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A very British struggle: a guide to saying hello A very British struggle: a guide to saying hello
(about 11 hours later)
Hello! Hi. Hug? Mwah. Oops, sorry. Well, that was awkward. And no wonder. According to social anthropologist Kate Fox, speaking at Hay festival last week, Brits have struggled to greet each other since "How do you do?" fell out of fashion. This formal yet standard greeting, Fox said, was a fail-safe way of starting conversations with strangers. These days, we don't know what to say, whether to embrace or what to do with our hands. But don't despair  – here's our handy five-point guide to 21st-century greeting etiquette… Hello! Hi. Hug? Mwah. Oops, sorry. Well, that was awkward. And no wonder. According to social anthropologist Kate Fox, speaking at Hay festival last week, Brits have struggled to greet each other since "How do you do?" fell out of fashion. This formal yet standard greeting, Fox said, was a fail-safe way of starting conversations with strangers. These days, we don't know what to say, whether to embrace or what to do with our hands. But don't despair  – here's our handy five‑point guide to 21st-century greeting etiquette…
1 Handshakes1 Handshakes
It's hard to go wrong with a handshake but ensure it's firm-ish, accompanied by a friendly smile and eye contact. Try not to have wet hands or a joke shop buzzer in your palm. Do not attempt to shake their arm out of its socket like you're body-popping. Unless you are body-popping, in which case, get you, electric boogaloo. It's hard to go wrong with a handshake but ensure it's firm-ish, accompanied by a friendly smile and eye contact. Try not to have wet hands or a joke shop buzzer in your palm. Do not attempt to shake their arm out of its socket like you're body‑popping. Unless you are body-popping, in which case, get you, electric boogaloo.
2 Hugs2 Hugs
The "hello" hug is generally reserved for friends or family. The "goodbye" hug can be deployed more liberally, especially if bonding has occurred or drink has been taken. Neither are workplace-appropriate, although the Sopranos-style "hug'n'pat" is increasingly widespread between alpha males in suits. Do not remain in any hug for longer than is comfortable for the huggee. Don't make pelvic contact, become tangibly aroused or dramatically whisper "hold me, please, just hold me" in the huggee's ear. Particularly in the workplace.The "hello" hug is generally reserved for friends or family. The "goodbye" hug can be deployed more liberally, especially if bonding has occurred or drink has been taken. Neither are workplace-appropriate, although the Sopranos-style "hug'n'pat" is increasingly widespread between alpha males in suits. Do not remain in any hug for longer than is comfortable for the huggee. Don't make pelvic contact, become tangibly aroused or dramatically whisper "hold me, please, just hold me" in the huggee's ear. Particularly in the workplace.
3 High-fives3 High-fives
Best saved for Americans, as Brits tend to miss their partner's hand. Humiliating. White people should exercise caution when greeting black people in this manner, especially if preceded by: "Gimme some skin, bro." See also: over-complicated handshakes, fist-bumps, stuff you've seen in "urban" films.Best saved for Americans, as Brits tend to miss their partner's hand. Humiliating. White people should exercise caution when greeting black people in this manner, especially if preceded by: "Gimme some skin, bro." See also: over-complicated handshakes, fist-bumps, stuff you've seen in "urban" films.
4 Air kisses4 Air kisses
Formerly the province of the French and fashionistas, the air kiss is now common currency. To the awkward amateur, though, it can lead to nervous pecks and unexpectedly proffered second cheeks. Only air kiss those with whom you've shared a social occasion – a party or lunch, say. Two kisses are standard in the media, whereas older generations are happy with one. Team with a "mwah" sound for full insincere effect. Real pros form a sideways pout as they do so, then bray something like "Brunch soon, sweedie!"Formerly the province of the French and fashionistas, the air kiss is now common currency. To the awkward amateur, though, it can lead to nervous pecks and unexpectedly proffered second cheeks. Only air kiss those with whom you've shared a social occasion – a party or lunch, say. Two kisses are standard in the media, whereas older generations are happy with one. Team with a "mwah" sound for full insincere effect. Real pros form a sideways pout as they do so, then bray something like "Brunch soon, sweedie!"
5 And finally, what to say5 And finally, what to say
Modern regional variants of "How do you do?" include "How do?", "Hey up?", "What's occurring?" "All right?" and "Whatgwan?" Idle weather chat has a similar effect. "How you going?" is the Australian version, which will make backpackers and London pub bar staff feel at home. "How you doing?" has an American air, specifically Joey from Friends if you emphasise the "you". On no account use "How's it hanging?" or "Wassuuuuuup?", as people might confuse you for David Brent.Modern regional variants of "How do you do?" include "How do?", "Hey up?", "What's occurring?" "All right?" and "Whatgwan?" Idle weather chat has a similar effect. "How you going?" is the Australian version, which will make backpackers and London pub bar staff feel at home. "How you doing?" has an American air, specifically Joey from Friends if you emphasise the "you". On no account use "How's it hanging?" or "Wassuuuuuup?", as people might confuse you for David Brent.