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Transformers: Age of Extinction review – interminably stupid Transformers: Age of Extinction review – interminably stupid
(1 day later)
The OED offers one definition of "epic" as "an exceptionally long and arduous task or activity", and it is clearly this informal usage that Michael Bay adopts when describing his latest bore-buster. Yes, it's Transformers: Bigger, Louder, Longer, although sadly not Better. All the usual Bay trademarks are here: the interminably stupid plot (dinosaurs, seeds, 'splosions etc); incoherent action sequences (the marginally slower edit speed has solved little); endless leering shots of the leading lady's butt (accompanied by references to her "minor" status and an extended joke about statutory rape laws); a couple of proper actors slumming it for cash (Stanley Tucci stepping into John Turturro's shoes; Kelsey Grammer mugging for the money); and an overwhelming desire to pummel the audience into stupefied submission. Admittedly there's nothing to match the existential horror of watching Bay bare his soul in Pain & Gain, and the absence of Shia LaBeouf is a plus. But in the time in takes to watch Bay follow the money to Hong Kong you could probably file your own tax returns – more productive, and rather less dull. The OED offers one definition of "epic" as "an exceptionally long and arduous task or activity", and it is clearly this informal usage that Michael Bay adopts when describing his latest bore-buster. Yes, it's Transformers: Bigger, Louder, Longer, although sadly not Better. All the usual Bay trademarks are here: the interminably stupid plot (dinosaurs, seeds, 'splosions etc); incoherent action sequences (the marginally slower edit speed has solved little); endless leering shots of the leading lady's butt (accompanied by references to her "minor" status and an extended joke about statutory rape laws); a couple of proper actors slumming it for cash (Stanley Tucci stepping into John Turturro's shoes; Kelsey Grammer mugging for the money); and an overwhelming desire to pummel the audience into stupefied submission.
Admittedly there's nothing to match the existential horror of watching Bay bare his soul in Pain & Gain, and the absence of Shia LaBeouf is a plus. But in the time in takes to watch Bay follow the money to Hong Kong you could probably file your own tax returns – more productive, and rather less dull.