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| Secrets of New York's real estate agents: 'All apartments are basically four walls' | |
| (about 1 hour later) | |
| There’s a moment in almost every hunt for an apartment – usually just after the agent assures you the shoebox you’re looking at is “massive space for the money!” – when you come to suspect the employee is reciting this from some sort of manual. | There’s a moment in almost every hunt for an apartment – usually just after the agent assures you the shoebox you’re looking at is “massive space for the money!” – when you come to suspect the employee is reciting this from some sort of manual. |
| Well, suspect no more: they definitely are. The Guardian has seen the training manual issued to new agents at a New York real estate broker (thanks to it being, well, left in my apartment) and it confirms almost every suspicion you’ve ever said about the overly friendly guy guiding you through one of the biggest decisions you'll make. (The Guardian is not naming the company, to save its corporate blushes.) | |
| The document covers everything from dress code – “You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure” – to crafting adverts, how to talk on the phone, sealing the deal, tackling those tricky questions from clients, and even when it’s permissible to take a client to bed. Let’s take it step by step. | The document covers everything from dress code – “You cannot climb the ladder of success dressed in the costume of failure” – to crafting adverts, how to talk on the phone, sealing the deal, tackling those tricky questions from clients, and even when it’s permissible to take a client to bed. Let’s take it step by step. |
| The adverts | The adverts |
| If you’ve ever struggled to find an actual one-bed apartment, rather than a studio, in any major city, you’ll know that distinguishing the two in the online listings is a challenge. That’s not an accident – this company tells its new agents “for all studios ads put 'One bedroom' in the box and then specify that apartment is a studio, or alcove in the title of body of the ad.” | If you’ve ever struggled to find an actual one-bed apartment, rather than a studio, in any major city, you’ll know that distinguishing the two in the online listings is a challenge. That’s not an accident – this company tells its new agents “for all studios ads put 'One bedroom' in the box and then specify that apartment is a studio, or alcove in the title of body of the ad.” |
| Otherwise, the advice tends towards the kind of phrasing you only ever see in apartment listings. Suggested phrases for new agents include “This is a real loft!!!” (as opposed to what, exactly?); “Real-size rooms” (same question); “This is the one your [sic] looking for” (we’ll see) and “This is a TV apartment”, accompanied by a picture of Monica’s apartment from Friends. Can we afford it with a barista’s paycheck, though? | Otherwise, the advice tends towards the kind of phrasing you only ever see in apartment listings. Suggested phrases for new agents include “This is a real loft!!!” (as opposed to what, exactly?); “Real-size rooms” (same question); “This is the one your [sic] looking for” (we’ll see) and “This is a TV apartment”, accompanied by a picture of Monica’s apartment from Friends. Can we afford it with a barista’s paycheck, though? |
| The rest of the advice to agents centers around making New York’s many, many studios sound even halfway appealing. The two top phrases: “This studio is bigger than any one-bedroom for this price”, and “This studio is an alcove – you can easily put up a wall”. | |
| Maybe the most interesting bit is the suggested price ranges for each area in Manhattan – one of the most expensive rental markets in the US – suggesting what represents the low or high end of the market in each area. | Maybe the most interesting bit is the suggested price ranges for each area in Manhattan – one of the most expensive rental markets in the US – suggesting what represents the low or high end of the market in each area. |
| If you're paying $1,900 to $2,300 for a West Village studio, for example, you're at the low end of the price brackets – the high end is $2,395 to $2,750. The price ceiling for a one-bed in Soho or Tribeca, the guide suggests, is $3,500. Further north, that should get you much more – a two-bed in the Upper East Side should rent for $2,500 to $2,900 at the low end, or $2,900 to $3,200 at the top end. How's your rent looking now? | If you're paying $1,900 to $2,300 for a West Village studio, for example, you're at the low end of the price brackets – the high end is $2,395 to $2,750. The price ceiling for a one-bed in Soho or Tribeca, the guide suggests, is $3,500. Further north, that should get you much more – a two-bed in the Upper East Side should rent for $2,500 to $2,900 at the low end, or $2,900 to $3,200 at the top end. How's your rent looking now? |
| The phone call | The phone call |
| So, you’ve accepted the inevitable and picked up the phone to call a real estate agent. The training documents make it clear that he now has one goal and one goal only: get you into the office, where he can extract all the info (and eventually the fee) he’s after. | |
| Most of the document is sales talk that should seem familiar, from “We have access to all the no-fee apartments in the city” to “That is the biggest place I have seen for that price”. | Most of the document is sales talk that should seem familiar, from “We have access to all the no-fee apartments in the city” to “That is the biggest place I have seen for that price”. |
| Other suggestions include “That landlord has the best stuff. When would you like to see it?”, “I have not seen that one, but all the agents are going crazy over it so I advertised it” and “Wow, what a coincidence – the keys just got dropped off at the office!” | Other suggestions include “That landlord has the best stuff. When would you like to see it?”, “I have not seen that one, but all the agents are going crazy over it so I advertised it” and “Wow, what a coincidence – the keys just got dropped off at the office!” |
| Bear in mind, at this point, that, of course, none of these apartments actually exist. | Bear in mind, at this point, that, of course, none of these apartments actually exist. |
