My husband's lost his sex drive and I want a baby

http://www.theguardian.com/lifeandstyle/2014/jun/09/husband-lost-sex-drive-i-want-baby

Version 0 of 1.

I am 30 and love my husband of three years. Since we met, his sex drive hasn't been the highest, but recently he has been on antidepressants that have killed his sex drive completely. We tried for 10 months for a baby. When we conceived, my husband was glad that the pressure was off him, but then we lost the baby. So now I have lost the child we so wanted and loved, and the desire of the man I love.

Any kind of loss can lead to depression, and I am wondering if you are aware that you yourself need a lot more support. You were obviously well aware of your husband's desire level from the start, but I can see that you are now at a crisis point.

It is time to re-evaluate what you really want in life, because it is unlikely that a person who has never had much desire will suddenly acquire it. Your reality is a harsh one: you want a baby and a sex life, and you are currently a long way from both.

Talk about your feelings with your husband, not in an accusatory way, but in order to formulate a plan to address these problems and your joint sadness together. Seek some couples counselling. You are probably still mourning your lost baby, so the lack of intercourse will make your grief all the more painful. This is a time to gather support not just from professional helpers, but from friends and family as well.

• Pamela Stephenson Connolly is a psychotherapist who specialises in treating sexual disorders.

• If you would like advice from Pamela Stephenson Connolly on sexual matters, send us a brief description of your concerns to private.lives@theguardian.com (please don't send attachments).