Gay marriage doesn’t equal equality. Here are 5 things still to fight for

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/dec/11/gay-marriage-equality-tolerance-discrimination

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The legalisation of gay marriage and this week’s change in the law that allows lesbians and gay men to convert a civil partnership into a marriage have been viewed by many as pinnacles of our liberation – signs that inequality and discrimination have been consigned to the past. This is not the case.

Never has there been such a wide chasm between social attitudes and the law on lesbian and gay issues. Now we have total legal equality with heterosexuals, it is clear how education and awareness-raising aimed at the gay and straight communities has been neglected. So long as two women kissing in a trendy London venue can be told to stop because it is a “family restaurant” – as happened just last week – it remains obvious that, for some, our relationships are not seen as “normal” or familial.

Other pieces of legislation that have been introduced to achieve normative change, such as those to criminalise drink-driving, smacking children, smoking in public and sex discrimination in the workplace were preceded with public awareness campaigns as to why such laws were necessary. But equal marriage was introduced without much placard waving. It was more of a polite conversation between the campaigners and the legislators.

Much more needs to be done before we can even begin to imagine genuine equality – we need to regain some of the radicalism we saw during the campaign against Section 28 in the 1980s, when lesbians abseiled down the House of Commons chamber, invaded the BBC during a live broadcast of the Six O’clock News, and demonstrated and picketed around the country.

Here are some of the changes still necessary for true liberation.

1. Recognition that marriage is good for some and not for others

We also need to pay some regard to the fact that many of us did not want state involvement in our relationships. Feminists have long critiqued marriage as being bad for women, and gay people should continue to critique it now. We should consider whether, because marriage is a failing institution, we were only invited to the party to give it a boost. For the first time in history there now exist two categories of gay people: the “good” and the “bad”. The good are respectable, coupled, married and solvent. The bad are the single, unemployed and unconventional. If both parties in a same-sex couple are claiming benefits and marry they will lose money, just like heterosexuals. That’s equality, but it’s something we should be challenging.

2. Stop using the word ‘tolerance’

We need to lose this word in relation to how we wish to be viewed and treated. It is the lowest possible bar, and I am heartily sick of hearing gay rights campaigners and appeasers use the argument that we are better tolerated by straights as an example of positive change. I tolerate pub bores, London Transport and back pain. I want us to demand respect and acceptance.

3. Get back to ‘glad to be gay’

We must challenge the bully brigade that demands we meekly ask for our “rights” based on the “I can’t help it” mantra. Let’s get back to chanting “glad to be gay” as opposed to whispering, “If I could take a pill to turn me straight I would, but I was born this way.” The argument that we should be treated equally because we are genetically pre-disposed to same-sex attraction is not just bad science, it defies logic. After all, that argument has never much helped black people or women. Heterosexuality can be bad for women, and for many of us, the opportunity to reject compulsory heterosexuality is liberating. Allow for the possibility that, for some, being gay is something so good it is a positive choice rather than a negative imposition. Only then will we install some pride back into this placatory movement.

4. Understand that not everyone is treated equally

It is important to recognise that some lesbians and gay men in the UK do not enjoy equality and respect before the law. Asylum seekers and refugees from some of the 80-odd countries in which same-sex encounters are criminalised are often treated as dishonest and undeserving of our protection and respect. Until recently, the Home Office had a policy of rejecting asylum claims from lesbians and gay men on the basis that they could avoid torture and imprisonment in their homeland by being “discreet”, effectively telling them the closet would protect them. We need safe houses for the gay men and lesbians in this country who have no recourse to public funds, in order to support them through their legal cases. Let’s start a campaign and fundraise for this to happen.

5. Come out

If you are relatively privileged, have support, security and legal protection, be proud and public. Younger gay people and those living in villages and within religious communities need us to do so, because there is strength in numbers. Those of us who are relatively safe to come out, who do not have to worry about any adverse effects on our children or other dependents, need to be brave enough to set an example. Our work is far from done. When the confetti has been cleared away and the hangovers dealt with, let us focus on what true liberation from bigotry and repression would really look like.