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Britain's traditional pubs are closing. Maybe that's because they're terrible Britain's traditional pubs are closing. Maybe that's because they're terrible
(35 minutes later)
It’s closing time for the great British boozer, with the United Kingdom’s pubs shutting up shop at a rate of 28 per week.It’s closing time for the great British boozer, with the United Kingdom’s pubs shutting up shop at a rate of 28 per week.
According to "pub activist" (yeah, me too, buddy) Tom Stainer from the campaign for Real Ale, the causes are manifold, from supermarkets selling discount liquor to large pub conglomerates selling off unprofitable venues. Stainer singled out the fact that people "are going to the gym more" and "want to be more healthy" as additional, even more disturbing factors. According to "pub activist" (yeah, me too, buddy) Tom Stainer from the campaign for Real Ale, the causes are manifold, from supermarkets selling discount liquor to large pub conglomerates selling off unprofitable venues. Stainer identified that people "are going to the gym more" and "want to be more healthy" as additional, even more disturbing factors.
What if, though, the UK’s pubs are closing by the handful not because of economic or lifestyle changes? What if they’re closing because they’re just not much good?What if, though, the UK’s pubs are closing by the handful not because of economic or lifestyle changes? What if they’re closing because they’re just not much good?
Concerns about the decline of the local have reached the point where Britain has a special minister for community pubs. But if the UK really wants to save its inns, it should look to Australia. Despite our lack of a community pub tsar, the march of small bars and restrictions on the service of alcohol, pubs are flourishing.Concerns about the decline of the local have reached the point where Britain has a special minister for community pubs. But if the UK really wants to save its inns, it should look to Australia. Despite our lack of a community pub tsar, the march of small bars and restrictions on the service of alcohol, pubs are flourishing.
Everyone who's ever been to England has had a pint of bitter in the country's classic pubs: My Father’s Moustache, The Old Thirteenth Cheshire Astley Volunteer Rifleman Corps Inn, and The Tooth and Pimple. These are quiet, friendly places that serve the same function as a cafés in other European countries. The best of them exude warmth, as do the beers they serve over the bar. The sense of history conveyed by British pub carpets is awe inspiring, leading to their celebration as artefacts of community life. Everyone who's ever been to England has had a pint of bitter in the country's classic pubs: My Father’s Moustache, The Old Thirteenth Cheshire Astley Volunteer Rifleman Corps Inn, and The Tooth and Pimple. These are quiet, friendly places that serve the same function as cafés in other European countries. The best of them exude warmth, as do the beers they serve over the bar. The sense of history conveyed by British pub carpets is awe inspiring, leading to their celebration as artefacts of community life.
While sitting inside a dank little boozer has its charms, the UK might rescue its ailing pub industry by considering this one strange fact: it has just a handful of hotels with the word beach in their title. This is obviously a major oversight. There is nothing quite like having an ice cold beer on a hot day at the beach. If you are British, that sentence might not make much sense to you, but trust me, it’s great.While sitting inside a dank little boozer has its charms, the UK might rescue its ailing pub industry by considering this one strange fact: it has just a handful of hotels with the word beach in their title. This is obviously a major oversight. There is nothing quite like having an ice cold beer on a hot day at the beach. If you are British, that sentence might not make much sense to you, but trust me, it’s great.
This brings us to the next problem. Many of Britain’s "charming inns" appear to have been built for hobbits, which presents a problem for us regular sized humans. As Britain's pubs close, more and more people are funnelled into fewer small pubs. It’s a feedback loop with a sticky floor.This brings us to the next problem. Many of Britain’s "charming inns" appear to have been built for hobbits, which presents a problem for us regular sized humans. As Britain's pubs close, more and more people are funnelled into fewer small pubs. It’s a feedback loop with a sticky floor.
Where does it end? Hundreds of people crammed around a single half-pint of Stoat Lager bought by a tiny man named Dennis wearing a tweed vest? Perhaps doing some renovations, like adding a beach-side beer garden or balcony with stunning harbour views, would open things up and rescue some of the UK's flagging watering holes.Where does it end? Hundreds of people crammed around a single half-pint of Stoat Lager bought by a tiny man named Dennis wearing a tweed vest? Perhaps doing some renovations, like adding a beach-side beer garden or balcony with stunning harbour views, would open things up and rescue some of the UK's flagging watering holes.
Of course, Australia has its fair share of crappy pubs too (some aren't even beside the beach) but, it must be admitted, even our bad ones are really excellent. Our major brewers, who don’t do a bad job at all, are being complemented by a craft beer scene rapidly gathering steam, growing at a rate of 40% a year. Many pubs, like Sydney’s Woolwich Pier Hotel, have been serving great food since before the Brits carelessly combined "gastro" with "pub" to mean a bar with food and not an alcohol related food poisoning incident.Of course, Australia has its fair share of crappy pubs too (some aren't even beside the beach) but, it must be admitted, even our bad ones are really excellent. Our major brewers, who don’t do a bad job at all, are being complemented by a craft beer scene rapidly gathering steam, growing at a rate of 40% a year. Many pubs, like Sydney’s Woolwich Pier Hotel, have been serving great food since before the Brits carelessly combined "gastro" with "pub" to mean a bar with food and not an alcohol related food poisoning incident.
All else aside, one fact alone should cement the superiority of the Aussie pub. From Birmingham to Wolverhampton, Britons flock to the Walkabout Fauxstralian-themed bar chain. They'll drink in the most ghastly, objectionable and offensive places, without even a modest view of the nearest perfect strip of sand, as long as it's "Australian" – and the beer is cold.All else aside, one fact alone should cement the superiority of the Aussie pub. From Birmingham to Wolverhampton, Britons flock to the Walkabout Fauxstralian-themed bar chain. They'll drink in the most ghastly, objectionable and offensive places, without even a modest view of the nearest perfect strip of sand, as long as it's "Australian" – and the beer is cold.