Football transfer rumours: Barcelona's Gerard Piqué to Chelsea?
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Version 0 of 1. What is the world coming to people? It was bad enough that those fat cats said we couldn’t ramble through the countryside, dressed from tip to toe in nothing but our birthday suit, but now the man is saying another man can’t even put his foot through an advertising hoarding as a means of celebration? Really people! Next thing you know, we’ll be forced to endure Robbie Williams live tweeting the birth of his child while singing the theme of Frozen to a wife clearly more pained by the crooning than going in to labour. Sorry? What? No. He. Did. Not. Did he? Ah here. Sure, look, forget about all that guff by dipping your head in the sands of today’s transfer nonsense.Over in Barcelona, Gerard Piqué gets up at a reasonable time in the morning, has a breakfast of hand-picked fruit, muesli and a slice of freshly-baked sourdough toast and then, draped in warm rays of the southern sun, he takes a dip in the pool, a look over the rolling Catalan hills and a kiss from his superstar partner. Once the early traffic has cleared, he gets into his car, drives to training and gets paid an exorbitant amount of money to have a quick game of piggy-in-the-middle with his best mates for a club that he loves playing for. With training done, he either goes for a stroll around the Picasso Museum followed by some tapas next door in Bar del Pla or has a mint ice-cream while sitting down on the harbour wall watching the boats bob and the sun go down. Hard life, eh? Well apparently it is and apparently the defender wants a change of scene and apparently Chelsea are on hand with their hand out-stretched ready to hand Piqué a way out of that miserable existence. The move will cost them £24m but sure Uncle Roman probably has that in his change-jar by the door.Meanwhile, Manchester United are going to sign Gareth Bale. No, really, they are. OK, maybe they aren’t. But the Red Devils are in the market to sign a left-back with a decent bit of experience under his boots after deciding that spending the season relying on a 19-year-old who is still learning his trade may not be a good idea after all. With this in mind, they have sent their scouts scouring Europe, and beyond, in search of the right buy and the best that they have come up with is Roma’s Ashley Cole. The former Chelsea man, who, the Mill is guessing, would be about as welcome at Old Trafford as the news that they are having all their titles stripped from them and awarded to either Liverpool or Manchester City, is enjoying the challenge of learning the language and often spends hours just staring at the wonderous architecture of St Peter’s Basilica. However, his manager, Rudi García, reckons he ain’t able to keep apace with the speed of Serie A and will be giving him the boot with his boot come January. Shortly after that, you’ll see Cole posing with the United scarf above his head and talking about a massive opportunity. Elsewhere, Arsenal fans, fret no more. The club and the manager have listened to your concerns about the squad and the lack of depth and all that jazz and they have snapped into action by beating a path to wherever the 17-year-old Benfica wonder-kid, Gonçalo Guedes, lays his head. If another young, pretty-passing player with little experience of the Premier League and its robust style of play does not solve all those problems at the Emirates, then the Mill does not know what will. The Gunners are also gunning for Grzegorz Krychowia, which would seem like a most sensible thing to do, unlike, say, live tweeting a birth and singing the theme to Frozen while your significant other pushes in pain. |