Zenit Saint Petersburg v Monaco: Champions League – as it happened
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Version 0 of 1. 6.54pm BST18:54 That was abysmal. From both sides. On that evidence, the only mark either will make on this year’s competition will be as the smeared roadkill of one of the big boys in the round of 16. Right, I’m off for a lie down. You, though, should join Scott Murray for Basel v Liverpool and/or Jacob Steinberg for Arsenal v Galatasaray. From me, it’s cheerio! 6.51pm BST18:51 Peep! Peeeep!! PEEEP!!! The end. 6.51pm BST18:51 90+4 min: At all. 6.49pm BST18:49 90+3 min: Happens. 6.48pm BST18:48 90+2 min: Much. 6.48pm BST18:48 90+1 min: Nothing. 6.47pm BST18:47 90 min: Four minutes of added time to play. 6.47pm BST18:47 90 min: Criscito crosses deep, Smolnikov tries to get on the end of it, Subasic collects. 6.45pm BST18:45 88 min: Andrey Arshavin – remember him? – replaces Anyukov for the final couple of minutes. 6.44pm BST18:44 87 min: “Good to see the ‘Key Events’ is keeping pace with the action,” writes Dr Hyde, “Preamble and The teams being the only entries with 85mins played.” That’s actually a very neat, and entirely accurate, summation of every single key event so far. 6.42pm BST18:42 85 min: “In all my years of covering Champions League football,” says Don Goodman on commentary, “this has been one of the lowest quality games.” Can’t argue with that. It has been dire. 6.40pm BST18:40 83 min: Dirar goes into the book for a late clunk on Criscito. 6.39pm BST18:39 82 min: … Kerzhakov slams it into the wall then Kerzhakovs the rebound miles over the bar. Updated at 6.39pm BST 6.38pm BST18:38 81 min: A clever flick from Kerzhakov gets Hulk away once more. He bounces off defenders and eventually wins a free-kick of Fabinho, who goes into the book. Dangerous this … 6.36pm BST18:36 79 min: Ocampos goes off, and Germain does indeed come on. 6.36pm BST18:36 78 min: Lombaerts again gets on the end of a Zenit corner, but again his effort is straight at Subasic. 6.35pm BST18:35 77 min: A bloodied Carvalho is set to continue, while the Philippa Booth-approved Germain is about to enter the fray. 6.33pm BST18:33 76 min: Kerzhakov’s first action is to lash a vicious volley straight into Carvalho’s face. That looked painful. 6.33pm BST18:33 75 min: Rondon trudges off and Kerzhakov, friend of the Guardian, comes on. 6.31pm BST18:31 73 min: Out of nowhere, Carrasco hits the post! He got free down the right channel and thumped a shot at goal. Lodygin saved with his feet but the substitute picked up the loose ball, drove the ball across goal and it clipped the outside of the upright. 6.29pm BST18:29 72 min: I’d describe this as a lull. If the last hour had not also been a lull. 6.27pm BST18:27 70 min: … from which Carvalho commits a foul. The set-pieces tonight have been nothing short of atrocious. 6.26pm BST18:26 69 min: A terrific run from Fabinho takes the Monaco right-back past two challenges. His eventual shot deflects away for a corner … 6.24pm BST18:24 67 min: So AVB has switched to a back three, with Anyukov tucked in alongside Garay and Lombaerts. 6.23pm BST18:23 66 min: The anonymous Shatov goes off to be replaced by Smolnikov. 6.22pm BST18:22 65 min: Lombaerts climbs highest in the box but he plants his header straight at Subasic from close range. 6.21pm BST18:21 64 min: … Hulk whips it in dangerously, but a Monaco boot pokes behind for a corner. 6.20pm BST18:20 63 min: Zenit’s fans are doing their best to get the team going. And the home side have won a dangerous free-kick … 6.20pm BST18:20 62 min: Dirar finds a yard or two of space down the right and gets to the byline. His cross, though, is floated to the vacant back post area. And there’s a foul in the middle anyhow. 