they cried I felt sad, when they talked about their boyfriends, parents or new favourite lipgloss I felt like I had a friend again, someone who cared about the things I cared about, who would go shopping with me and do makeovers with me but most importantly who was going through the same things I was going through as a teenage girl.
There’s an argument made so often about YouTube stars that they are “just like us”, that they’re normal people and shouldn’t or don’t deserve to be treated like celebrities. But to say that is to completely misunderstand the work that these people are making. They are just like us, and that is an amazing thing. But the skill, effort and intelligence that goes into making a person feel as if they are not alone, as if they are hanging out with a friend, as if they are safe, is immense. In my mind Tanya Burr has just as much skill as any Oscar-winning actor, it’s just directed into a different place. Anyone who has ever tried to record footage of themselves being “normal” knows just how excruciating this can be, but three seconds into one of Tanya’s vlogs, you feel at home, and this has nothing to do with luck or normality, it has to do with talent. A new kind of talent, the talent of being a friend, of being a light in a day that might have otherwise been dark, of being a YouTuber.There’s an argument made so often about YouTube stars that they are “just like us”, that they’re normal people and shouldn’t or don’t deserve to be treated like celebrities. But to say that is to completely misunderstand the work that these people are making. They are just like us, and that is an amazing thing. But the skill, effort and intelligence that goes into making a person feel as if they are not alone, as if they are hanging out with a friend, as if they are safe, is immense. In my mind Tanya Burr has just as much skill as any Oscar-winning actor, it’s just directed into a different place. Anyone who has ever tried to record footage of themselves being “normal” knows just how excruciating this can be, but three seconds into one of Tanya’s vlogs, you feel at home, and this has nothing to do with luck or normality, it has to do with talent. A new kind of talent, the talent of being a friend, of being a light in a day that might have otherwise been dark, of being a YouTuber.
There’s a video that Louise Pentland uploaded on Christmas Eve last year that is comprised mostly of her sitting in her car and crying. I watched this video 30 minutes after it had uploaded. Christmas had arrived and I was as sick and sad as ever. YouTubers had become one of the most important parts of my life and I spent most of my Christmas Eve waiting for new videos. As Louise cried I began to cry, something that anyone who has had depression will know can often be very hard. I connected to her in a way I just didn’t to anyone I actually knew. And despite the fact that she was someone I had never met, she helped me in ways that simply no one else could. There’s a video that Louise Pentland uploaded on Christmas Eve last year that is comprised mostly of her sitting in her car and crying. I watched this video 30 minutes after it had been uploaded. Christmas had arrived and I was as sick and sad as ever. YouTubers had become one of the most important parts of my life and I spent most of my Christmas Eve waiting for new videos. As Louise cried I began to cry, something that anyone who has had depression will know can often be very hard. I connected to her in a way I just didn’t to anyone I actually knew. And despite the fact that she was someone I had never met, she helped me in ways that simply no one else could.
I’ve had hundreds of moments like this. Moments when I’ve felt lonely, or scared, or like I was never going to get better. Moments that I’ve shared with these girls who live inside my computer and moments that I only got through because they were there. It might take years for the world to realise how talented they are, and I know most of them don’t even realise it themselves, crediting their success to luck and good timing. But millions of people around the world find solace, comfort and joy in the videos they make every single day. And that is down to the fact that these people are geniuses at what they do.I’ve had hundreds of moments like this. Moments when I’ve felt lonely, or scared, or like I was never going to get better. Moments that I’ve shared with these girls who live inside my computer and moments that I only got through because they were there. It might take years for the world to realise how talented they are, and I know most of them don’t even realise it themselves, crediting their success to luck and good timing. But millions of people around the world find solace, comfort and joy in the videos they make every single day. And that is down to the fact that these people are geniuses at what they do.
They have managed to help more people get through the never-ending battle that is growing up than anyone I can think of since The Beatles.They have managed to help more people get through the never-ending battle that is growing up than anyone I can think of since The Beatles.
You might be see a book called Girl Online top the bestsellers list this Christmas, and wonder what on earth it’s doing there. Or your son may ask you for a copy of The Pointless Book and you’ll have no idea what he’s talking about. You might find yourself in the middle of a debate over ghostwriting or arguing with a relative over how these books are just people trying to make money. But what’s behind these products are people whose work brings joy to your children, or your partner. People who might be closer to your loved ones than you are, without ever having met them. You might be see a book called Girl Online top the bestsellers list this Christmas, and wonder what on Earth it’s doing there. Or your son may ask you for a copy of The Pointless Book and you’ll have no idea what he’s talking about. You might find yourself in the middle of a debate over ghostwriting or arguing with a relative over how these books are just people trying to make money. But what’s behind these products are people whose work brings joy to your children, or your partner. People who might be closer to your loved ones than you are, without ever having met them.
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