I called my boyfriend by his brother’s name during sex

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/oct/20/called-boyfriend-by-brothers-name-during-sex

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I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months and everything has been perfect. However, a couple of weeks ago I called him by his brother’s name during sex. They are very close in age and I know he feels in competition with him. I was really drunk and was drifting off to sleep and his brother was in my dream – a totally non-sexual dream – so when he said my name I responded with his brother’s. He has forgiven me, but I feel so guilty. I don’t even like his brother very much.

Consider consulting with someone to help you understand this dream. It was not a dream about your boyfriend’s brother, but rather, something he represents for you. What might that be? Very often, each person in your dream represents an aspect of yourself, and it can be illuminating to delve into these expressions of one’s unconscious mind.

When drifting out of sleep, one may have what are known as hypnopompic images. These can become combined in one’s psyche with actual sexual desire or arousal in a way that has little to do with the context. Sexual desire that occurs in a true dream can lead to orgasm; however, an erotic dream is not usually about sex, but about connecting with whatever is represented by the object of one’s desire. Dreams can be simply erotic expression, but more commonly they are about something broader that is well worth investigating.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don’t send attachments).