Would you watch a talent show for toilet rolls?

http://www.theguardian.com/media/shortcuts/2014/oct/15/would-you-watch-talent-show-for-toilet-rolls

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While film lovers may wax lyrical about the glamour of Cannes in May, the fun really begins in October. That’s when Mipcom – a free-for-all of dumb ideas masquerading as an international television format marketplace – descends on the town, bringing all the world’s worst new TV shows together in one place. For lovers of trashy telly, Mipcom is a treasure trove, especially since many of these formats will end up on our screens. Here are a few of this year’s strangest offerings.

Soul Out (Secuoya Distribution)

A legitimately nightmarish format in which contestants genuinely sell their souls to acquire high-value items. The buyers of the souls are the TV audience, who can use an app to choose precisely how they’d like the contestants to publicly degrade themselves in the pursuit of stuff. Personally, I think a better title for this is Dance Monkey Dance, but what do I know?

Keep Your Dog Alive (Endemol International)

Before I continue, know that this really exists. Contestants have a pet dog that is either dead or on its last legs (this hasn’t been made clear). They are given a porcelain dog that they must take through several gruelling tasks. If the porcelain dog is still intact at the end of the show, a South Korean scientist will create a genetic clone of the winning dog owner’s beloved pet.

Dating Naked (Electus)

This is an American dating show where, as the title suggests, all the participants are naked. They meet each other naked, they date each other naked and then, presumably, they lie to camera about how they were really attracted to their partner’s personality.

Love at First Kiss (WBITVP)

A Dutch dating format (clothed this time, thankfully) in which two strangers enter a room and, without saying a word, kiss each other. If both participants like the kiss, the pair go on a date. But if one does and the other doesn’t, the uninterested one walks out, leaving the first participant alone to reflect on what an inadequate disaster they are.

Minimello (SVT)

This one might take some explaining. Minimello is a Swedish singing competition with a difference – the audience and performers are all dolls made of decorated toilet rolls sent in by viewers. Previous winners of Minimello include two beautiful princesses called Mia and Pia who sang a song called Bom Bom Bom, and a bespectacled DJ called Gold Guy who stormed to victory with La Discoteca. It’s aimed at children, obviously, but I desperately want this to replace The X Factor.

Celebrity Pole Dancing (NeweN Distribution)

Already airing in the Netherlands, Celebrity Pole Dancing is Strictly Come Dancing but with an even more heavy-handed stripping element.