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I didn't need the Pope to tell me animals have souls. I have a dog I didn't need the pope to tell me animals have souls. I have a dog
(about 3 hours later)
“Paradise is open to all of God’s creatures,” Pope Francis was said to have told a young, grieving boy who had just lost his dog this week. Turns out, it was actually Pope Paul VI who said it years ago.“Paradise is open to all of God’s creatures,” Pope Francis was said to have told a young, grieving boy who had just lost his dog this week. Turns out, it was actually Pope Paul VI who said it years ago.
But I didn’t need either Pope to tell me animals have souls. I long knew it to be true.But I didn’t need either Pope to tell me animals have souls. I long knew it to be true.
When my parents divorced after 25 years, our family’s 10-year-old standard poodle, Chloe, came to live with me in a small studio on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. She was big and brown, and her eyes told me that she was as sad and freaked out as I was that we had all broken apart. I was 24 years old at the time, but I felt like an abandoned little girl. Chloe and I used to lie on the floor together, listening to Joni Mitchell, as I rubbed her tummy and felt my anxious, racing breath slow down. She made me feel like I wasn’t alone.When my parents divorced after 25 years, our family’s 10-year-old standard poodle, Chloe, came to live with me in a small studio on the Upper West Side of Manhattan. She was big and brown, and her eyes told me that she was as sad and freaked out as I was that we had all broken apart. I was 24 years old at the time, but I felt like an abandoned little girl. Chloe and I used to lie on the floor together, listening to Joni Mitchell, as I rubbed her tummy and felt my anxious, racing breath slow down. She made me feel like I wasn’t alone.
But in our first couple months together, whenever I would tie her to the meter outside the deli for five minutes and run in to grab some milk and tomato soup, she would bark wildly – a howling that seemed completely disproportionate to my short absence. I always poked my head outside the door and told her, “I’ll be right there”, trying to quiet her.But in our first couple months together, whenever I would tie her to the meter outside the deli for five minutes and run in to grab some milk and tomato soup, she would bark wildly – a howling that seemed completely disproportionate to my short absence. I always poked my head outside the door and told her, “I’ll be right there”, trying to quiet her.
One day, it occurred to me that my promises didn’t mean anything to her. Words were words. She might have understood “cookie” and “sit” and “down”, but trust was something I had to prove to her.One day, it occurred to me that my promises didn’t mean anything to her. Words were words. She might have understood “cookie” and “sit” and “down”, but trust was something I had to prove to her.
It took a while, but eventually Chloe stopped barking when I would tie her up. She knew I was coming back for her. We helped each other heal.It took a while, but eventually Chloe stopped barking when I would tie her up. She knew I was coming back for her. We helped each other heal.
As she aged, city life became too much for her. She moved in with my father and his new wife in the suburbs. A few years later, when I got the call that she had died, it was like a final piece of my childhood was gone.As she aged, city life became too much for her. She moved in with my father and his new wife in the suburbs. A few years later, when I got the call that she had died, it was like a final piece of my childhood was gone.
Two decades later, and shortly after Ethan and I married, we got a white standard poodle puppy we named Gracie. As we cuddled on the couch with our little white fluff ball that adults on the street would often mistake for a llama, Ethan said, “In Sunday school, we were taught to treat our animals better than we treat ourselves, to feed them first.Two decades later, and shortly after Ethan and I married, we got a white standard poodle puppy we named Gracie. As we cuddled on the couch with our little white fluff ball that adults on the street would often mistake for a llama, Ethan said, “In Sunday school, we were taught to treat our animals better than we treat ourselves, to feed them first.
I had never heard that before, but it resonated with me on a deep level. We owed them something for all that they gave us. And there was something powerful about taking care of another being with Ethan that made me feel closer to him, more deeply in love – more like a family.I had never heard that before, but it resonated with me on a deep level. We owed them something for all that they gave us. And there was something powerful about taking care of another being with Ethan that made me feel closer to him, more deeply in love – more like a family.
But even though Gracie felt like our baby, I still longed for a child. I was a week shy of my second trimester when we discovered that our daughter had stopped thriving. There was no heartbeat.But even though Gracie felt like our baby, I still longed for a child. I was a week shy of my second trimester when we discovered that our daughter had stopped thriving. There was no heartbeat.
For months, whenever I would find myself crying, clutching my belly, Gracie would rush over to me, rest her head on my lap and look up at me with kind eyes that understood. She definitely had a soul which spoke to mine, and I would get down on the floor with her and hold her, the warmth of her furry body calming me down.For months, whenever I would find myself crying, clutching my belly, Gracie would rush over to me, rest her head on my lap and look up at me with kind eyes that understood. She definitely had a soul which spoke to mine, and I would get down on the floor with her and hold her, the warmth of her furry body calming me down.
When Ethan and I gave birth to our son a year after we lost our daughter, I was overjoyed and overwhelmed. At 40, I struggled to keep up: recovering from a C-section, fighting to breastfeed and sleeping in three-hour chunks left me spent. I was lucky if I found the time to shower. Gracie would bring me her stuffed monkey and wag her tail, hoping for a quick game of catch.When Ethan and I gave birth to our son a year after we lost our daughter, I was overjoyed and overwhelmed. At 40, I struggled to keep up: recovering from a C-section, fighting to breastfeed and sleeping in three-hour chunks left me spent. I was lucky if I found the time to shower. Gracie would bring me her stuffed monkey and wag her tail, hoping for a quick game of catch.
“Later,” I would tell her, knowing it was an empty promise.“Later,” I would tell her, knowing it was an empty promise.
So she would curl up on the couch and sleep – or run around it at the speed of light because I couldn’t take her to the park in the mornings.So she would curl up on the couch and sleep – or run around it at the speed of light because I couldn’t take her to the park in the mornings.
My husband worried I had stopped loving Gracie, that I couldn’t handle having a child and a dog, that I would want to give her away. I could never do that. Instead, I prayed we would find our way back to each other over time.My husband worried I had stopped loving Gracie, that I couldn’t handle having a child and a dog, that I would want to give her away. I could never do that. Instead, I prayed we would find our way back to each other over time.
Last summer, my mother took Gracie for a week so we could go the beach with Ethan’s family. The place they had rented didn’t allow dogs.Last summer, my mother took Gracie for a week so we could go the beach with Ethan’s family. The place they had rented didn’t allow dogs.
“The house feels so empty,” I told Ethan, as I packed our bags. “I miss her.”“The house feels so empty,” I told Ethan, as I packed our bags. “I miss her.”
“That makes me happy to hear,” he said.“That makes me happy to hear,” he said.
“She’s like the Giving Tree, giving and giving, and I didn’t realize how much I had taken.”“She’s like the Giving Tree, giving and giving, and I didn’t realize how much I had taken.”
When we returned, I made her scrambled eggs and threw her monkey up high, watching her leap in the air with unadulterated joy. I thanked her for still loving me, for showing me grace. I didn’t deserve it, but there she was, with her deep soul and goofy smile and poufy hair.When we returned, I made her scrambled eggs and threw her monkey up high, watching her leap in the air with unadulterated joy. I thanked her for still loving me, for showing me grace. I didn’t deserve it, but there she was, with her deep soul and goofy smile and poufy hair.
Just then, my son pointed to her, and said, “Bark bark.”Just then, my son pointed to her, and said, “Bark bark.”