6.18pm BST18:18 60 min: Danny looks to get Zenit away on the break but Toulalan has enough pace to snuff out the danger. Neither captain has played particularly well tonight, Danny in particular has been poor. 6.16pm BST18:16 58 min: Pass, pass, pass from Zenit. Pass, pass, pass. Pass, pass, give the ball away cheaply, win it back, pass, pass, pass. It’s all a little lacking in urgency and direction at the moment. 6.13pm BST18:13 56 min: Fayzulin finds Anyukov out on the right and he fires in low bouncing cross at Rondon, who can only poke his tame effort wide at the front post. Better from Zenit, though. 6.11pm BST18:11 54 min: Hulk lets fly with a free-kick from 40-odd yards. It’s comfortably over the bar. 6.10pm BST18:10 53 min: Speaking of Berbatov, here’s Philippa Booth: “I went to see Montpellier v Monaco last week, and while Berbatov might look suave and disinterested, he managed to throw an epic tantrum at the ref about the placement of the ball for a freekick, and only narrowly avoided getting booked. Turns out that ‘imaginary foam’ only really works if the ref marks the position before the attacking team have moved the ball. “Watch out for Valere Germain coming on as sub, he’s a one-man sorting-stuff-out machine, which Monaco very much need right now. Scored the winner against Montpellier in injury time, which irked me, but still. Cracking player.” 6.09pm BST18:09 52 min: Berbatov is replaced by Yannick Ferreira-Carrasco. Ocampos moves into the middle. 6.08pm BST18:08 51 min: Chance for Rondon! Fayzulin, who has barely had a kick, pinches the ball in Monaco territory and finds Hulk. He batters his way past Raggi and pulls the ball back for the Venezuelan, who can’t quite sort his feet out and can only plop a weak shot straight at Subasic. 6.07pm BST18:07 49 min: Danny flops to the turf. Monaco throw-in. 6.06pm BST18:06 48 min: Hot potato possession. 6.04pm BST18:04 46 min: Moutinho lofts an optimistic ball in the general direction of Hulk, but the Brazil forward does well and Zenit quickly have the ball back. They were very one-paced in the first-half – perhaps that quicker ball over the top was a signal of intent. 6.02pm BST18:02 Peep! Off we go again then. Both sides need to step it up this half – the game is there for the taking really, and a win for either side will take them a long, long way towards the last 16. Not that you’d expect them to get past that stage, but still. 5.57pm BST17:57 An email! It’s an email! “Invoking the spirit of Eeyore in your preamble reminded me of one of my great bugbears,” writes Matt Dony. “Everyone thinks of him as loveably grumpy because of the laconic, drawly Disney malarky. Kind of how I see Berbatov. Going back to the original books, however, he was just mean-spirited and cantankerous. I can’t see why any of the others would have wanted to help him find his tail. Leave him suffer. He’s a massive jerk. (I may have unreasonably strong feelings on this ...)” 5.46pm BST17:46 PEEP! PEEP!! Mark Clattenburg puts the Zenit fans in the stadium out of their misery. For 15 minutes at least. 5.46pm BST17:46 45 min: There’ll be just one minute of added time. Which, frankly, is a bit of a relief. 5.44pm BST17:44 44 min: Fine save from Lodygin! Kurzawa gets himself back in the game with another whipped cross from the left. The defensive header drops out to Ocampos, who tests the keeper with a decent strike. Corner … claimed by Lodygin. 5.43pm BST17:43 42 min: After a thrilling opening 10 minutes, this has been, to put it in Sportspeak, Very Ordinary. 5.42pm BST17:42 41 min: Danny delivers the ball to Berbatov with a shocking cross-field ball in his own half. Monaco work the ball to Ocampos, who fires high and wide from distance. 5.39pm BST17:39 40 min: … and Carvalho fouls Criscito in the box. Attack over. 5.39pm BST17:39 39 min: Dirar fizzes in a low cross but Javi Garcia is there to make the interception. Corner … 5.38pm BST17:38 38 min: The sensibly-booted Toulalan goes into the book for, dare I say it, sensibly booting Danny as Zenit look to break. 