Pre-teen ‘proms’ are doing kids no favours

http://www.theguardian.com/commentisfree/2014/jul/18/pre-teen-proms-are-doing-kids-no-favours

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This week, as 10- and 11-year-olds prepare to leave primary school, many parents face one of the biggest outlays of the year: the prom. Primary school, American-style proms – already a fixture in many secondary schools – have become commonplace in recent years. One mother from the West Midlands told this week how she had taken a second job as a cleaner to save up the £1,000 she wanted to spend on her 11-year-old daughter’s “big night”. Electric blue, diamanté-studded princess dress: £200. Limo hire: £300. Nonalcoholic drinks in champagne flutes: £23.

I first heard of primary school proms when my nephew left school five years ago. A whole industry had sprung up overnight: the renting of tuxedos, organising of pamper parties, hiring of stretch Hummers. At the time I did not know what a Hummer was. I was amused that a 10-year-old should request a vehicle I had never heard of.

Since then, the pre-teen prom has exploded. Thankfully, it has not reached our local primary school – yet. But Claire’s Accessories, my seven-year-old daughter’s favourite shop, has just launched a dedicated prom catalogue and pop-up prom shop in central London. I have concealed this information so far, but this cannot last.

There are no specific figures on primary school proms, but those regarding proms for teenage school-leavers are mind-blowing. In 2012 it was reported that prom bookings at Holiday Inn had risen 5,000% in a year, at an average cost of £244 per teenager. One Essex limousine company reported a tenfold increase in business. Type in “girls prom dresses” on eBay.co.uk and there are 31,621 results.

It gets worse. Since Debenhams brought out a prom dress for 4-year-olds last year, there have been reports of nursery school red carpet parties. Online, the parental chatter is mainly negative. But this does not seem to stop the spread. From Mumsnet: “Limos for 11-year-olds. Surely this is batshit crackers? What’s wrong with a disco and a handful of Haribo?” But also this, from Netmums, with a picture proudly posted: “Emily had her primary school-leavers’ prom tonight … You can’t see her hair but it was pinned with little crystals all up the French twist. And then a feather in the top.”

Who is all this Disney make-believe actually for? It’s Peter Pan time for the parents, of course. (Just like the beautifully designed £15 yearbook for my three-year-old, who has just left his playschool. He can’t read.) In a few decades we have gone from a wrong-headed world where children were regarded as a nuisance to be tolerated and occasionally smacked, to an equally wrong-headed world where they are indulged as little princes and princesses. Part of it is sweet: people want to give their kids things they didn’t have. The other part is narcissistic: they wish they were the child.

The children get to live out the (expensive) fantasy that they’re in an episode of High School Musical, Hannah Montana or Glee. More important, the parents get to live out the (priceless) fantasy that they are providing their child with “perfect memories”.

I see the warped logic. But we need to stand up to this. Inspired by Diary of a Wimpy Kid, I frequently threaten my son, aged 10, that I will propose a “brilliant idea” to the PTA: The Mother-and-Son Sweetheart Dance – for a charitable cause, of course. Mothers and sons dress in matching outfits and rehearse a special dance routine together. Such events genuinely take place. From Missouri: “Just for Moms and their special guys. Sons will receive a boutonniere at the door.” This is the stuff of proper childhood memories. Experiences that make you cringe, ache to grow up, get away from your parents and start your own life. After all, if you’ve been on the night of your dreams, aged 10, why would you ever want to grow up?