Ebola crisis: a heroic Chris Brown shares his views with the world
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Version 0 of 1. Lost in Showbiz likes to think of itself as a paragon of modesty and shy understatement. It would never seek to self-aggrandise by claiming that it exerts a vast influence over the world of celebrity, that the famous hang on its every word, looking to it for guidance much as they would a guru or oracle, regarding its pronouncements as wisdom, spun from the purest gold, there to be acted upon with alacrity. But sometimes, it does wonder. Last week, Lost in Showbiz found itself forced to berate the world’s celebrities for their woefully inadequate response to the Ebola outbreak. It noted sorrowfully that, to date, hardly anyone from the glittering showbiz firmament had done or said anything idiotic. Apparently forgetting themselves – and the vital role they’re supposed to play in any crisis – they had chosen to make a sober black and white fundraising video. Clearly panicked and desperate, people had taken matters into their own hands and resorted to making idiotic things up, about R&B singer Akon performing in a giant plastic anti-Ebola bubble etc. Among the celebrities Lost in Showbiz called upon to act was R&B’s best-loved domestic abuser Chris Brown, a man who suggested the 2011 riots might be quelled if people listened to his recent collaboration with pop-house DJ Benny Benassi, Beautiful People. It’s delighted to report that no sooner were its admonishing words published than a suitably chastened Chris Brown took to Twitter and informed his 13.7 million followers that, in his considered opinion, the Ebola epidemic was, in fact, “a form of population control”. No word, alas, as to whether he meant that it was the judgment of God upon an over-populated world or a crisis engineered by shadowy operatives of The Man – just the suggestion that “shit is getting crazy” – but let’s not pick nits here. Let us instead offer profound thanks that at least one celebrity has started doing their job properly, and hope that others follow his lead and buck their ideas up. Indeed, the only drawback to the situation was that, 9,500 retweets later, Brown suggested he was going to “shut up”. Lost in Showbiz can only clasp its head in its hands. No, Chris Brown! Don’t shut up! At the moment, you’re our only hope! Indeed, at risk of abusing its position as your guru or oracle – its pronouncements of purest spun gold to be acted upon with alacrity – Lost in Showbiz commands you to say more stupid things! Have you any thoughts on the advance of Islamic State? |