Advice columns: comfort blankets in the scary world of adulthood
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Version 0 of 1. Once marriage, children and home ownership were all events that defined the passage to becoming a grownup, but a new study reveals a shift. The Clark Established Adult poll named the top three markers for adulthood as accepting responsibility for self, financial independence and making independent decisions. This change from a clearly signposted route into adulthood with tangible milestones to something more free-floating means that fewer people now feel classically “grown up”. In this shifting, greyscale environment, finding the right answers is tricky, so we’re (re)turning to advice columns for relationship tips, job guidance and more. We’re all at it. It could be your colleague, a friend or the person you’re sitting next to on the bus. From author Roxane Gay informally dishing out advice on her Tumblr to producer/rapper T-Pain, who recently started as the new agony uncle on Vice music site Noisey, our appetite for guidance is present, and perhaps it is even growing. Zeitgeist litmus test Lena Dunham is surfing this wave with a series of short YouTube videos to promote her new book. Against a retro beat that sounds like something from a 1980s educational video, Dunham dishes out advice on topics such as bad boyfriends, broken legs and the very modern conundrum of whether you can be a feminist in booty shorts (the answer is yes). T-Pain and Dunham are just two of a recent wave of hip advice columnists: agonees now have an array of celebrities including Andrew WK – the singer who made a career out of his Party Hard mantra now writes a regular page for the Village Voice. It is heartening to see a man who does a mean scissor kick onstage come out with tender pearls of wisdom: “Even though it can feel very awkward and uncomfortable, a true relationship requires you to be open and able to talk about anything and everything.” But asking for help is nothing new, even if the aunties are now reached by email. Veteran columnist E Jean Carroll has been dispensing advice for more than 15 years in her US Elle column. Her energetic, witty style includes gems such as “Never dine alone with a friend’s boyfriend (unless it’s his last meal and he’s being shot at dawn),” in response to queries ranging from ways to cultivate sex appeal to how to get a job in the recession. These are old problems wrapped in a modern veneer, and the rules for dealing with them have been rewritten. Modern life is difficult, if not rubbish, and traditional advice-givers – such as 1920s etiquette expert Emily Post, who made her name fielding such queries as the conventions of thank-you notes – would probably fall short of these complex problems. Those of us who grew up reading Just Seventeen’s Nick and Anita advice pages in the 1990s will remember the seriousness of some of the problems sent in. Alongside the snogging techniques and searching questions such as “Should I smoke to impress him?” were stories of sexual and physical abuse. The internet, and the culture of sharing it encourages, has made it so much easier for people to ask delicate, intimate questions without revealing their identity. Delightfully snarky Dear Coquette receives more than a thousand letters a month to her anonymous blog, which snowballed from the “Ask Me Anything” Tumblr feature on her personal site. It is thanks to the internet that advice columns have really hit their stride: even if you’re not writing in, reading advice given to someone else can be prove useful, or at least provide some juicy voyeurism. Author of Tiny Beautiful Things and Dear Sugar columnist Cheryl Strayed says adults “have become much better at admitting that we don’t have all the answers”. Heather Havrilesky, AKA Ask Polly, is a master at dealing with the free-floating anxieties of today’s adults. She describes her thoughtful, meandering brand of “existential advice” as “4,000 words, half of which are variations on ‘fuck’ and ‘motherfucker’.” Echoing the Clark study, A O Scott’s recent New York Times essay examined what he calls “the death of adulthood in American culture”. In a world where many people find themselves forced into a strange, twilight version of adulthood, via poor housing choices, unclear relationships and job insecurity, Scott suggests that “maybe nobody grows up anymore, but everyone gets older”. Why do we yearn for advice? Strayed says our reasons are pretty basic: “We want to know that we’re OK. It goes back to a very primal need we had to feel loved.” And as we move through these watery life stages, it’s not surprising that we’re choosing to take one of the relics of adolescence with us as a comfort blanket. |