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Plop horror: rock's most shocking toilet-related incidents Plop horror: rock's most shocking toilet-related incidents
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While it’s probably a matter of exaggeration to say that everyone remembers where they were the day that the Dave Matthews Band mistakenly dumped 360kg of human excrement on to an unsuspecting tourist boat, it’s certainly true to say that some people remember: namely, the people on the aforementioned tourist boat. Ask any of them where they were 10 years ago this Friday, 8 August, when the Dave Matthews Band dumped 360kg of human excrement off a Chicago bridge, only for it to land on a tourist boat, and it’s almost guaranteed that they will tell you: “On that tourist boat” (arguably in a less polite manner). It is, after all, rather difficult to forget where you were when 360kg of the Dave Matthews Band’s poo landed on your head.While it’s probably a matter of exaggeration to say that everyone remembers where they were the day that the Dave Matthews Band mistakenly dumped 360kg of human excrement on to an unsuspecting tourist boat, it’s certainly true to say that some people remember: namely, the people on the aforementioned tourist boat. Ask any of them where they were 10 years ago this Friday, 8 August, when the Dave Matthews Band dumped 360kg of human excrement off a Chicago bridge, only for it to land on a tourist boat, and it’s almost guaranteed that they will tell you: “On that tourist boat” (arguably in a less polite manner). It is, after all, rather difficult to forget where you were when 360kg of the Dave Matthews Band’s poo landed on your head.
Like bass and drums, or Mick’n’Keef, the Dave Matthews Band and human excrement are now likely to be inextricably linked in rock’n’roll history, and many would argue they were, even before this historic event. But the band shouldn’t be dismayed by this connection; after all, we’re remembering it a full decade on, which is more than we can do for any of their actual songs. Instead, they should take heart from it. As the following five examples prove, a well-executed poo episode can be an important step in a band’s career.Like bass and drums, or Mick’n’Keef, the Dave Matthews Band and human excrement are now likely to be inextricably linked in rock’n’roll history, and many would argue they were, even before this historic event. But the band shouldn’t be dismayed by this connection; after all, we’re remembering it a full decade on, which is more than we can do for any of their actual songs. Instead, they should take heart from it. As the following five examples prove, a well-executed poo episode can be an important step in a band’s career.
Fat White Family get a crap riderFat White Family get a crap rider
Fat White Family have never looked like the kind of band you’d want to sniff too closely, but just be thankful you didn’t encounter them at their recent gig in Sheffield. According to an interview in this month’s Q magazine, their rider was so pitiful – “£2.50 worth of drinks” – that frontman Lias Saoudi staged his own dirty protest. “I covered myself in the my own shit,” he said, proving himself clearly to be a man who deals only in pure logic and reason. “It was great, it was like having your own force field.” I can only imagine it was, Lias. Fat White Family have never looked like the kind of band you’d want to sniff too closely, but just be thankful you didn’t encounter them at their recent gig in Sheffield. According to an interview in this month’s Q magazine, their rider was so pitiful – “£2.50 worth of drinks” – that frontman Lias Saoudi staged his own dirty protest. “I covered myself in my own shit,” he said, proving himself clearly to be a man who deals only in pure logic and reason. “It was great, it was like having your own force field.” I can only imagine it was, Lias.
Dillinger Escape Plan throw poop at their own audienceDillinger Escape Plan throw poop at their own audience
Everyone likes a band who have a fancy stage trick. For the Hives, it’s simultaneously freezing on stage together mid-song. For the Flaming Sideburns, it’s getting every member of the audience to sit down. In keeping with this noble lineage, Greg Puciato from the Dillinger Escape Plan used his 2002 Reading festival slot to take a dump in a plastic bag and hurl it into the crowd. I guess it’s possible to argue that he’d been learning that one since he was a baby.Everyone likes a band who have a fancy stage trick. For the Hives, it’s simultaneously freezing on stage together mid-song. For the Flaming Sideburns, it’s getting every member of the audience to sit down. In keeping with this noble lineage, Greg Puciato from the Dillinger Escape Plan used his 2002 Reading festival slot to take a dump in a plastic bag and hurl it into the crowd. I guess it’s possible to argue that he’d been learning that one since he was a baby.
