Damien Nettles was last seen in November 1996Last week the Magazine published an article on finding people who have gone missing. Valerie Nettles describes the nightmare when her son disappeared almost 10 years ago in our readers column.
Damien Nettles was last seen in November 1996Last week the Magazine published an article on finding people who have gone missing. Valerie Nettles describes the nightmare when her son disappeared almost 10 years ago in our readers column.
On 3 November 1996 we awoke much like any other Sunday. Damien, who was 16, was not in his room. He'd been for a night put in Cowes in the Isle of Wight so I was not overly concerned as I was sure he had probably stayed at a friend's house, which he had done before. He usually called me to let me know, but if it was late, he would call in the morning. It was OK.
On 3 November 1996 we awoke much like any other Sunday. Damien, who was 16, was not in his room. He'd been for a night out in Cowes in the Isle of Wight so I was not overly concerned as I was sure he had probably stayed at a friend's house, which he had done before. He usually called me to let me know, but if it was late, he would call in the morning. It was OK.
When by late morning I had heard nothing, I decided to call the friend he had been with the night before, who told me he left Damien at 10.30pm and thought that he had gone home.
When by late morning I had heard nothing, I decided to call the friend he had been with the night before, who told me he left Damien at 10.30pm and thought that he had gone home.
I began to feel very worried, it did not make any sense. I called everyone I could think of, but nobody had seen him. I got in my car and drove all over the place, expecting to see him walking towards home. But nothing.
I began to feel very worried, it did not make any sense. I called everyone I could think of, but nobody had seen him. I got in my car and drove all over the place, expecting to see him walking towards home. But nothing.
Something was just not right. I felt very scared and bewildered as to what to do next. I felt that I was spinning and panic set in. I could not breathe. I felt something was very wrong and did not know where to go. We drove around and around, and still nothing.
Something was just not right. I felt very scared and bewildered as to what to do next. I felt that I was spinning and panic set in. I could not breathe. I felt something was very wrong and did not know where to go. We drove around and around, and still nothing.
Finally, we called the police. I was told that I should go to the local police station to file a report.
Finally, we called the police. I was told that I should go to the local police station to file a report.
Seafront search
Seafront search
I was in a state of shock and confusion and panic and extremely upset when I got to the police station. It took a long time for them to open the door. My daughter was with me, she was scared too and wanted to be with me. I explained to the officer what the situation was but they did not seem to be very interested.
I was in a state of shock and confusion and panic and extremely upset when I got to the police station. It took a long time for them to open the door. My daughter was with me, she was scared too and wanted to be with me. I explained to the officer what the situation was but they did not seem to be very interested.
Damien as a child
Damien as a child
They told me he was probably working out his problems and gone off for a while to sort himself out - lots of teens did this and to go home and he would show up.
They told me he was probably working out his problems and gone off for a while to sort himself out - lots of teens did this and to go home and he would show up.
I could not quite believe what I was hearing. My whole thoughts were focused on Damien out there somewhere, hurt and waiting for help. I never for one moment thought that he had gone off or run away as nothing was wrong at home and school was fine, as far as we knew.
I could not quite believe what I was hearing. My whole thoughts were focused on Damien out there somewhere, hurt and waiting for help. I never for one moment thought that he had gone off or run away as nothing was wrong at home and school was fine, as far as we knew.
So why would he wander off? It was out of character. I expected the police to jump on this and go out and look for Damien. I was left feeling a little confused as to what to do next. If the police were not concerned then who could help me? I felt foolish and very alone.
So why would he wander off? It was out of character. I expected the police to jump on this and go out and look for Damien. I was left feeling a little confused as to what to do next. If the police were not concerned then who could help me? I felt foolish and very alone.
I went home. I could not leave the house. My whole existence was waiting for that familiar figure to come around the corner. The bus stop was just outside our house and every bus that stopped, I waited for Damien to step of that bus. I waited and waited.
I went home. I could not leave the house. My whole existence was waiting for that familiar figure to come around the corner. The bus stop was just outside our house and every bus that stopped, I waited for Damien to step of that bus. I waited and waited.
The first night, after the police said that there was nothing that they could do, my husband, father and son went with flashlights and searched the seafront and the short cuts through the forest and park.
The first night, after the police said that there was nothing that they could do, my husband, father and son went with flashlights and searched the seafront and the short cuts through the forest and park.
What can I say... a man in his seventies, a 13-year-old boy and my husband, out there in the dark, wind and rain shouting Damien's name and scrambling through undergrowth hoping against hope to hear his voice.
What can I say... a man in his seventies, a 13-year-old boy and my husband, out there in the dark, wind and rain shouting Damien's name and scrambling through undergrowth hoping against hope to hear his voice.