5.37pm BST17:37 36 min: Ocampos goes down on the edge of the box, arms a-flailing. Clattenburg shakes his head and moves on. Although the replays suggest the Monaco man might well have been tripped. 5.36pm BST17:36 35 min: It’s all Zenit now, but they’re not exactly going through Monaco like a hot knife through butter. It’s more a thudding continual thwack of a wooden spoon on a tub of Lurpak spreadable. 5.34pm BST17:34 33 min: Zenit play a few triangles on the right. Anyukov’s eventual cross takes a flick off Carvalho and bobbles safely to Subasic. 5.32pm BST17:32 31 min: “But I’ve brought you the Mis-hit Pass of Shatov …” 5.31pm BST17:31 30 min: … which Danny scuffs to the near post. It’s not cleared fully though and as it bobbles back in it only just evades the swinging boot of Rondon. Which sounds a little like a MacGuffin in a sci-fi film. “Yes, Lord Varkenparp, only the Swinging Boot of Rondon can bring peace to the galaxy …” 5.29pm BST17:29 29 min: Zenit win their first corner … 5.28pm BST17:28 28 min: Foul. Loose ball. Foul. Poor control. Rinse. Repeat. 5.27pm BST17:27 26 min: Hulk beats two men with a clever turn on the right. Then loses the ball in a great muddle of stepovers. Then wins it back. Then watches it trundle out for a goal-kick. 5.25pm BST17:25 25 min: Hulk goes on another one of those juggernaut runs to get Zenit on the front foot, but his team-mates slow the break down and Monaco are able to get back into shape. 5.22pm BST17:22 23 min: Moutinho whips in a free-kick but it’s a) too close to the keeper and b) irrelevant because Berbatov has fouled his marker in the box. 5.22pm BST17:22 22 min: Kurzawa, the best player on the pitch thus far, whips in a cross which Lodygin does well to claim. 5.21pm BST17:21 21 min: After a rollicking start this has all got a little stodgy. Monaco are still seeing the bulk of the possession, but the threat they carried earlier has faded somewhat. Zenit have offered absolutely nothing in truth, and have been thoroughly sloppy with the ball. 5.20pm BST17:20 19 min: Berbatov laconically pokes in a cross from the right edge of the box. Anyukov deals with it in no-nonsense fashion. 5.18pm BST17:18 18 min: Hulk is hobbling a little here. 5.17pm BST17:17 16 min: In a world of garish footwear … My new favourite player - Toulalan for Monaco wearing the best boots ever #adidascopamundials pic.twitter.com/dMeK4tYGz8 5.15pm BST17:15 14 min: Hulk gets in the way of a pass out to the right that would’ve had Anyukov running in beyond Carvalho. Goal kick. And Hulk, who was giving out to his team-mates after being ignored a minute or two ago, has the good grace to look a tiny bit sheepish. 5.13pm BST17:13 13 min: Zenit seem to have woken from their slumber and are pressing forward a little more now. 5.11pm BST17:11 11 min: Kurzawa, who has been a constant presence on the edge of the Zenit box despite starting at left-back, wins a corner off Anyukov. Lodygin, though, punches the set piece clear. 5.10pm BST17:10 10 min: Hulk picks up a loose pass on the edge of his own area then rumbles forward like the Brazilian boulder that he is. Eventually the ball is worked to Danny, but the Zenit captain (and Champion of the World) cuts inside and blasts over. 5.08pm BST17:08 8 min: Moutinho whips in the set-piece and finds Ocampos at the near post, but he is very wayward with what actually was a decent chance. Zenit simply haven’t got started. 5.07pm BST17:07 7 min: Dirar goes down under Criscito’s challenge and wins a free-kick. It was a high boot from the Italian that caught the Monaco man in the chest – he’ll need some work from the magic sponge. 