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Oh dear, David Mellor, did a taxi driver pierce your shiny smug shell? Oh dear, David Mellor, did a taxi driver pierce your shiny shell?
(about 1 hour later)
It’s hard for the insecure not to namedrop and list their achievements. It’s hard for someone who suffered a narcissistic injury as a child not to believe deep down that unless they are the best, they are nothing at all. Inside the shiny shell of an apparently smug, self-satisfied adult is a small child wanting to be loved but of course can never be loved because he never shows his real self. Instead he is doomed to play never-ending games of one-upmanship with taxi drivers.It’s hard for the insecure not to namedrop and list their achievements. It’s hard for someone who suffered a narcissistic injury as a child not to believe deep down that unless they are the best, they are nothing at all. Inside the shiny shell of an apparently smug, self-satisfied adult is a small child wanting to be loved but of course can never be loved because he never shows his real self. Instead he is doomed to play never-ending games of one-upmanship with taxi drivers.
How do you become a narcissist? Either you are treated by your equally narcissistic parents as the king who can do no wrong, or they only acknowledged you when you showed them in a good light by your shining achievements and being better than all their peers’ children. If you weren’t top they couldn’t or wouldn’t acknowledge you so that part of you, the ordinary you, is somehow not allowed to exist. In fact were you to inhabit it, it might feel like you were disappearing, not unlike annihilation.How do you become a narcissist? Either you are treated by your equally narcissistic parents as the king who can do no wrong, or they only acknowledged you when you showed them in a good light by your shining achievements and being better than all their peers’ children. If you weren’t top they couldn’t or wouldn’t acknowledge you so that part of you, the ordinary you, is somehow not allowed to exist. In fact were you to inhabit it, it might feel like you were disappearing, not unlike annihilation.
And what if someone touches a nerve in you that doesn’t like to be prodded? What if, say a taxi driver, in the kingdom of his cab, which you are in with your wife on the day she received an CBE, manages somehow to disturb your sense of self-righteousness? How dare he? And then what if he demonstrates that he knows which route to take through the traffic better than you do? What if, in fact, he knows more than you do? And what if someone touches a nerve in you that doesn’t like to be prodded? What if, say a taxi driver, in the kingdom of his cab, which you are in with your wife on the day she received a CBE, manages somehow to disturb your sense of self-righteousness? How dare he? And then what if he demonstrates that he knows which route to take through the traffic better than you do? What if, in fact, he knows more than you do?
You might puff out your chest and say “You’ve been driving a cab for 10 years? I have been in the cabinet, I am an award-winning broadcaster, I’m a Queen’s Counsel, you think your experiences are anything compared to mine? Just shut up.” Oh dear, perhaps the taxi driver has pierced that shiny shell that keeps you safe and has prodded a softer more vulnerable part; the part that knows that despite everything you are just an ordinary person and to be such a thing is intolerable.You might puff out your chest and say “You’ve been driving a cab for 10 years? I have been in the cabinet, I am an award-winning broadcaster, I’m a Queen’s Counsel, you think your experiences are anything compared to mine? Just shut up.” Oh dear, perhaps the taxi driver has pierced that shiny shell that keeps you safe and has prodded a softer more vulnerable part; the part that knows that despite everything you are just an ordinary person and to be such a thing is intolerable.
The taxi driver’s experiences, David Mellor QC, are closer to yours than you dare to feel. He probably knows what it is to love, what it is to lose, what it is to feel humiliated and what it is to be mortal. He may too have mastered a skill that he practises every day.The taxi driver’s experiences, David Mellor QC, are closer to yours than you dare to feel. He probably knows what it is to love, what it is to lose, what it is to feel humiliated and what it is to be mortal. He may too have mastered a skill that he practises every day.
We all have a lot in common. We are all vulnerable human beings having to learn that there is more strength in knowing our fragility than clinging to a shiny shell of superficial ticks. One-upmanship is a difficult habit to break. It is not something anyone really does on purpose, it’s a default mode of defence. The best thing we can do is to make the effort to empathise with the bloke driving or the bloke in the back.We all have a lot in common. We are all vulnerable human beings having to learn that there is more strength in knowing our fragility than clinging to a shiny shell of superficial ticks. One-upmanship is a difficult habit to break. It is not something anyone really does on purpose, it’s a default mode of defence. The best thing we can do is to make the effort to empathise with the bloke driving or the bloke in the back.
But the only person in this sorry affair I have managed to feel really sorry for so far is Lady Cobham. Her fine day out has been hijacked by two fighting cocks.But the only person in this sorry affair I have managed to feel really sorry for so far is Lady Cobham. Her fine day out has been hijacked by two fighting cocks.