Rick Perry is the Republican Joe Biden. This is the real gaffe-master's moment

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jul/23/rick-perry-republican-joe-biden-gaffe-moment

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Amongst even my peers in Texas, it has become acceptable – hip, even – to espouse one's love for a member of the same sex. But I've learned that there are limits to said acceptance: Loving Texas killers like Bernie Tiede (the titular character of Bernie, starring Jack Black) is fine; telling friends with a straight face that Rick Perry is hot-to-trot, politically speaking, is not.

My beloved governor is back in the national news partly because he made a recent trip to Iowa with the hopes of maybe running again for president and – more importantly – with the intention of getting 1,000 national guard troops sent to the border. The national media said the latter was a half-craven attempt to shore up support for the former. Perry is, you see, an automatic punching bag, no matter what he does.

It shouldn't have to be this way.

For instance, liberal Democrats have a Rick Perry-like mascot who is much beloved: his name is Joe Biden. But the liberal press treats him like a slight-dotty favorite uncle and maybe even a legitimate presidential contender, while they make Perry out to be the slightly unhinged neighbor and "performance art".

Ricky is my Uncle Joe. He deserves the same respect as our walking, talking occasional comedy interlude of a vice president who gets taken seriously for being – or despite being – so off-the-cuff.

For starters, Ricky's not just better looking than Joe, but, if I may, an impossibly handsome man in general: the mere sight of our governor arouses in me a savage patriotism – and I'm not alone. That chiseled and worn face is of classic cowboy stock, the weary, sweat-soaked Texas Ranger on the cover of your mom's romance novels. Joe Biden, on the other hand, represents ... Delawarean chic?

Others may pretend that they don't know what I'm talking about. They're lying. There's no other way, for instance, to explain the fascination with Perry's new eyewear. The frames made their debut in August of last year and it seems like everyone has an opinion. He was trying to look smarter for another presidential run, said many. A "West Coast metrosexual", said our state's own land commissioner. "Who Wore It Better?" asked Buzzfeed. Answer: No one did. No one could.

Cooler than Joe Biden in sun glasses RT @BuzzFeedFood: FROZEN YOGURT: Cool or Uncool? pic.twitter.com/BrVLiheBoY

Biden does not give off anything close to Ricky's sexy, Clark Kent vibe with his ever-present aviators – but the same critics side-eyeing Perry's nearsightedness fawn over Biden's shades in slideshow after slideshow, let alone gifs! Come on, people: nothing says "uncool" like the Egghead-in-Chief coaxing a crowd to applaud by saying, "Joe looks cool in those glasses, too, doesn't he?".

(On a related note, you know who wears sunglasses inside? People who should've stayed outside.)

Even Biden's rhetorical flubs – which, admittedly, are mesmerizing dadaist poems with the kinetic frenzy of a Kozachok dance – get a free pass while my Ricky's do not. The list of gaffes for both is numerous.

"This is a big fucking deal" was Joe's most enduring slip, a caught-on-mic utterance during the signing of Obamacare. It's now become, with a wink and a smile, part of the American lexicon.

Ricky's contribution, his "oops" during the 2012 Republican debates, is now the mocking shorthand for supposed stupidity. But the Uncle Ricky fan club knows better. His gaffe is America's gaffe, and it is the American people's gaffe. It's rare in life, especially life in this economy, that one can proudly declare with a toothy grin that "this is a big fucking deal". Rather, it's our failures, often in public, that mostly dog us in our everyday lives. Brushing them all off with a let's-move-on-now "oops" is as close to a zen mantra as Americans will ever get. Emblazoned t-shirts should be sold in every store. Plus maybe some painkillers.

I don't begrudge Uncle Joe his place in American political life, though. I celebrate the reality that both he and Ricky are part of the 2016 conversation like I do any discussion of Texas-style pulled pork vs Texas BBQ brisket – one might be better, but life would be meaningless without both. The same goes for our respective political mascots. We need them to inject something a little different, a little wacky, into the normally stale political landscape. Otherwise we'd be stuck with guys like Rick Santorum or Dennis Kucinich, who were more ugly caricatures than loveable, sexy goofballs.

Despite his gaffe-prone nature and warnings to American travelers to stay away from planes, Biden is, by many accounts, a foreign policy maestro. The media might portray Perry as a dumb sabre-rattler, but it takes more than luck to be the nation's longest-serving governor.

If it comes to another presidential race, God willing, I'd hope people would show as much respect and love for Uncle Ricky as they do now for Uncle Joe. Imagine! If enough Perry-lovers come out of the woodwork and The New Yorker is right, there might be a time in the near future when America's favorite elected politicians could go head-to-head in a nationally televised debate. It would be an epic, devastatingly hilarious battle on the scale of Godzilla and Mothra. It would, in short, be a Big Fucking Oops.