Will destroying a house ease the pain of April Jones’s murder?

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/nov/18/destroying-house-april-jones-murder

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One of the few certainties of life is that all of us will endure loss; the experience of grief – one of the most painful of all – is at the core of being human. I and my colleagues in mental health often receive referrals for people who bear all the hallmarks of being depressed – sadness, social withdrawal, sleep disturbance – only to discover that they have recently experienced a grave and significant loss, be that through death, redundancy or divorce.

While it would be cruel to downplay the effects of episodes such as these on a person’s life, professionals are often reluctant to intervene, at least early on: it is natural to experience difficult emotions in those contexts and to pathologise these feelings is unhelpful. Usually, grief resolves itself and life continues, albeit perhaps in a very different way. In the first month following bereavement, about 40% of people meet the criteria for depression; by two years, this drops to around 7%. It may not feel like it at the time, but the pain does lessen.

Unsurprisingly, sudden bereavement, or that which is accompanied by violence, is often much more traumatic for those left behind. The loss can be compounded by reminders of the person who is no longer there, and it is common for previously neutral objects and locations to begin to hold extraordinary power. Sites where acts of violence have been committed, such as 25 Cromwell Street, the home of Fred and Rose West, can become almost iconic in their significance.

Recently it seems there has been an increase in the practice of tearing down buildings that act as emblems of horrific crimes, as has been the case with the home of Mark Bridger. The parents of April Jones have said quite openly that they wanted the house destroyed, and understandably so – it was a constant reminder of their loss and an invitation to think about what their daughter’s final moments must have been like. Similarly, following the Soham murders, a Cambridgeshire county council spokesman stated that it would have been “wholly inappropriate” to have allowed Ian Huntley’s home to remain, and there was the suggestion that its demolition would allow the community to “move on”. Can the destruction of a house truly lessen the impact of such trauma?

It’s tempting to think of these actions as a means of attaining closure. But this suggests that a person can “get over” the appalling events they have experienced in one fell swoop. As with all grief, recovery is a gradual process. The emotional response is likely to vary over time, and may well be intensified by moments such as birthdays and anniversaries. There is increasing evidence that the ongoing effects of trauma are strongly dependent on the ways in which communities respond collectively. “Post-traumatic growth” refers to the positive changes that can result following an individual’s struggle to recover from a highly traumatising event. Despite the devastation that they may experience initially, research has found that positive gains can be made in several areas, including deeper relationships with others, feeling personally stronger and developing a greater appreciation for life.

Family and community support are key to this recovery. The murder of April Jones will have affected the entire village in which she and her family lived, and it is likely that their grief is collective. An acknowledgement of the reality of their community’s loss – which could indeed include the demolition of Bridger’s cottage – may serve to strengthen the bonds, and give rise to something positive. Adversity changes us all; those who experience events such as these are irrevocably altered, but together, they can recover something of themselves. Lives and relationships can be repaired, painful though the process is. Hope for the future can be renewed.

It is often difficult to believe that any good can come from terrible events. The impulse to destroy that which reminds us of them is one most of us can empathise with. But a truer solace can be found away from the rubble – in our relationships with others and our ability to acknowledge, communicate and share our grief.