Katie Price fans rejoice: a movie about her ex's cheating could be imminent
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Version 0 of 1. And so to the ongoing saga of Katie Price and her errant husband Kieran Hayler. You may recall that last time we checked in chez Jordan, the perfidious Kieran had been forced to take a lie-detector test by his wife. It was subsequently reported that he had attempted to cheat the polygraph by drinking a lot of Red Bull in the belief that it would make his heart beat faster – and that New! magazine had felt impelled to draft in a psychologist to decode the meanings hidden within Price's gnomic tweets regarding the woman he was alleged to have had an affair with: "Jane Pountney is a baggy fanny" etc, etc. Since then, there have been further developments, not least the allegation that Kieran also had an affair with another woman, an ice-cream sales rep called Chrissy Thomas. "Katie's mum, Amy, is worried," reports the gossip mags' old pal A Close Source. "She thinks she needs to address his betrayal and let it all out." Lost in Showbiz can only agree. How long can Price keep her true feelings regarding Kieran's infidelities bottled up, shunning the media spotlight, declining to give interviews in which she refers to her husband as "crafty", "dirty" and "a compulsive sex addict", preferring instead to coyly skirt around the issue once more on Twitter. "Hope WALLS ice cream keep eye on Chrissy slut Thomas she is also shagging a married worker whom got married within past year and has 1 child," she wrote, last week, the very model of decorous silence. "When Chrissy slut Thomas drove up in lorry to Scotland with him few months ago they stayed night had sex all night." "I hope anyone who still wants to be friends with Jane whore Pountney now realizes she is not loyal who will open her legs to 2 UR husbands." "That's me done for the night! TV time tea and biscuits with my family, have good evening everyone x." For the love of God, woman, enough with this carapace of silent stoicism and repression. Let it out! Let it out! Happily, another report offers a silver lining, claiming that Price is "already on track to make £5m from Kieran's cheating secrets". Lost in Showbiz's heart is lifted, only to leap into its throat at what comes next: she "could sell the film rights for £2m". Jane Pountney is a Baggy Fanny: The Movie. Lost in Showbiz is so excited it confesses it doesn't know what to do first: vanish into a reverie imagining the meeting at which said film is pitched by a top director – it's thinking Terrence Malick – or ring the multiplex and reserve seats right away. |