| The killer line here isn’t a suggested quote, but the mantra for the agent to keep in his head (emphasis original): “WORRY ABOUT THE APARTMENT LATER … JUST GET THE CLIENTS INTO THE OFFICE.” | |
| The office | The office |
| Here is where the agents make their decisions: are you serious? Can you afford an NYC apartment? Who in your relationship (assuming you have one) makes the decisions? | |
| After finding out the basics – where you live now, your income, if you have a guarantor – the agent has a whole bunch of other goals. High on the list is discovering if you’re married, as agents are cautioned to “never show a husband the apartment without his wife” or if you’ve got pets “Most landlords frown on dogs. Cats that have good credit and don’t bark are usually permitted.” | |
| Yes, they made a joke. | Yes, they made a joke. |
| More important is to “educate each client on the New York real estate market”, which primarily seems to consist of injecting an urgent fear that every apartment will disappear within 15 seconds of listing. Suggested lines for agents towards this goal include: | |
| And to every single person who’s been shown an apartment way out of their price range: yes, naturally, this is deliberate too: “Think out of bounds; if their budget is $3,100, show an apartment for $3,500.” | And to every single person who’s been shown an apartment way out of their price range: yes, naturally, this is deliberate too: “Think out of bounds; if their budget is $3,100, show an apartment for $3,500.” |
| The final goal is to make you like them and establish a rapport. “Get the client involved by asking them questions. For example: ‘Do you like the sun?’ Of course they'll say yes. Who doesn’t like it?” | The final goal is to make you like them and establish a rapport. “Get the client involved by asking them questions. For example: ‘Do you like the sun?’ Of course they'll say yes. Who doesn’t like it?” |
| See? Foolproof. | See? Foolproof. |
| The viewing | The viewing |
| No prizes for guessing the agent’s primary goal here: he wants you to rent the apartment. But, the guide instructs, he’s got a much better chance of doing this if he can get you back into the office, as at least five separate suggested quotes suggest. If all else fails, and your mood is right, the agent is even encouraged to try the upbeat: “Isn’t this great?! I think we should go for it!!” | |
| Wait. He’s moving in with me too, now? | Wait. He’s moving in with me too, now? |
| The art of the real estate agent, though, lies in the deeply professional advice for handling any misgivings you may have about a particular place – and the manual is full of advice on this. | |
| If a client feels an apartment is too small, suggested replies include “All apartments are basically four walls”, “Most people are not going to be home that much to begin with” and the profound and tautologous “a studio is a studio is a studio”. | If a client feels an apartment is too small, suggested replies include “All apartments are basically four walls”, “Most people are not going to be home that much to begin with” and the profound and tautologous “a studio is a studio is a studio”. |
| If there’s not enough light in the apartment, well, “a halogen lamp would brighten the place up in a hurry”. But “in the right situation” agents are given another option which could just as easily have come from the famous creep-dating guidebook The Game: “You could say to a guy that his girlfriend’s eyes are so bright that they wouldn’t need any more light. She might get a kick out of it, and he will not disagree with you in front of her.” | If there’s not enough light in the apartment, well, “a halogen lamp would brighten the place up in a hurry”. But “in the right situation” agents are given another option which could just as easily have come from the famous creep-dating guidebook The Game: “You could say to a guy that his girlfriend’s eyes are so bright that they wouldn’t need any more light. She might get a kick out of it, and he will not disagree with you in front of her.” |
| Yes, really. | Yes, really. |
| If you want to look at more apartments before making your decision, well: “If you won the lottery on the first ticket, would you give it back?” | If you want to look at more apartments before making your decision, well: “If you won the lottery on the first ticket, would you give it back?” |
| In fact, taking any kind of time to think is definitely a bad idea, according to the guide. To save you from this error, there’s a few suggested approaches: “Explain to them that unfortunately in this tight market, apartments can be gone within 20 minutes, and they do not have the luxury of taking time to think about it,” is one. | In fact, taking any kind of time to think is definitely a bad idea, according to the guide. To save you from this error, there’s a few suggested approaches: “Explain to them that unfortunately in this tight market, apartments can be gone within 20 minutes, and they do not have the luxury of taking time to think about it,” is one. |
| The other may also have been transplanted from The Game: “I apologize. Please do not mistake my enthusiasm for pressure.” | The other may also have been transplanted from The Game: “I apologize. Please do not mistake my enthusiasm for pressure.” |
| The bedroom | The bedroom |
| So, the agent’s smooth patter has had the desired effect on you, and you’ve decided to take an apartment. | So, the agent’s smooth patter has had the desired effect on you, and you’ve decided to take an apartment. |
| If the charms have gone a step further and you’re hoping to be screwed literally as well as figuratively, there’s just one speed bump ahead, according to the rules, in a comment we can hope might be a joke: | If the charms have gone a step further and you’re hoping to be screwed literally as well as figuratively, there’s just one speed bump ahead, according to the rules, in a comment we can hope might be a joke: |
| “Please do not date clients until after we rent them and collect the broker’s fee.” | “Please do not date clients until after we rent them and collect the broker’s fee.” |
| Look, we’ll leave it on the nightstand, OK? | Look, we’ll leave it on the nightstand, OK? |
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