Selfish Cunt hurl horseshit at the Whitechapel indie sceneSelfish Cunt hurl horseshit at the Whitechapel indie scene
It is with some matter of pride that I can say “I was there” at that fateful incident in 2004 when Selfish Cunt’s Martin Tomlinson picked up handfuls of horse poo outside Buckingham Palace and started hurling it at his fellow musicians, who had innocently gathered there for an NME photoshoot. What a life I got to lead, eh readers? Looking back fondly on this event, it’s possible now to argue that Tomlinson was doing most of them a favour – from the look of them it was the nearest thing they’d had to a shower all year.It is with some matter of pride that I can say “I was there” at that fateful incident in 2004 when Selfish Cunt’s Martin Tomlinson picked up handfuls of horse poo outside Buckingham Palace and started hurling it at his fellow musicians, who had innocently gathered there for an NME photoshoot. What a life I got to lead, eh readers? Looking back fondly on this event, it’s possible now to argue that Tomlinson was doing most of them a favour – from the look of them it was the nearest thing they’d had to a shower all year.
GG Allin smears entire venue with his own shitGG Allin smears entire venue with his own shit
Arguably rock’s premier crapper – a title all budding rock idols must surely aspire to – punk legend GG Allin would have no doubt watched Dillinger Escape Plan’s 2002 Reading show and muttered: “Part timers”. As this great personal account reveals, Allin’s first brush with the brown occurred in 1985 at Creve Coeur, which started when Allin reportedly ate an entire box of Ex-Lax on the bus trip from Chicago, with consequences come showtime. “The pungent whiff of pungent punk-rock poo blasted my nostrils,” writes attendee Bob Gordon. “I mean, crap was everywhere! Floor, GG, chairs, microphone. What fans were left ran for the door holding their noses.” Eventually the police were called and Allin – smeared in his own faeces – was “shooed out the door like a muddy dog” Arguably rock’s premier crapper – a title all budding rock idols must surely aspire to – punk legend GG Allin would have no doubt watched Dillinger Escape Plan’s 2002 Reading show and muttered: “Part timers.” As this great personal account reveals, Allin’s first brush with the brown occurred in 1985 at Creve Coeur, which started when Allin reportedly ate an entire box of Ex-Lax on the bus trip from Chicago, with consequences come showtime. “The pungent whiff of pungent punk-rock poo blasted my nostrils,” writes attendee Bob Gordon. “I mean, crap was everywhere! Floor, GG, chairs, microphone. What fans were left ran for the door holding their noses.” Eventually the police were called and Allin – smeared in his own faeces – was “shooed out the door like a muddy dog”.
Keep a safe distance from Faith No MoreKeep a safe distance from Faith No More
Faith No More’s Mike Patton seems to be drawn to faeces like a fly to … um, well, you get the picture. “I don’t use toilets, I just don’t,” he apparently said in 1992. “It’s not a wild rock’n’roll thing, it’s a hobby. Shit terrorism.” A year earlier he told Kerrang! that a favoured hotel hobby of his was to defecate, roll it into a ball, then stuff it into a hairdryer so the next guest would get a blast of “hot shit in their face”. Add this to the story of him defecating into an orange juice carton, sealing it back up and putting it in a vending machine on Axl Rose’s tourbus … then add that to the story of him pooing on a bench outside Kensington Palace … well, what you get is a journalist who really, really needs to stop writing this blog immediately.Faith No More’s Mike Patton seems to be drawn to faeces like a fly to … um, well, you get the picture. “I don’t use toilets, I just don’t,” he apparently said in 1992. “It’s not a wild rock’n’roll thing, it’s a hobby. Shit terrorism.” A year earlier he told Kerrang! that a favoured hotel hobby of his was to defecate, roll it into a ball, then stuff it into a hairdryer so the next guest would get a blast of “hot shit in their face”. Add this to the story of him defecating into an orange juice carton, sealing it back up and putting it in a vending machine on Axl Rose’s tourbus … then add that to the story of him pooing on a bench outside Kensington Palace … well, what you get is a journalist who really, really needs to stop writing this blog immediately.