Wearable tech or unbearable dreck ... is hi-tech fashion just a terrible idea?
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Version 0 of 1. Wearable tech might be the future, but it's not a future that anyone seems especially interested in. According to a new report, only one in 10 of us would be prepared to use it in its current form. And no wonder – not only does it make you look like a tremendous dork, but it's also a minefield of potential disaster. As someone who intermittently wears things, here's why I'm not sold yet. Watches It's embarrassing enough when you fail to set your phone to silent during a meeting. Imagine how much worse it'd be if your smartwatch – primed and ready to monitor every aspect of your physical wellbeing – started yelling: "WARNING! CHOLESTEROL LEVELS DANGEROUSLY HIGH! DON'T EAT SO MANY DOUGHNUTS YOU OBSCENE LARDBUCKET!" while you attempt to present your Q3 output to the regional head of marketing. Horrible. Glasses Diane von Furstenberg may have just just designed a range of $1,620 (£963) Google Glass frames, but that won't stop everyone from thinking you're the sort of berk who enjoys swanning around with an uppity Bluetooth earpiece strapped to the front of your face. The disaster here isn't a mugging or an accidental invasion of privacy, it's that you'll catch sight of your own reflection and quite rightly hate yourself forever. Sweaters A company called Sensoree has produced something called a "mood sweater", which changes colour depending on how you feel. If you're peaceful, it goes green. If you're happy, it goes yellow. If you become utterly paralysed with embarrassment because everyone keeps staring at you and wondering why you're essentially wearing a lava lamp, it's done its job. Wigs You're on a date. It's your first for a few years and you're so apprehensive that you've decided to cover your bald patch with Sony's patented smart wig. Things start well, until you sneeze – at which point the wig's laser pointer goes off and blinds your date. As you rush over to help, the wig slips down and uncovers the inbuilt camera that's now squarely trained down her blouse. She slaps you and leaves. On the plus side, the wig's sensors have measured how hard the slap was. Fingernails It's been suggested that tech could soon be incorporated into fingernails, to help break addictions. Let's say you light a cigarette – sensors in your nails would recognise the movement and start bleeping until you stop. Without going into too much detail, this advance would be a living hell for every single compulsive public masturbator. |