5.06pm BST17:06 6 min: Monaco continue to monopolise possession, but Berbatov can’t bring a bobbling low cross under his spell on the edge of the box. 5.04pm BST17:04 4 min: Dirar Karate Kids an effort at goal from distance, but it dips narrowly over Lodygin’s bar. This is turning into a very shaky start from the home side. 5.04pm BST17:04 3 min: Fantastic save from Lodygin! Ocampos and Kurzawa combine neatly down the Monaco left, with the former getting to the byline and pulling back for Berbatov, whose first-time effort from six yards out is superbly tipped away by the keeper. 5.02pm BST17:02 2 min: Finally a little order breaks out. Zenit construct a brief attack that founders on the edge of the Monaco box, while the French side also get chance stroke the ball around for the first time. 5.01pm BST17:01 1 min: A scrappy start. Both on the pitch, where the teams have exchanged possession almost continually. And here in Guardian Towers, where I have squirted myself in the eye with tangerine juice. 5.00pm BST17:00 Peep! Referee Mark Clattenburg gets us under way. 4.58pm BST16:58 The teams are in the tunnel. And out they come into the Petrovsky Stadium, which, fact fans, is one of the closest-to-water football grounds in the world. Being, as it is, in the middle of the Neva river. 4.40pm BST16:40 Lies, damn lies, etc. Despite the troubles at Monaco their starting line-up boasts more than 200 appearances in the Champions League. Which is good. The problem is that a quartet of players – Toulalan, Moutinho, Berbatov and Carvalho – have made almost all of them. The other seven in the starting XI in St Petersburg all made their Champions League debuts against Leverkusen a couple of weeks ago. Still, that went fairly well for them. So the point is … I don’t really know what the point is. Updated at 4.42pm BST 4.33pm BST16:33 Some tweets! Locker room before tonight's big #UCL match with @AS_Monaco #ZenitMonaco It's go time (almost)!! #Zenitvpered pic.twitter.com/c081Z7kaAj Remplaçants:Stekelenburg, Wallace, @EldersonEch , @TimoeB08 , Carrasco, @ValereGermain , @BernardoCSilva #ZENASM #UCL pic.twitter.com/YiHY3Utfxr 4.20pm BST16:20 The teams Zenit (4-2-3-1): Lodygin; Anyukov, Garay, Lombaerts, Criscito; Javi Garcia, Fayzulin; Hulk, Shatov, Danny; Rondon. Subs: Malafeev, Luis Neto, Smolnikov, Mogilevets, Tymoshchuk, Arshavin, Kerzhakov. Monaco (4-3-3): Subasic; Fabinho, Raggi, Carvalho, Kurzawa; Kondogbia, Toulalan, Moutinho; Dirar, Berbatov, Oscampos. Subs: Stekelenburg, Wallace, Elderson, Bakayoko, Bernardo Silva, Ferreira-Carrasco, Germain. 4.04pm BST16:04 Preamble Afternoon all. Monaco coach Leonardo Jardim was in Eeyore-esque mood in his pre-match press conference: The weather conditions are great for this match – not too cold and not too hot. I have watched Zenit and studied the team. I know their players who played in Portugal. They are a powerful team who play attacking football. They will stick to their guns, but you cannot attack for a whole match, so we have a chance. As rousing inspirational speeches go “the weather should be OK and the opposition cannot attack for the whole match” isn’t quite up there with “We’ll fight them on the beaches” or “Once more unto the breach”. But you can see why Jardim is feeling cautious. Zenit are unbeaten in their last 14 games, during which they’ve won 13 times and drawn just the once. His Monaco side lost at home to Nice at the weekend, leaving them adrift in mid-table with just 10 points from eight games, while their opponents came back from Rostov with a 5-0 win and a four-point lead at the top of the Russian Premier League. And on three previous trips to Russia Monaco have lost twice and drawn once. On the bright side, Jardim’s team squeaked a 1-0 win over Leverkusen in their opening group game, which is no mean result. Unfortunately Zenit were equally impressive in beating Benfica 2-0 in Lisbon. Kick off: 5pm BST. |