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Fifty Shades of Grey trailer review: through a glass, daftly Fifty Shades of Grey trailer: through a glass, daftly
(about 20 hours later)
The first Fifty Shades of Grey trailer is here. Well, the first official Fifty Shades of Grey trailer, at least – ever since the film was announced, YouTube has slowly become riddled with hundreds of fan-made Fifty Shades of Grey trailers, all of them exclusively consisting of clips from Secretary set to My Heart Will Go On. But this one's official.The first Fifty Shades of Grey trailer is here. Well, the first official Fifty Shades of Grey trailer, at least – ever since the film was announced, YouTube has slowly become riddled with hundreds of fan-made Fifty Shades of Grey trailers, all of them exclusively consisting of clips from Secretary set to My Heart Will Go On. But this one's official.
For Fifty Shades of Grey fans, this trailer is a big deal. It answers questions like "Will it be as dirty as the book?" "Will Jamie Dornan be a better Christian Grey than Charlie Humman?" and "How many times will Dakota Johnson say 'Holy crap' out loud before she becomes genuinely unbearable?" But for newcomers, it offers a chance to tell the story of Fifty Shades of Grey. Here is that story.For Fifty Shades of Grey fans, this trailer is a big deal. It answers questions like "Will it be as dirty as the book?" "Will Jamie Dornan be a better Christian Grey than Charlie Humman?" and "How many times will Dakota Johnson say 'Holy crap' out loud before she becomes genuinely unbearable?" But for newcomers, it offers a chance to tell the story of Fifty Shades of Grey. Here is that story.
Meet Anastasia Steele. She's a timid introvert who burrows herself away from adventures. She avoids making eye contact with anyone and seems to be genuinely intimidated by the interior of lifts. However, all of this changes when she meets … Meet Anastasia Steele. She's a timid introvert who burrows herself away from adventures. She avoids making eye contact with anyone and seems to be genuinely intimidated by the interior of lifts. However, all of this changes when she meets … 
Christian Grey, a powerful businessman who probably doesn't want to remind you of Donald Trump and yet somehow does anyway.Christian Grey, a powerful businessman who probably doesn't want to remind you of Donald Trump and yet somehow does anyway.
However, there's also something missing from Christian Grey's life. This is why he's spent the entirety of the trailer so far staring mournfully through bits of glass. The sensible solution to this would probably be a nice visit to an aquarium. But instead he picks…However, there's also something missing from Christian Grey's life. This is why he's spent the entirety of the trailer so far staring mournfully through bits of glass. The sensible solution to this would probably be a nice visit to an aquarium. But instead he picks…
Anastasia. Perhaps it's a shared physical attraction, or perhaps it's the unstoppably seductive appeal of bad jazz posters that look like they've been made as part of a toddler's first introduction to 20-year-old clipart software, but either way they fall for each other.Anastasia. Perhaps it's a shared physical attraction, or perhaps it's the unstoppably seductive appeal of bad jazz posters that look like they've been made as part of a toddler's first introduction to 20-year-old clipart software, but either way they fall for each other.
Slowly, Christian and Anastasia learn to help each other. He helps her overcome her innate mousiness, for instance, and she helps him transition from staring mournfully through bits of glass to staring mournfully near bits of glass. They're the perfect couple.Slowly, Christian and Anastasia learn to help each other. He helps her overcome her innate mousiness, for instance, and she helps him transition from staring mournfully through bits of glass to staring mournfully near bits of glass. They're the perfect couple.
He even makes her a little more sexually adventurous. Look at her, exposing her thigh at the dinner table like that. Christian's embarrassed by this, which is why he tries to cover her up here.He even makes her a little more sexually adventurous. Look at her, exposing her thigh at the dinner table like that. Christian's embarrassed by this, which is why he tries to cover her up here.
But then again, he also likes walking around without a top on, possibly because he deliberately wants to break Tumblr. Perhaps they're both as bad as each other.But then again, he also likes walking around without a top on, possibly because he deliberately wants to break Tumblr. Perhaps they're both as bad as each other.
One day, Christian even takes Anastasia gliding. Yes, it's still a hobby that involves looking through bits of glass, but Anastasia lets it go because Christian has turned her world upside down. He's literally turned her world upside down. Literally. It's a terrible metaphor, but Anastasia doesn't really mind that either. She's in love!One day, Christian even takes Anastasia gliding. Yes, it's still a hobby that involves looking through bits of glass, but Anastasia lets it go because Christian has turned her world upside down. He's literally turned her world upside down. Literally. It's a terrible metaphor, but Anastasia doesn't really mind that either. She's in love!
However, Christian Grey has a secret. A personal fetish that keeps him one step removed from the rest of the world. It's a dangerous, hard-to-understand fetish that he hardly tells anyone. But Anastasia is special. Anastasia understands. So Christian takes her by the hand and unlocks his special fetish room. This is where she discovers his secret.However, Christian Grey has a secret. A personal fetish that keeps him one step removed from the rest of the world. It's a dangerous, hard-to-understand fetish that he hardly tells anyone. But Anastasia is special. Anastasia understands. So Christian takes her by the hand and unlocks his special fetish room. This is where she discovers his secret.
That's right, Christian Grey is sexually aroused by the idea of recreating Body of Evidence, the terrible early-90s erotic thriller that probably signalled the lowest point of Madonna's entire career, in its grotty entirety. It's a disgusting fetish, but Anastasia joins in. This cannot possibly end well for anyone.That's right, Christian Grey is sexually aroused by the idea of recreating Body of Evidence, the terrible early-90s erotic thriller that probably signalled the lowest point of Madonna's entire career, in its grotty entirety. It's a disgusting fetish, but Anastasia joins in. This cannot possibly end well for anyone.