Hunting information
Hunting information
I could not believe the swirling turmoil that surrounded our family. People came and went, formed search parties, made posters and blanketed the town with them, sat with me day and night. The support that I had was amazing. It helped to know that so many people cared about Damien.
I could not believe the swirling turmoil that surrounded our family. People came and went, formed search parties, made posters and blanketed the town with them, sat with me day and night. The support that I had was amazing. It helped to know that so many people cared about Damien.
Damien "charging through the bushes"
Damien "charging through the bushes"
The mother of one of Damien's friends suggested I go around to all the local pubs and ask if someone remembered seeing him. I followed her advice and sure enough, slowly but surely, I started to get some information from people who had seen him that night.
The mother of one of Damien's friends suggested I go around to all the local pubs and ask if someone remembered seeing him. I followed her advice and sure enough, slowly but surely, I started to get some information from people who had seen him that night.
I passed everything I found to the police but at that point they were much more interested in looking at us. We did not realise this at the time, we were in shock, but they were looking at the family. When the detectives became involved, we had three of them descend on us.
I passed everything I found to the police but at that point they were much more interested in looking at us. We did not realise this at the time, we were in shock, but they were looking at the family. When the detectives became involved, we had three of them descend on us.
They took each of us in turn into another room and questioned us, one of them stayed at the door and watched each and every one of us. I remember thinking at the time, why are they wasting time doing this, why are they not looking for Damien? I guess that had to be done, but I just wanted action.
They took each of us in turn into another room and questioned us, one of them stayed at the door and watched each and every one of us. I remember thinking at the time, why are they wasting time doing this, why are they not looking for Damien? I guess that had to be done, but I just wanted action.
It was dreadful. In the next weeks suddenly a police car would arrive. It was awful. Every time I would panic, could not breath, my body would start to shake. Seeing a policeman coming down the drive, I was petrified of what they were going to tell me.
It was dreadful. In the next weeks suddenly a police car would arrive. It was awful. Every time I would panic, could not breath, my body would start to shake. Seeing a policeman coming down the drive, I was petrified of what they were going to tell me.
They brought plastic bags with bits of clothing for me to identify that they had found in the sea. Thankfully, nothing they brought belonged to Damien.
They brought plastic bags with bits of clothing for me to identify that they had found in the sea. Thankfully, nothing they brought belonged to Damien.
CCTV footage
CCTV footage
My friends went to every place that they could think of. They found out Damien's movements the night he went missing, they found the CCTV and the local chip shop video that showed him around 11.45pm.
My friends went to every place that they could think of. They found out Damien's movements the night he went missing, they found the CCTV and the local chip shop video that showed him around 11.45pm.
Damien liked to go fishing
Damien liked to go fishing
The CCTV showed him wandering up and down the road, nothing seemed to be troubling him. He was on his own. The video from the local chip shop showed him coming in and standing with a group of men, who were not local. He waved to one of them. Two of those men were found but the rest have never been identified, despite the distinctive clothing one of them had on.
The CCTV showed him wandering up and down the road, nothing seemed to be troubling him. He was on his own. The video from the local chip shop showed him coming in and standing with a group of men, who were not local. He waved to one of them. Two of those men were found but the rest have never been identified, despite the distinctive clothing one of them had on.
Days became weeks and still nothing. Friends came and went. Every time I heard the bus, I willed Damien to get off, but he did not. Every time the phone rang I hoped it would be him.
Days became weeks and still nothing. Friends came and went. Every time I heard the bus, I willed Damien to get off, but he did not. Every time the phone rang I hoped it would be him.
Eventually, slowly people stopped dropping by, lives went back to normal for others. Ours never did.
Eventually, slowly people stopped dropping by, lives went back to normal for others. Ours never did.
It is 10 years this coming November. We have been living this life of wondering what could have happened to Damien. Every bad thing that could happen has played out in my mind. Not knowing is the hardest thing. We need closure.
It is 10 years this coming November. We have been living this life of wondering what could have happened to Damien. Every bad thing that could happen has played out in my mind. Not knowing is the hardest thing. We need closure.
I am convinced that someone out there has the information that we need. Even the police don't seem to be looking for anything anymore. It is like living a dual life, one foot in darkness and the other in daily life. It is in the wee hours of the morning it comes back to me, and I replay it in my mind and wonder what happened to him that night.
I am convinced that someone out there has the information that we need. Even the police don't seem to be looking for anything anymore. It is like living a dual life, one foot in darkness and the other in daily life. It is in the wee hours of the morning it comes back to me, and I replay it in my mind and wonder what happened to him that night.
